


Of Gods and Monsters

by jenaicompris



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Age Difference, Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Gen, Height Differences, I really love turians okay, I'm Bad At Tagging, Male-Female Friendship, Military, Other, POV Third Person, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Space Marines, Turians, Xenophilia, Xenophobia, Young Shepard, bad at summaries too don't judge me, canon-divergent like woah, retelling but different, tagging is fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-17 17:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 71,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9334628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenaicompris/pseuds/jenaicompris
Summary: This is the story of Alice in three parts. Born of nothing, she perserveres against the odds to save herself, humanity, and the universe. Along the way, she meets many who will change her life forever. (Canon events shift, Shepard is younger than in canon, events of ME1 will begin in 2180 rather than 2183. Detailed description of the events of the Skyllian Blitz. After ME1, major canon divergence. Tags will be updated to reflect changes in the story. Rated mature for canon-typical violence. Shenko will exist but the main pairing is Shakarian. Eventually.)





	1. I Lie Just to Meet You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! I had an itch, so I'm writing this. I don't really edit and don't have a beta. All chapter titles are from Lana Del Rey lyrics.

**Part One: Supernova**

Alice was a liar. She had been a liar for as long as she could form thought in any coherent manner. She lied to herself, first, when she suggested that her parents would come back. She lied to everyone when she made up stories – where they were, who they were, when they would return – and even when she claimed the name ‘Shepard’. She couldn’t remember her last name, younger than three when her parents disappeared. In truth, she couldn’t claim that she had ever met them – one or both – as she had only the faintest recollection of a memory of a scent, and the color blue.

Alice had gone through much of her life without a last name, in fact. It wasn’t until she wandered into a library, not looking to learn but finding the desire to regardless, and they requested her last name for her library card. She was sure she had one, but she couldn’t remember – so she made a quick, subtle scan of her surroundings. Books everywhere, names of authors mostly too far to read.

She saw a sheep dancing along the cover of one of the children’s picture books and scribbled down how she thought the word sounded. She had no formal education and only mildly more training; at nine, she could read but only barely and her handwriting would forever be atrocious.

The girl lied so much that she got better at it; she talked her way into school, briefly. She made excuses for her parents that didn’t exist, or if they did they didn’t matter. She had spent so many years devouring every book at the library; she  _knew_  plenty but didn’t know how to  _do_  a lot of the things that a formal education would have given to her. Her informal education of all things street gave her little patience for formulas and so she disappeared three weeks after enrolling herself in the institute of learning she had chosen.  

Alice was a smart girl, or more she was a  _clever_  girl. She may not have known the Pythagorean Theorem, how to spell ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’, the chemical compound that made up boric acid, or who led what revolution when – but she knew how to charm a snake, she knew how to talk around questions she didn’t want to answer, she knew how to shoot a pistol, and she knew how to pickpocket. She knew a few other things, but best not to put all of one’s cards on the table right away.

The thing she struggled the most with at first was the blue glow at the edge of her vision, which grew into a sort of humming in her head. One morning, when she was still very young, her vision shifted and all she could see were  _dots_. Her eyes focused on the dots, which led them to fade but they were still there, though not really. Her mind was projecting what her body felt; nodes of Element Zero encasing reality around her. When Alice realized she was a biotic, she didn’t actually know that word or what it meant. She spent a goodly portion of her young life trying both to hide and control the pulsing in her nerves.

As an orphan discarded with the morning newspaper, Alice had no papers – no form of identification. She wasn’t sure if she had even been registered as a person at any point in her life. She found a guy that knew a guy that knew someone that could get her papers. She organized their payment and swung her feet over the concrete edge of a broken Earth building while she waited. She was just shy of sixteen then, but when the beanpole of a guy settled down beside her at their meeting spot and slid a manila envelope under her thigh, she wasn’t any more.

“Why’d you want to age up?” he asked, voice reminiscent of an old New Jersey accent.

“What’s it to you?” Alice’s face pinched in irritation. “I paid, you didn’t I?”

“Shit, kid. It’s just that most women want to be  _younger_.”

“Gotta be eighteen to do anything on or  _off_  this stupid rock,” Alice grimaced, heel kicking back against the concrete and bouncing off again. “You sure this is legit, Sam? I can’t risk it.”

His eyes narrowed and he rubbed his forehead a little, head cocked to the side. “You paid for the best. You keep your cool and tone down on the ‘stupid’, you’ll pull it off. Whatever it is you intend to pull off, that is.”

Alice jumped down, landing on the ground in a cloud of dust, and reached back for the envelope with one hand and waved with the other. It glowed blue, just briefly, and she smiled like a shark. “It had better.”

It worked. She thought it worked partially because she had studied other recruits for days, hanging around the military station to watch their movements, their actions, and their words. When she strutted into the office and offered herself as a recruit, the woman behind the counter barely batted an eye when she claimed she was eighteen.

Their willingness to take her may or may not have been relevant to the discovery of her biotic abilities; she knew she was  _special_  or something, but she didn’t know it was that big of a deal. She was terrified and angry when they told her about the implant. She hated the way she itched after they put it in. She felt  _chained_  and that feeling didn’t fade, even when she made it to the Citadel a year later.

It was difficult for Alice not to stare, wide-eyed at the aliens on the space station. She had been fighting the urge to gape out the porthole of the ship her entire trip to the Citadel. She took hurried glances at the stars around her whenever she was sure no one was looking.

When offered a few spare minutes to herself before reporting to the Alliance barracks, she stood slack-jawed at one of the many too-high windows in the Presidium. She was in a relaxed uniform, the black-blue pants on her lower half clearly Alliance and the gray t-shirt obscured slightly on the front by her dog tags and the back by her mass of bright red hair. She had enough time to gape at the stars before she scampered off to put on full uniform and be prepared for her first evening on the base.

“Look at me now,” she smirked to herself, lifting a freckled hand to push hair away and back. She was fortunate and happy to know that she could keep her hair, as long as it was kept up in a regulation hairdo while in uniform. She was disappointed, however, that she could not continue to paint her nails until she made a higher rank. In a year of training, development of her abilities, and adjusting to the L3 implant that itched at the base of her neck, Alice had made Private 1st class. It was still a far cry from her dream of Admiral, but she wasn’t upset. Yet. Without Sam’s help to fudge an education history, she would’ve started at a great disadvantage – her lack of formal schooling could have been her undoing but she had had a lucky break, with the years spent in a library and the type of testing they provided to discern one’s aptitude.

Alice let out a sigh and relaxed her shoulders, lifting her hands to set them on the metal railing in front of her. She leaned over, balancing almost all of her weight on it and almost pressing her face to the glass. Her body, short and thin from being at first underfed and then from the exercise of keeping up with those in her class, balanced precariously on long-fingered hands. She had heard a lot of things throughout her years and was surprised at how closely the barracks on Earth resembled the streets in the prejudice against curves. She had no business in uniform, she had heard; she would be better served on a pole with a figure like that. She convinced herself the men and women of that opinion were merely jealous. And she was too happy that it all worked out to care.

“Damn beautiful,” she grinned, speaking entirely to herself and not caring a fig if anyone overheard her.

A throat cleared behind her and her elbows locked but she didn’t drop until a trilling sound, a voice deep with echoes of wordless noise beneath it, started. “Miss, you’ll need to…uh, not do that.”

By the grace of her arm muscles alone, Alice set her booted toes back to the ground before releasing the railing and turning about. Tilting her head back, she scanned the tall alien with her green eyes. The visor, the uniform – she smiled a little sideways, feeling heat in her cheeks. “Sorry about that, officer.”

“It’s…you’re fine,” he responded with a flick of a mandible, something Alice had not seen before. She had passed a few turians on the Citadel between leaving the ship and unloading her bags, but she hadn’t spoken to one. She knew that was what he was; even without formal schooling, the First Contact War was unavoidable on Earth. “Just…uh, don’t do it again, would you?”

“No, sir,” Alice smirked a little, hands shoved into the pockets of her pants. “You a…what do they call them, Citadel Security Officer?”

“C-Sec,” the turian responded, nodding a little. That was a gesture Alice knew, although when his mandibles spread a little she couldn’t tell if he was amused or angry. “Officer Garrus Vakarian, miss.”

“Private First Class Shepard,” she extended a hand out to him. He looked at it strangely and she huffed a laugh. “Sorry, I forgot…you know. Anyway,” she waved her hand a little and put it back in her pocket. “How do turians greet each other, then?”

The tall, gray-blue officer looked at her strangely for a moment – or at least Alice assumed it was a strange look – before extending his arm out, forearm and palm facing up. Alice stretched out her arm hesitantly and shifted her gaze from their arms to his eyes and raised an eyebrow.

“What was that?” he asked, using finger on his other hand to gesture to her face.

“What was—oh,” she realized belatedly that she had lifted her eyebrow. She raised the hand not attached to the arm that hovered awkwardly over his and touched her sculpted red eyebrow. It had been taken care of by a bunk mate some months back, stray hairs growing back and marring the mostly-even job the other girl had done. “I’ll explain it in a minute. But…the greeting?”

Officer Vakarian blinked before he looked startled, clearing his throat as he regained his composure. “May I?” he asked, setting his three fingers on his unused arm gently atop Alice’s hand as it floated near his elbow.

She nodded her assent, the edges of her lips curled upward in a smile as she watched him. He lowered her hand to his elbow and, after a brief moment, had shifted her fingers into three sections in some sort of facsimile of a turian grasp. Her Alliance-issue sweatshirt pressed against his thin uniform sleeve and his three much longer and thicker fingers clasped the point of her elbow. It was a strange, elongated handshake that felt more intimate than what Alice was used to.

She liked it. Being forced out of her comfort zone made her feel  _alive_.  

After what felt like only a few seconds, Officer Vakarian pressed his capped talons gently into the softness of her sweatshirt. He watched her intently and she realized she was meant to do it back; even through the thin uniform fabric, Alice could feel the difference in their outer hides. Where she was soft and squishy, he was hard and plated. She wondered how much of him was covered in plates and barely caught herself from asking.

Officer Vakarian slowly ended the grasp and watched her strangely, or at least what  _felt_  like it would ne strangely, before he gestured to her face again. “What you did with the hair on your face, what was that?”

Alice blinked at him before she laughed a little, running a thumb over the offending patch of hair. “It’s called an ‘eyebrow’. Well, in English, anyway. I lifted it, with the muscles behind it. I didn’t do it intentionally, it’s just a sort of facial expression that some humans use. It can mean a lot of things, but I was curious. But you’ve got ridges or plates, about where eyebrows might be. I imagine it’s kind of the same.” She paused and, as he had gestured to her face she felt like it was okay to do so to him. She gestured, but didn’t reach out far, in the general direction of his mandible. “So you don’t have lips like I do, but you have those…mandibles? Is there another word for it?”

“Mandible is as good a word as any, I suppose. But what’s your question?” With so little experience with turians, Alice couldn’t tell if he sounded more amused or more long-suffering.

“They move a lot, not just when you’re talking. Do the different placements and movements mean different things?”

The officer’s mandibles fluttered a bit, not too far out.

“That. What was that?” Alice jumped a little, eyes wide and eyebrows lifted as she wiggled her fingers in his direction.

“A smile,” the turian responded with a sound similar to a snort.

Alice grinned at him before shifting her gaze to her Omni-Tool. “Ahhhh, balls. I’m going to be late. Thanks for the smile, Officer Vakarian. I’ll see you around.” Without a second glance, Alice took off at a jog towards the Alliance base within in the massive, impossible space station. She left in her wake a curious, if not equally late, turian. 


	2. Anywhere Out There

Training was what it was. Alice was the sort of person that threw herself completely into whatever she was doing; as a biotic, she had a similar regimen to all of the other enlisted peoples for the majority of her day and specific, additional training for her specialty in addition to her regular training. She was good with a pistol, but they wanted more from her. They wanted her to be  _the best_  – with a pistol, serviceable with most other weapons, in hand-to-hand, and with her abilities. Additionally,  _she_  wanted to deliver on the promise she had made to herself when she signed up.

She was going to make something of herself; she wasn’t going to be a good-for-nothing orphan on the streets of Earth. Her name may have been made-up, but everyone would recognize it someday.

While there were specific commanding officers assigned to the training of the few biotics amongst the ranks of the Alliance, Alice was rarely content with the simplicity of what she was being offered.

There was a guy, a Service Chief as far as she knew, with dark hair and a Canadian accent that worked as a sort of secondary teacher to her class of three.

In the mess, or what served as one on the Citadel, Alice was fairly aware that she wasn’t meant to sit with the NCOs. So she settled into her spot on the edge of a long bench of enlisted men and women, eating and chatting mildly with those around her. She bided her time until she saw Service Chief Alenko stand from his position, tray in hand, and make to take care of his things.

After a moment of hesitation, she excused herself and did the same. She followed shortly behind him before jogging up to him, catching him gently by the shoulder in the hallway.

“Sir,” she smiled a little, taking her hand back almost immediately. She was good at pretending; she was one of the best. But even the best aren’t  _perfect_. “Sorry about that, I just wanted to make sure I caught you. I was wondering, if you have time, if you wouldn’t mind helping me?”

“I’m sorry…Private Shepard, isn’t it?”

Alice nodded, fingers against her forehead in her salute when she remembered herself.

“What is it that you think I can help you with? Oh…at ease, Shepard.” Service Chief Alenko smiled softly, eyes wrinkling at the outer edges with the gesture.

The redhead smiled and let her arms fall to her sides, standing with an easy stance that mirrored his. “I want to practice more with my biotic abilities. Outside of training, I mean.”

“Do you feel as though Lieutenant Sasaki’s teachings are insufficient, Private?”

“Oh, no, not particularly, Sir. I just want  _more_. I can train my body on my own without too much worry for the repercussions, have my form corrected in training drills. But with the biotics? I spent most of my time before joining the Alliance working on my own. I don’t know that I have anything else to teach myself, and I’m a little afraid to try my hand at experimenting on my own.”

He seemed to take a long moment to mull over the possibility before his smile returned, “I’ll have to get clearance first, of course.”

Alice did her best to keep her grin in check and nodded. “Of course, sir. I understand. Even if you can direct me towards books or things I might be able to read, to help?”

“Do you mind if I ask why, Private?”

“I don’t mind, Sir,” Alice shrugged, even though internally she  _did_  mind. Her reasons were her own and they always had been – but she couldn’t expect something for nothing, that she knew all too well. “I have a duty, Sir. A duty to the Alliance and to myself to be the best version of myself I can.”

“You’ve already made better progress than most, Shepard. Private First Class with whisperings of Corporal, only a year and a half into your service. That’s impressive.”

“Thank you, Sir. I’m just trying to do my best for the Alliance.”

“Just make sure you don’t burn yourself out, then, eh Shepard? One person can only take so much before they’ve had enough, you know?”

The way he said it made Alice curious; there was something behind his dark eyes that made her guess that he had  _probably_  had enough at least once in his life. It was gone pretty quickly though and he smiled again, this time it didn’t reach his eyes. He clasped a large, warm hand on her shoulder very briefly.

“Aye, Sir,” she nodded, saluting him briefly before she turned and made her way to the equipment room. Train until lights out, or as good as – a lot of the other enlisted would go about the Citadel in their “free time” but Alice, as much as she liked the idea of meeting some more aliens, felt like her dedication to her success was more important at the time. Besides, she imagined she would be meeting plenty other races in the future. Or, at least, she hoped as much.

It was another week before Service Chief Alenko asked Alice to stay after the training, delaying her from her shower as the other two in her class made their way to wash off their sweaty exhaustion. Juniper and Demetrius, both older than Alice had said she was, were talented biotics with the L3 implants as well.

“Private Shepard, I wanted to speak to you regarding your previous request.”

Alice stood at rest, having only just emptied the contents of her water bottle down her throat, turning her attention back to her superior.  

“I’ve spoken to Lieutenant Sasaki as well as your commanding officer. They’re both in agreement that, as long as I create weekly reports on your progress, I may assist you. It would be to your benefit if we had someone available with an L3, but I will do what I can.”

“Permission to speak freely, Sir?”

It appeared to Alice that Service Chief Alenko seemed to be suppressing the urge to laugh or roll his eyes, which one she couldn’t be certain. “Granted, of course.”

“I’d prefer not to have an implant at all. I didn’t have one until I joined the Alliance and I have to say, I don’t like how it feels. The headaches are worse  _with_  it, that’s for sure.”

Kaidan seemed mildly taken aback with her statement, mostly the candor with which she spoke to him. “How much do you know about the L2 implants?”

“As much as I could find, which is to say not much. I like to read,” she blushed a little, as if this information was something she wouldn’t normally share. Which both was and wasn’t true; if she had said it as a part of the persona she had built upon joining the Alliance, it would be one thing but it wasn’t, it had been shared as a truth of who she  _really_  was. “I know they’re dangerous. The implants, I mean. And it’s dangerous to upgrade them.”

“I get headaches,” he offered, gesturing slightly to his head. “Migraines, the doctors call them. I got lucky.  _Really_  lucky. Some biotics with the L2 go insane.”

“Not to make light of your situation, but I’m fairly surprised I haven’t with this thing in my head. Does yours  _itch_  all the time?”

Kaidan made a face at her question, not because he was offended but because he was concerned. He knew there were  _many_  different reactions to the implants, but something so consistent could be an issue. “It doesn’t seem to be hampering your abilities, at least. You’re already quite developed for someone with so little professional training. What you can do is more than they usually expect from someone with a L3.”

“I think that’s why I get the headaches, honestly,” Alice shrugged a little, shoving her water bottle in her bag and slinging the duffle over her shoulder. Her stomach rumbled in the relative silence before she continued. “It’s like a suppression.” Her green eyes slid to him in a glance before she offered a half-smile. “But what do I know.”

“Probably more than you give yourself credit for, Shepard. Hit the showers, we can start training tomorrow.”

“When?”

“After dinner. You’ll get another ration of protein bars for afterward. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, Private.”

“Aye, aye, Sir,” Alice grinned, tipping her head before throwing off a salute and heading towards the communal showers.

Five months of intense practice, training, and workouts passed with a few breaks for small excursions as a part of the Alliance military. At a month shy of two years of service, Alice was brought forward in a ceremony of her peers and superiors to be granted a boost in rank.

Newly-made Corporal Shepard was given leave two weeks shy of her two year mark and with little hesitation, took the offer of two weeks of leave before what would be her first long-term mission.

With the whole of the universe, give or take a few pockets of space, at her fingertips Shepard took her time to decide where she wanted to go. By the time she had decided and booked transport, she had a week left to spend on Elysium.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Alice had ended up choosing a fairly common vacation spot for humans and aliens alike – although, she reminded herself, she really needed to quit referring to other races as ‘aliens’. It wasn’t really accurate, was it? She found herself scanning the faces of those onboard the transport, wondering idly if the C-Sec officer she had met when she first arrived on the Citadel took vacations.

She hadn’t managed to run into him but once in the eleven and a half months she’d spent on the space station, and even that was nothing but a little half-wave from across the Presidium. She had been walking with Demetrius and Juniper in a rare afternoon she actually took off from her over-exertion, mostly just taking in the sights around them.

He didn’t appear to be anywhere she could spot on the ship and so she settled back into her seat, closing her eyes and folding her arms over her chest as she waited for them to dock at Illyria.

Sometime later, Alice stood with a yawn after the ship had been all-but deserted. Rolling her head across her shoulders, she tugged her Alliance-issued duffle out from its hiding spot and draped it over her shoulder. It bounced against her hip after she hit the dock and she blinked, a few feet out of the way, to look up at the new sky.

Grinning to herself, Alice returned her gaze to the space in front of her and made her way to find something to eat.

She sought out, rather intentionally, a restaurant that catered to dextro-based foods. One of the things she had done to herself in a sort of training was putting dextro-based foods into her diet. The first few weeks, she had been pretty ill as a result of it and had spent plenty of her own money on both the alien food and replacement for what she had expelled as a result of eating it.

She had done a lot of research about the difference in the food types, going so far as to submit herself to a voluntary allergen test with the Alliance to determine just  _how_  dangerous forcibly ingesting the stuff might be. As it so happened, she had no  _real_  reaction to the D-amino acids and she believed the reason she reacted so poorly to the food was the same reason a life-long vegetarian would react poorly to eating meat.

While Elysium was a human colony, it was a vacation spot for many different races – among them being quarian and turian, although the latter was more common than the former. This being said, the dextro restaurant seemed to be the only option for such fare in the general vicinity.

Alice also happened to be the  _only_  human within twenty feet of it.

She entered with her most relaxed but confident stance and scanned the room to determine if she was to seat herself or wait for someone to direct her to a spot. She determined the latter was the way to go and so waited, shifted her bag a little and sliding her hands into her pockets.

“Are you lost? Can I help you?” the flanging voice of a male turian, higher in pitch than she would ever expect from someone so tall, caught her attention as she had been scanning some of the decorations.  She couldn’t read the language it was written in, something that mildly irritated her. She didn’t like not knowing things.

Smiling at him when she straightened, she nodded a little. “I’d like a seat, please? A table. I hope the bag isn’t a problem, I just docked.”

“I…I don’t mean to be rude, but you do know this is a dextro-only restaurant, correct?”

“Yes, sir,” she smiled a little, trying to mirror his body language as best she could. She watched his mandibles for anything that reminded her of what she had seen on the C-Sec officer’s face. “I’ve found myself with a taste for it.”

“Are you…you’re human, aren’t you?”

“I am. Don’t worry, I’m not allergic. I swear, you’re not putting me in danger by seating me. If you’d rather I leave, though…?” Alice offered, making sure that her tone suggested absolutely no offense whatsoever.

“Oh, no, that’s…that’s fine, it’s just…well, to be honest with you, it’s  _strange_ ,” he made a sound that echoed like laughter and she noted the mandible flicker like the officer’s. What was his name? Charis?  _Shit_.

“Strange I can handle,” she grinned at him as he turned his back to lead her towards an oddly shaped stool-like seat at a long, high bar.

“Is this all right? I’m Rilak, by the way.”

Alice moved passed his extended arm with a duck of her head, tucking her bag on the floor below where her feet would end up. She was a little awkward climbing up onto the stool and was fairly certain she heard the same trilling noise under Rilak’s breath that had layered his laugh before, but she couldn’t blame him. She imagined she looked pretty ridiculous trying to get onto that stool, but she managed.

With a grin, she put her hands on the edge of the counter and turned to look back at him. “Looks like it might be. Have you got mulsym here?”

Rilak’s eyes narrowed at her and Alice thought, for a moment, she had severely miscalculated the acceptance of the waiter. His mandibles fluttered in the approximation of a smile again and he nodded. “Yeah, yeah we’ve got it. Do you need a menu?”

Alice shook her head, “No, I’d like to try whatever your chef wants to cook. If that’s all right, I mean.”

“I…yeah, probably. Zersa likes to experiment.”

When Rilak wandered away, gently shaking his head, Alice wasn’t sure if he always sounded so incredulous or if it was entirely her doing. She had a sneaking suspicion it was the latter.

As she rolled her shoulders, finding a comfortable sitting position on the stool, she heard what she thought was one of the turian languages that she sort of could recognize without a translator in the distance. She wondered briefly if hers was on the fritz but checked her Omni-tool and realized that it had been an active decision of the members of the other race to block it.

That seemed a little  _rude,_ she thought with a small frown. Shrugging to herself in her solitude, she scrolled through the news that displayed in the air above her arm. A message pinged into her inbox and she was typing a reply to it when another turian approached from the other side of the counter, a little shorter than Rilak. Where his skin and plates were more of a gray-green color, the new turian was a deep rust color – although both of them had markings on their face in white, where the officer she thought had had blue. This one’s face looked more slender and their head lacked the sort of extended not-hair that Rilak and the officer had.

When they spoke, Alice identified that this one was most definitely a  _she_.

“Rilak told me that you were here but I had to see for myself.” She made a noise that sounded like surprise and her mandibles fluttered in a movement that was unfamiliar to the human. “I’m Zersa and this is my restaurant. You are the  _first_  human that has actually ordered food here. We’ve had a few stop in, but they don’t usually last long.”

Alice let out a laugh, one she hoped didn’t sound half as self-conscious as she felt. She was used to strange looks on the Citadel for her food choices, but she usually got away with it. No one  _really_  seemed to like humans,  _especially_ turians – but they liked money, regardless. “I’m Alice,” she leaned over and extended her arm in an approximation of what the officer had shown her all that time ago. The expression Zersa wore in that moment was easily recognizable as surprise as she scanned the human, hesitating only briefly before she completed the gesture.

The human pressed her newly-painted nails (she was on vacation!) against the sleeve that covered Zersa’s elbow and the turian responded, the pressure very gentle but the talons were sharp. They weren’t blunted by caps like most of those on the Citadel and she could’ve easily drawn blood, had she been so inclined.

Zersa put her three-fingered hands down on the surface of the bartop when they had separated and looked at Alice for a moment before her mandibles spread in what Alice knew was a smile. “It’s good to meet you, Alice. How long are you on Elysium?”

“Just a few days. On leave,” she tugged at her dog tags to suggest she was Alliance. “I’m based on the Citadel right now, but I’m supposed to ship out when I get back.”

“Well, you’re welcome here any time you like, you hear me? And I’ve got some family on the Citadel. I’ll send word, see that they treat you well.” Alice couldn’t identify the expression that Zersa showed her but it made her feel accepted so the young woman smiled.

“Thank you, very much. I appreciate that. I’ll be sure to tell any dextro friends I meet about this place.”

A low purring noise sounded from Zersa and that same smile movement preceded her turning around, moving back to the kitchen. Rilak returned with the mulsym and Alice sipped it happily in silence, silently thanking the C-Sec officer for his help.

By the time she was mostly done with her food, she had cultivated quite an audience. When the corporal left Zersa’s – she insisted on paying because it was  _really, genuinely_  delicious although the owner refused to let the human pay for the dessert she pushed into Alice’s hands. The redhead was glad she had taken the plunge and tried the place on a whim, feeling full and happy as she wandered back onto the streets of Illyria with her bag hefted over her shoulder.

She stopped a few paces away from the front door of the restaurant and took a moment to look up at the sky, inspecting the differences in the stars from where she stood.

“What the fuck…” shr breathed, narrowing her green-gold eyes at the brightness of something entering the atmosphere in the distance.

A big something.

 _Lots of bit somethings_.

She set the dessert on her bag as if it was a shelf and brought up her Omni-tool, searching for information on shipments. There was no such thing expected.

The Alliance officer sent off a quick message to her commanding officer, hoping he would check it, about  _multiple_  unidentifiable ships entering the atmosphere with no traceable orders before she picked the dessert from its spot and shoved it in among her clothes. Alice turned back to the restaurant and stood still for a moment, spotting Zersa.

The human couldn’t be bothered to consider how rude it might be – she took her longest possible strides across the floor to find Zersa, calling her name to interrupt her conversation. The turian turned immediately and looked at Alice with the plates above her eyes that essentially served as eyebrows lifted.

“I need to speak to you in private, immediately.  _Please_.”

Zersa scrutinized Alice briefly before the taller being nodded once and excused herself from the table of a small turian family, leading with a hand on Her shoulder back into the kitchen.

“What’s this about?”

“There were, from what I could see, eight ships coming into the atmosphere on the northern side of the city. There are no shipping records. I’ve sent a message to my commanding officer, but I think we need to-”

The restaurant shook with an impact outside, throwing the turian into a shelving unit full of pans. Alice reached for her, offering the other female a hand to help her stand – Zersa gripped Alice’s wrist too tightly and pierced a line on the outside of the pale, freckled forearm.

She apologized profusely and the redhead shook her head, wiping the blood on the leg of her own pants. “It’s fine, Zersa. It’s the least of our worries. Tell everyone you can to find whatever weapons they can and get everyone in here that can’t fight to hide…Turn the air off in the freezer and put the kids in there, it should be safe, right?”

“What if it it’s nothing?”

“Then I’ll let you know. I’ll be right back.”

“What if it’s  _something_?” she reached out for the human but stopped her hand short of the thinner shoulder, eyes shifting to the blood forming along the wound again.

Alice reached for oddly-shaped hand, so different from hers in both purpose and appearance, and pressed it into her arm. “ _I’ll be right back_. Trust me.”


	3. Lights, Camera, Acción

Alice may not have had a pistol, but she didn’t need it. She would probably find herself wishing she had one later, if things were going down the way she anticipated – but in that moment, she just needed to stay hidden. Her biotics could, hopefully, keep her safe if the worst case scenario presented itself.

She followed Zersa back into the restaurant and watched as the turian woman gestured towards a back door, to which Alice moved quickly. Dropping her bag to the floor, she bent into it and searched. A small cosmetic mirror was pulled out before she kicked the duffle to the side, letting it settle just underneath a booth. As the Alliance soldier cracked open the restaurant’s back door and eyed the surroundings. It looked as though the coast, at least on this side of the building, was so far clear. As Alice stepped out into the relative darkness of the back alley, she heard Zersa speaking in what she assumed was calming undertones with words translated mostly by her Omni-tool.

The click of the door behind her as it latched made Alice’s shoulders hike to her ears, so hyper-focused was she on the rest of the space around her. She needed to make sure she was alone, at least. There were half a dozen feet between the two buildings and twice as much distance before she’d reach an open walkway in either direction.

Scanning from one end to the other with her body pressed into the well of the doorway, Alice kept her breathing as even as she could. Nothing to the right, slow shifting to scan up and then determine what was awaiting her on the left side.

Clear.

Blessedly, beautifully clear.

Careful to stick to the wall as best she good and pick her way quietly to the far end of the alley created by two restaurants of distinctly different cuisine, Alice made her way towards the left side – it was where less of the noise had been funneling from and she hoped that would mean she’d get a decent vantage point with less worry of being caught. It was possible that she could climb to the roof, or even propel herself up if she was _incredibly_ careful but the risk of being seen was far greater with theatrics like that.

She made it unscathed to the corner of the building and cracked open the mirror, running her thumb over it to dull the shin with her skin’s oils. With her shoulder as close to the edge as she dared, she lifted the mirror in an attempt to see what she could.

The ships, now closer – landed in the middle of the square and surrounding large pathways, were clear. Even without her training in the Alliance, she would have recognized the lines of it.

Batarian.

If that wasn’t enough to betray the infiltrators, the forms of four-eyed pirates that were spilling out onto the streets were unmistakable even in the fuzzy mirror.

Alice hissed out a breath, pulling the mirror back and closing it over as quietly as she could.

As quickly as she had come, she moved back to the door she had exited and cracked it. The restaurant looked hastily deserted – _good_ , she thought.

Shifting back into the restaurant, Alice crouched low to avoid being seen through any of the windows. Tucking the mirror into one of the oversized pockets on her leg, she managed to make her way to the kitchen without incident.

After nearly being hit over the head with a heavy-looking pan by Zersa, Alice spoke in quiet whispers.

“Batarians, and a lot of them. The kids are in the freezer, right?” the turian woman nodded so Alice continued. “I haven’t heard back from my commanding officer yet. Have you been able to contact anyone else?”

“I’ve send notice to everyone I could to hide and arm themselves.”

“We have to fortify our defenses and find weapons. Fortunately, it’s dark enough that I think I can get out and in without being seen. Do you have any protein bars?”

Zersa looked at her curiously before she moved, crouched as low as her height would allow her, to rummage in a drawer. She returned with what looked like freeze-dried meat.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes. Anything with protein.” Alice took what was offered and lined her pockets. “Any coffee or energy supplements?”

Zersa returned with pills made up of different nutrients with a fairly large amount of synthesized energy. “What is this all for?”

“I’m a biotic and, right now, that’s all we’ve got. I’ve pushed myself before but not as much as I think I’m going to have to. These will help, at least. Thank you.”

Alice moved to the small window that looked out from the kitchen to the main floor of the restaurant. She connected the mostly-imaginary dots around the host’s booth and could feel the static grow in the air around her, taste the metallic mint that seemed accompanied the use of her biotic abilities. As gently and quietly as she could manage, Alice shifted the heavy metal box to press it against the door. It would be of little use with all of the windows in the place.

When it was shifted, she surveyed from her vantage point. No batarians were moving their way. Yet.

Turning around, Alice found Zersa. “The back door, I noticed a heavy lock. We need to keep it shut unless we _know_ they’re friendlies.” She paused and narrowed her eyes at the air beside Zersa’s head, a thought catching her. “Do you know the owners of the restaurant next door?”

“Yes, we’re quite friendly.”

“I have an idea. I noticed a back-alley door there. It’s small, but it could be hidden by the dumpster fairly easily. I’ll go with you. We need to see if we can get everyone here, over there.”

“Do we want everyone in the same place?”

“They won’t know,” Alice gestured with a hand alight in the blue glow of her biotics to the restaurant around her. “I’ll force the tables against the windows, make it look like we’ve fortified this place. The place next door is more solid, thicker walls and fewer points of entry. It’s safer there than here.”

“Why are we listening to a human?” someone, one of the patrons, grumbled as he Alice assumed leaned against a wall between a stove and a shelving unit.

“Because she’s the only one with ideas,” Zersa replied with narrowed eyes, a noise Alice didn’t understand emitting from somewhere near the turian’s chest.

“How do we know she isn’t just using us to protect her kind?” the reply was lower, a deep rumbling coming from a place similar to the noise Alice couldn’t identify from Zersa.

“Listen,” Alice cut in, squaring her shoulders and trying to bring herself to her full height – a grand total of five-foot three inches. “I get it. I do, I promise. But right now, _my kind_ is everyone that _isn’t_ coming from one of those batarian ships. My name is Alice Shepard, and I am just trying to _help_.”

The human extended her arm out, the same way she had to Zersa, before she turned her gaze up to the white-gray face marked with red lines. With mandibles tight to his face and pale gold eyes narrowed to nearly horizontal slits, he hesitated for a long moment. A chorus of sounds, low and rumbling, came from around them and his eyes flickered to the others in the room before returning to Alice. As if bullied into it and wanting nothing to do with it, he layered his arm over hers in the greeting gesture. When he pressed his talons against her bare flesh, he was not gentle. Alice didn’t wince as he drew blood with the tiny pricks he made, her blunted nails scraping into the hardened plate of flesh at his own arm’s juncture.

“Deccus,” he offered in a deadpan, pulling his arm back from her even as he watched her closely. Alice didn’t reach for her puncture arm, didn’t wipe the blood away as she straightened her elbow and let her hand hang at her side.

“Good.” Turning her head over her shoulder, Alice found Zersa. It appeared that the rest of those that had been forced into the kitchen – the restaurant hadn’t been wildly busy, which was either very good or very bad depending on one’s viewpoint.  “We need to run over there, ensure that we can get in, and then come back. I’ll stack the tables and whatever else I can lift against the windows, then come and keep a barrier up while you make your way over. Does that sound like a plan?”

“I’ll go with her,” Deccus offered, pushing off of the wall. He was taller than Alice by quite possibly more than a foot; if she remembered correctly, the officer at the Citadel ( _what was his name?_ ) was nearly two feet taller than she was. “You stay here and push shit up against shit.”

It took a fair bit of self-restraint for Alice not to roll her eyes at his self-important tone but she looked to Zersa, who nodded her head once. Alice then turned back to look at Deccus and nodded before she moved again to the window out to the restaurant, preparing herself to do as she had said she would.

By the time Zersa and Deccus returned, Alice was collapsed into a ball in front of the stove while Rilak helped her choke down the food and pills. The restaurant’s main floor was all but in ruins, every conceivable entrance – either door or window – had been covered back tables, chairs, uprooted booths. Alice was breathing heavily, drenched in sweat. Her sweatshirt, which had been tied around her waist, had been shoved into her bag by another turian diner at the human’s behest.

“I just…need a minute,” Alice waved a hand to dismiss the concerned trilling from Zersa, which the human only guessed by the way her eyebrow plates shifted and she moved quickly to the redhead’s side.

“We could start-”

“It’s too dangerous,” Alice shook her head, speaking around a mouthful of dried meat bar. She grimaced at the flavor – it wasn’t even that it was turian, Rilak knew first-hand no one _really_ liked the taste of those things. “They haven’t made their way here yet. I just need to shove some more of these down my throat and I’ll be right as rain.”

Zersa watched her for a long moment before she acquiesced with a nod of her head and did as they had planned, gathering everyone as close to the back of the building as she could. She explained to the children that they needed to continue to be as quiet as possible; they were going to go visit some of her friends because it was safer there. Turians, by nature or nurture or maybe both, were a very militaristic society. They pulled no punches, even with the young ones – apparently Zersa and the parents had explained exactly what was going on from the word ‘go’.

Alice appreciated how easy it made things but wondered a little at the way it affected them growing up. Then again, it wasn’t like she had had a childhood filled with ponies and rainbows either.

With two more protein bars scarfed and two of those pills washed down with copious amounts of water, the human biotic was beginning to feel more like herself. With the help if Rilak, Alice managed to make it to her feet. “Okay. So someone will run across first, get them to open the door, and then I’ll throw up a barrier. Someone is going to have to stay here long enough to keep the door open. When the door shuts on the other side, I’ll get the dumpster in front of it.”

“But then you’ll be stuck on the outside,” Zersa spoke and Alice studied the way her mandibles shifted, tight to her face but without the tension she had seen on Deccus. The human thought it might  be a frown but didn’t think that moment was the most prudent to inquire about the other race’s facial gestures.

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“Varrenshit you’ll be fine, Alice. You looked ready to pass out just now.”

“Trust me, okay?” Alice smiled wide, downing the rest of the water all in one gulp. She set the glass down in the sink as if it were any normal day.

Zersa made a low noise from her chest and Alice remembered a phrase _subharmonics_. That must be what her translator wasn’t picking up, those noises. The turian woman moved over to another set of cupboards and emptied them of all the easy-to-carry bits of meals she could find. Alice thanked her and stuffed her pockets as much as she could, storing a few more in her duffle. With a few moments more of preparation including giving her Omni-tool contact information to Zersa for communication and shifting the away bag to something she could carry more easily on her back, Alice finally felt steady enough to start their next exercise.

Deccus was the first out, crossing the space between buildings in a flash on his much-longer legs. The distant door opened and Zersa had volunteered to keep the door to her building open. Alice stood in between both buildings and tasted the mint-and-metal on her tongue as she projected a barrier. It was much large than one she had worked with before and before half of the occupants had shifted from one building to the other, she could already feel the strain as sweat beaded on her brow.

Rilak, who had been heading up a group of children, ushered them on and stopped long enough to shove half a protein bar into her mouth. Alice smiled appreciatively around the food before she cocked her head hard in the direction of the other restaurant to pressure him forward.

When the turians had all crossed, Zersa pulled the door closed as quietly as she could. Alice moved closer to her, knowing that the energy needed to protect just the two of them would harm her less than keeping up the walkway.

Alice led her across, trying to keep her head down but her eyes open for assailants. They had gotten way too lucky and she knew from personal experience that luck ran out.

“I wish you wouldn’t,” Zersa spoke as she moved into the doorway.

“Mother me later,” Alice smiled wide again, even as her eyes felt heavy with the exhaustion. “Stay safe. Keep me updated on the goings-on, and I’ll let you know when I know anything.”

Zersa seemed to hesitate a moment before she reached out and pulled the human a little closer with her talon-tipped hands on the woman’s shoulders. Leaning down from her height, she pressed her forehead gently to the redhead’s freckled one. “Don’t get dead, Alice.”

The redhead made a note to ask her what the gesture meant later, even if she could guess, before she moved back and closed the door over. Leaning with her back against it, she popped an energy and nutrient pill before mowing down on one of the snacks she had hidden on her person. Her whole body shook with the effort she had expended and the idea of moving the dumpster, even the few feet required to hide the human-sized door, made her feel a little green around the gills.

Taking in several big gulps of air, Alice checked both ends of the alley before pushing herself off of the door. She had heard several metallic _clicks_ of the locks being secured on the other side and felt happy in the idea that at least these people might live.

They _would_ , if she had anything to say about it. 

Gritting her teeth, Alice moved to the other side of the dumpster and with both her physical might and the supplement biotic push she was able to scrape the large metal container to hide the entrance to the thick-walled building. She slid down corner created by the wall building and the smelly container, making herself as small as she could while she caught her breath and refueled again. She needed just a few moments to gather herself and then she would search out any other Alliance on leave. She knew at least a few members of her class had been given leave, although most of them had left before she had. She knew that she had a decent chance they would be there.

While she waited for the food to catch up with her body and her body to catch up with her mind, Alice flicked open her Omni-tool. No word from the commanding officer.

She scrolled through her limited contacts, sending off quick messages to determine if anyone she knew was in Illyria or anywhere close enough to help. Alice received no responses by the time she closed the interface back to the stealth mode on her wrist after briefly studying a map of the surrounding area.

With a grunt, Alice lifted herself from the ground and listened long enough to determine which way seemed like the safer option. She was thankful for the cover of night, although she imagined the batarians had an advantage over her in the eyesight department.

Moving to the right side of the alley this time, Alice stopped at the edge of the building and withdrew her mirror from her pocket once more. Checking her surroundings without revealing her position, she determined that she could make it across the street at the very least. It was, to her benefit, the direction she had determined was her best bet.

With a silent prayer to whoever might be listening, she tucked the mirror back into her pocket and took out as fast as she could towards the distant side.

No bullets. No shouts.

 _Something is going to go wrong_ , she thought as she caught her breath across from the hiding place she had stowed Zersa and Rilak in, scanning what she could see of the building’s façade to ensure it was still intact.

For now, they were safe.

Alice scanned her surroundings and found a path to the roof of the nearest building. Slowly and quietly, she found her way to the roof and laid flat on her stomach until she could get her bearings. Utilizing a snail’s pace army crawl, she made her way to the front corner of the building that would give her the best view of the city square.

The lights in the square, both from streetlamps and the ships that had landed, illuminated far more batarians than she would have guessed.

And a few too many bodies for her liking.

Frowning deeply, Alice wracked her brain for a solution. What in the world could she do, one against easily over a hundred _that she could see_ armed batarians?

With a sharp inhale as she pushed herself back from the corner to the far end of the building to find her foothold down again, she realized exactly what she could do.

She could fucking fight.


	4. Got My Blue Nail Polish On. [It’s my favorite color and my favorite tone of song.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I don't know anything about military tactics and I'm doing an assload of research on biotics. So. If you have suggestions, let me know? Anyway - have fun!

Before Alice made it back across the roof, the sky in the opposite direction of the square lit up in tiny, sporadic bursts.

She didn’t need to hear the _pop_ to recognize it as gunfire. She was hesitant to leave Zersa and company behind in the event that they needed her, but it appeared that someone else might too. Gritting her teeth with the decision, she checked the distance between her current position and where she thought the gunfire had taken place.

As she clambered down the side of the building, something struck the ground of Elysium with such force that she lost her grip. After being shaken free from her holds, she crashed to the pavement in a heap atop her padded duffle. She knew the food inside would be smashed to shit beneath her but, with any luck, still edible. She was incredibly fortunate it had softened her landing, even if the force of it all had knocked the breath from her lungs.

Alice allowed herself to lay there for a few minutes as she caught her breath and made sure that she wasn’t broken, or caught.

The acrid smell of smoke from an active fire caught her off-guard and she coughed, sitting up slowly as she tried to determine where the smoke was coming from. Before she had a chance to, a slight vibration against her wrist let her know there was a message on her Omni-tool.

Opening the interface, she scanned the words from an unfamiliar number.

_Civilians awaiting direction. –Z_

Alice let out a breath of relief as she typed a response.

 **Anyone with weapons, take out small groups. Do not actively seek out a fight. Fight to protect, fight to live. Anyone without, do their best to stay safe and hidden. If we have snipers, get them on rooftops. Everyone spread the word.** Alice hesitated before typing out, **We will prevail.  –Shepard**

Sending off the message, she closed down the interface and brought herself to standing. Guerilla warfare was the best they had, and it would have to be enough. At least for the moment.

She still had no word from anyone that might be off-planet, which worried her about her ability to call out of the atmosphere. Had the batarian’s knocked out communications?

Assuming no one was coming was the only way to proceed, then. With that in mind, Alice also had to hope that the batarians didn’t have anyone else coming. There were millions of people on all of Elysium, although many of them were too far from Illyria to come to their aid – this assumed, of course, that the batarians were focusing only on the capital city and hadn’t _also_ started an assault on other larger parts of the human colonies.

Now that it was all said and done, she was too disoriented to remember which direction the gunfire had been in well enough to trust it. Instead, she came up with a plan.

Moving as quietly as she could through the abandoned streets, she found what looked like a ghost block. It was far enough away from where she _knew_ people were to feel comfortable.

She sent off a few more S.O.S. pings to any Alliance outpost within a three hour radius before she closed down her Omni-tool, stuffed more food and energy pills in her mouth, and sent up what amounted to a flare of biotics.

Immediately after, she enveloped herself in a barrier and pressed against the wall in a slight dip to keep herself as hidden as she could.

The thrum of boots came her way and two armed batarians passed into her line of sight. She focused on the one closest to her and pressed against the nodes along him with as much force as she could muster. The push threw him into his compatriot and the two of them toppled to the ground.

She rushed forward, kicking one of the guns far enough away to use before she encased them in a stasis long enough to grab the weapon. She wasn’t _good_ with assault rifles, but she could at least shoot it.

Alice wasn’t certain she could pull it off, but she was going to try.

Letting the stasis drop, she threw the disarmed batarian as she sent a round of fire at the one scrambling to gather his gun. He stopped moving before he reached it and the other one was rushing her as she sent out another spray of bullets. She hit him, but not enough. He barreled into her, knocking her onto her back and sending the rifle skidding across the pavement.

Her barrier had faded while she started the stasis and the batarian’s hands closed around her neck. Her own fingers scrambled against the batarian’s similar digits to remove them from her throat. Pushing out a burst of biotic energy, she hit him hard enough to throw him off of her. When he made contact with the side of the nearest building, he didn’t get up again.

Without taking the necessary time to recoup after expending so much energy, she quickly gathered the two rifles and took off at a run toward her next point.

She gathered as many rifles as she could this way before she pulled herself into a hiding spot – she had to be careful not to lead any of them back to Zersa but she needed to bring them the rifles.

Taking the time to make sure no one had followed, she broke into her reserves again and popped an energy pill. After swallowing it, hoping she could get a bottle of water somewhere, she munched on a dried stick of some kind of animal she didn’t know the name of. She was sick of eating but she was also feeling the effects of her attacks. She had managed to take out seventeen batarians with a bullet in the side to show for it. Seven groups of two and a group of three – that was where she had gotten her _medal of honor_ , she had deemed it – and it was probably a tenth of the force. She had stashed some of the rifles but carried as many as she could by emptying her pack of the clothes and shoving the guns in as many places as she could. She had found a few civilians in her circle of the city’s center and unloaded a few of the rifles for their defense, giving them three extra so that they could give them to anyone they came across.

She had stashed four and had managed to carry six with her, two streets away from where she had left her new friend.

Bringing up her Omni-tool, she checked for any missed messages.

She was disappointed but not surprised to find that there weren’t any.

**Bringing six rifles. Where do I go? –Shepard**

Alice waited for the tell-tale vibration as she hid, glad for the moment of respite.

_Can you make it to the roof? –Z_

Alice groaned inwardly and dropped her head back against the wall behind her with a thunk.

“Yeah, sure,” she mumbled to herself.

**Yes. –Shep**

A few more seconds and _There’s a hatch. I’ll be waiting on the ladder. –Z_

**Three short knocks. If it isn’t three, it isn’t me. -Shep**

With a grunt, Alice hefted herself to her standing position and began to slink her way towards the turians she had left behind before.

With her efforts to obtain the weapons, the batarians had started branching out more from the center of the city. She had to take extra care as she moved across the streets and in the shadows to ensure that she didn’t get caught, especially with the rifles jostling in the bag on her back. She had left just enough clothing to pad between them, or so she hoped.

Scaling the building was another thing entirely. Alice had to circle it twice before she found a way to climb, praying with everything she had that there would not be another impact to shake her from the side. She didn’t think she could get so lucky twice, and with the wound in her side she was terrified of what it might do to her were she to fall from the height.

Finally, blessedly, she made it to the roof of the building.

She lay flat on her stomach after scaling the lip of the roof, waiting three breaths before she even searched out the hatch. From her angle, she couldn’t see it. Shifting caused her to clench her jaw with the pain in her side. Her vision blurred when she started crawling on her belly towards the far metal lid.

When she made it, she waited three more breaths.

Clear.

Reaching a hand out, she knocked three times in quick succession. Pulling herself up enough to remove her pack, she waited until the lid lifted.

“Alice?”

“It’s me,” the redhead responded to Zersa, the top of her head visible.

“Oh, thank the Spirits. Are you okay?” the turian woman spoke in a whisper as she peered into the darkness. Alice wondered if she had better night vision than the human but didn’t ask.

“Okay enough,” Alice shifted the bag to the hole in the building’s roof. “There should be six in there, and a few heat sinks. Any word?”

“Everyone’s still responding, thank the Spirits. They’re amassing in the city center, they’ve taken hostages.”

“They won’t keep them,” Alice muttered, shifting her gaze to where the ships had landed heavily amongst the fountain and statues.  Something clicked in her head and a plan formed. “Tell everyone to keep the perimeter as best they can. When they see the signal, move in as fast and hard as they can. _But be goddamn careful_.”

“What signal, Alice?”

“It’ll be pretty obvious.”

“One person can only handle so much,” Zersa sighed a little and Alice could feel the turian’s gaze on her.

“I’ve got a bit more in me. We’re going to end this. And afterwards, I’m going to need you to make me more of that dessert.” She had scarfed it when she emptied her bag, happy for the refueling option. Her stores were running low and she was going to need everything she had in her for this next move.

“We make it through this and I’ll keep you in it for a year, wherever the Spirits take you after this.”

“Be prepared to make a _lot_ of dessert,” Alice grinned at her, teeth bright in the darkness.

“Don’t get dead.”

“You either,” Alice nodded once before she shifted to close the lid over. She shimmied to the edge of the roof and considered her options. She couldn’t make the jump, but she’d need a good vantage point.

Sucking in a deep breath, she waited to ensure she wasn’t going to be caught unawares on her way down and made the shift to the alley below. Hiding against the dumpster like before, she brought up her map again on the Omni-tool. She had marked off spots where she knew where players on both sides were. There was a building two blocks closer that would give her the best opportunity for her ploy, she just needed to make it there.

She jerked her head around at an unexpected sound and shut the Omni-tool, waiting for another noise to signify someone.

“ _Alice,_ ” came a recently-made familiar voice.

“Deccus, get the fuck down,” Alice hissed, reached up and grabbing at the only thing she could reach – a spur on the back of his leg nearest her. He didn’t seem to like it much and growled lowly as he dropped to her side. He had two rifles on his person. “What the fuck are you doing out here?”

“Zersa said you’re going for it, whatever _it_ is.”

“Yeah, and?” The rumbling sound from his chest set her on edge and she groaned. “You don’t trust me to pull it off?”

“Call it whatever you want, but the patrols have increased and you’re safer with someone that can shoot.”

“I can shoot,” she griped, feeling like a petulant child more than just a little.

“I’ve been in the military longer than you’ve been alive. Just tell me where we’re going.”

Alice glowered at him in the darkness, making room for him in her hiding spot before she pulled up the map again. As she moved her fingers and spoke to him, she considered what he had said. He sure as hell didn’t _look_ like he was twice her age. Then again, her limited experience with his race had made it hard for her to pinpoint gender right away. She was quickly growing more used to the differences though, and the pricks on her elbow had healed from their earlier interaction.

She pointed out the route she thought would be safest and the end point, expressing the need for height.

“Why are you going all the way around, then?”

“I don’t want them to know what direction I came from, in case it all goes to pot.”

His pale gold eyes narrowed before he blinked at her, huffing out an incredulous noise. “You really are trying to save all our hides, aren’t you?”

“ _We_ are,” she corrected with a lopsided smile before she flicked her Omni-tool closed. She waited three breaths and shifted up to check their surroundings. “You ready?” she asked in a quiet breath, barely needing to bend over even as Deccus crouched. He nodded once and straightened only enough to make walking possible.

They ran into some trouble about halfway around, taking out five more batarians. Alice had to admit that she was glad he had come, although if he hadn’t delayed her she might’ve managed to bypass them – if she hadn’t, she surely wouldn’t have survived the altercation on her own. Three, maybe - but five? There was no way.

“You’re a shit shot, you know that, Alice?” Deccus snorted despite his need to catch his breath as they gathered up the rifles that had been dropped. Alice tossed hers, spent and overheated to boot, and took up the one with the most ammo from the recently deceased.

“Yeah, well, I don’t see you manipulating matter with your head,” Alice laughed a little, shoving a piece of protein bar into her mouth as they picked their way across the street.

They finally made it to their destination and Deccus hoisted Alice up before she reached down to help him up. He intentionally gripped her arm with less force than he could have to avoid tearing the skin open with his talons but the gesture caused the wound to tear. She could feel the flesh rendering and couldn’t keep the grimace off her features as they ended up side-by-side on the roof.

“You’re injured,” Deccus commented as he resituated himself.

“It’s fine,” Alice spoke through gritted teeth as she pressed a hand to her side.

“I can smell your blood.”

The words struck Alice more than they should have. They lights of the ships and the city’s lamps cast a dull glow on the roof, the two of them huddled together on one side of what was likely a smokestack.

“I’m sorry?” she laughed a little, feeling unsure of herself for not the first time that night.

“How bad is it?”

“Bullet’s still in me,” she frowned, pulling her hand back. It was sticky with her blood, even through the pair of pants she had wrapped around herself to keep everything where it belonged.

“How’s your vision?”

“Dark,” she joked, gesturing with her bloodied hand to the air around them. Deccus didn’t seem amused. “I’m fine.”

“You won’t be. Let me see it.”

“We don’t have time for this, Deccus.”

“You won’t have time for _anything_ if it kills you. Now, Alice.”

“Do you even know anything about human anatomy?” Despite her words, the woman lifted her torn t-shirt and untied the makeshift bandage she had created from her sweatpants, leaning back against the smoke stack and extending her torso for his inspection.

“Enough,” was his reply as he traced the wound oozing red with a talon. He bent over her, face close enough that she could feel his breath against her skin. His fingers moved over her blood-slick skin and smeared the red over her side, to her back. She hissed as he pressed. Apparently, the bullet was close to the surface on her side. It had gone in sideways and she was fairly certain she had been _way too lucky_ , she didn’t have any of the symptoms of internal bleeding and she hadn’t had any issues with digesting the mass amount of calories she had been ingesting. “I can get it out but it can also probably stay until you get somewhere they can perform surgery. Problem is the blood, though.”

“Thanks, doc,” she half-grunted, half-laughed. Deccus didn’t seem to be particularly amused, although one side of his mandible looked like it might be fluttering in the turian approximation of a smile.

“What you had tied on there, give it to me.”

Alice watched him curiously as she shifted enough to hand him the pants. He inspected them for a moment before he used a talon to slice through the material. Her mouth went dry at how easy it slice through the fabric. He looped his arms underneath, around her and wrapped the fabric. He tied it **hard** on the opposite side of her body from the wound.

“You humans are far too soft,” he mumbled, bunching up the bloody other half of her pants – he had used only one pant leg – and depositing it against the smokestack.

“We’re _really_ soft in the best places,” Alice spoke smoothly as she tucked her shirt back down, reaching into her pants and gathering up the last of her supplies. She grinned in the darkness at the strange expression on his face. She patted his shoulder gently as she managed to get to her feet. She downed the last the food. “Okay. Stay hidden until you absolutely can’t anymore. I have to be able to see them to know what I’m doing.”

“What _are_ you doing?” Deccus managed after a long moment, preparing each rifle in order of the most ammo.

“You’ll see,” she responded as she shifted from their hiding spot, slinking across the roof. There was more light there than she had been used to the entire night and she just prayed they hadn’t managed to get snipers set up on another rooftop nearby enough to take the shot.

On her knees on the edge of the roof, she slid the last two energy pills into her cheeks. The taste was horrid, but it would be worth it. Focusing her entire self on the center of the amassed forces, Alice let loose every modicum of power she knew she had and some she hadn’t.

The technical term was a singularity, but Alice wasn’t bothered too much by those parts of her teachings. She listened and learned, of course, but creating one was something else entirely. Especially one this intense.

The sky lit up as the field expanded, pulling in panels form buildings and crushing the batarians under the edges of their ships. The blue glow emanating from the center of the city was the signal, and it did not go unnoticed.

The civilian and Alliance military forces that Zersa had been able to amass began to stalk forward. In the haze of her focus, Alice could hear the gunfire as a sort of cacophony of background noise.

Bullets were flying around her and before she realized what was happening, she had been pushed to the roof by a heavy turian body.

“You have to protect yourself,” Deccus growled from above her and she blinked up at him, as if it took her effort to find his face in the darkness.

“That’s your job,” she responded with a hiss as she shoved at his carapace. He moved back and crouched at her side, using the assault rifle more like a sniper rifle despite the difficulty of it. His shoulder jerked back with the fire, but he was more than sufficiently skilled.

Alice let out a roar as she broke the capsules between her teeth, swallowing as she took up her spot and brought down a singularity that seemed to be even more powerful than the one before. The base of her skull, the thin line of scar where her implant had been inserted, burned with the effort and her head began to ache fiercely.

She could feel her whole body shake with the effort to remain on her knees, blue nail polish chipping as her fingernails broke because of the grip she had on the stone edge of the rooftop while she focused herself on maintaining and increasing the size of the biotic onslaught.

“Spirits.”

Alice barely heard his whisper over the sound of her own labored breathing, vision darkening at the edges as the field pulled things and people and ships together in a heap.

She tried to smile but couldn’t; the plan was working, better than she had thought it would, but she didn’t know how long she would be able to hold on.

When she collapsed, her body falling to the side and then onto her back, she gazed up at the stars until she could see nothing but black.


	5. What I Truly Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this happened? Muse does what it wants, I guess. Onward!
> 
> Thanks for the comment, the subscriptions, the bookmark, and the kudos! Thanks to those reading for reading, glad to know my brainchild is appreciated. :)

When she woke up, she was floating.

Scratch that. She was being carried.

With a bleary-eyed scan, Alice realized that Deccus was carrying her bridal-style against his hard chest. “We win?” she croaked, head turned to look up at him over the edge of his carapace.

With an expression that was very clearly a smile even to the muddled human draped across his arms, Deccus replied, “Yeah, Alice. Alliance landed just after your little show. Apparently there were some ships outside of the atmosphere heading off batarian reinforcements. They got your messages.”

“Is everyone okay?” Alice’s tongue felt like heavy sandpaper in her dry mouth. The more she woke up, the more everything hurt. Her vision remained blurred and her body felt like a limp noodle, but she could tell they weren’t on the roof. She wondered idly how they had gotten down.

“No,” Deccus said simply, mandibles close to his jaw. “But there are more batarians on the ground than anyone else, and that’s thanks to you.”

“Us,” she corrected, coughing. Deccus held her closer a little, as if to suppress the cough. The movement jarred her wound and she let out a hiss, limp hand shifting and reaching for something, anything to hold on to. She grabbed the side ridge created by the curve of his carapace and a noise rumbled from his chest beneath her fingertips but he didn’t say anything. “We did it, all of us, together.”

“Nobody would’ve been able to do a damn thing if you hadn’t run around like a crazy person and nearly killed yourself with your biotic stunt back there. I didn’t even _know_ a human biotic could _do_ that.”

Despite herself, Alice laughed. “Yeah, neither did I.”

When they made it to the Alliance medical ship, Deccus only relinquished Corporal Shepard onto a gurney with the utmost promise that she would be seen to immediately. She was – an IV was inserted even before they’d gotten to her stomach. She could hear bits and pieces of the conversations around her, but her focus waned.

Alice came to again, sometime later, to find herself back on the Citadel. She was alone, or so it appeared, in the recovery room of the Alliance outpost on the space station.

Groggily, she forced herself into a seated position and took stock of her injuries. Her head ached – she was pretty certain that wasn’t going to go away any time soon. Her side throbbed dully, as if an afterthought, and she felt weaker than she could ever remember feeling.

“All in all,” she mumbled to herself, “not too shabby.”

“I’d say so,” a low flanging voice erupted from the side.

Alice turned her head slowly and looked on in surprise, “Deccus? What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, a strangely human movement for the turian, and took a few steps towards her bed. “Figured I could learn a thing or two about human anatomy if I stuck around while they dug the bullet out. Besides,” he shifted an arm from his side and set a container on the edge of her bed, “Zersa insisted.”

Alice couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she gathered the box into her lap, opening it to reveal a new dextro-based dessert she hadn’t seen before. “She’s all right, then? Rilak? The children?”

“You saved a restaurant-full of turians and probably half the colony of Elysium,” Deccus offered by way of response. “You’re something else, Alice. Or…should I say, Lieutenant Shepard.”

“It’s Corporal,” Alice corrected around her mouthful of dessert, giving him a curious look.

“Not anymore, it isn’t. You’ve been out for two days. You’ve got an award coming too, but the twitchy-looking human that came to check on you said I shouldn’t mention it.”

“Twitchy?” Alice furrowed her eyebrows, trying to think of who she would constitute as ‘twitchy’ that knew her well enough to care to come and visit. “And you just did.”

“What is that human saying? ‘My bad’?” The flutter of his mandibles was distinctly a smile.

“So I go comatose for a few days and I skip three ranks? I should sleep more often,” she grinned at him after having swallowed. The sound Deccus made was most definitely laughter, which made her smile wider. “You’re not just fucking with me, right? Am I dreaming? Dead?” Alice paused and reached a hand out to pinch her thigh. She winced a little, over-dramatized for his benefit.

“What’re you doing, dreaming of an ancient turian?”

Alice barked out a laugh; despite the fact that the sound made her own head hurt, it felt good. “Only thing that would make it better would be if you were feeding me this…whatever it is. Then I’d  _know_  I was dreaming.”

“Savillum,” Deccus offered by way of explanation. “You’re a strange human, you know that?”

“I don’t think I even need the qualifier,” she smiled before licking her fingers clean. It wasn’t very civilized, but she didn’t really care either. “So you sticking around Citadel space for a bit?”

“Have to see you get your award, at least. Came all this way to make sure you’re in one piece, I’d like to see it through to the end.”

Alice nodded a little, distracted as she put the cake-like dessert to the side to save some of it for later. She would have been lying if she said she wasn’t incredibly surprised that he was there. “You said ‘ancient turian’. So how old are you, then?”

“Isn’t that a rude question?”

“Only if you’re a female, and even then I don’t know if that’s true of any race other than humans.”

Deccus snorted a sort of half-laugh. “Yes, well. Forty-one, since you asked.”

Alice whistled lowly and the turian gave her what could only be described as a curious, playfully perturbed look.

“What?” he asked.

“You _are_ ancient,” she grinned, although it shifted into a wince fairly quickly as she moved in a manner in which her healing wound didn’t approve.

Deccus cleared his throat, a hum of subvocals that Alice could barely pick up on trailing beneath the surface as he moved closer and adjusted her pillows to help prop her up better. “What you did out there, Alice. That was…”

“-Wreckless?” Gunnery Chief Alenko, who had been promoted alongside Alice before her trip off-station, entered from the opposite side of the room from where Deccus had been hiding.

“Ahh, the twitchy one,” Deccus murmured, his mandible brushing against Alice’s cheek as he righted himself from adjusting the pillows.

Alice laughed throatily, shifting her eyes from Kaidan to Deccus and back again. “Yes, sir.”

“You could’ve killed yourself,” Kaidan frowned deeply, a relaxed posture as he approached the bed. “And I’m not ‘sir’, Lieutenant.”

Alice’s green eyes widened as she looked at him, shifting into a quick salute at her bedside. “Wait…” she looked backed to Deccus. “You weren’t fucking with me?”

“No,” Deccus’ mandibles fluttered into a turian approximation of a grin and Alice let out a breath of air in an astounded ‘huh’.

“Oh, shit, uh, no-…I mean-… at ease, Chief.” Alice stumbled, looking at Kaidan. “That’ll take some getting used to. Deccus seemed to be barely holding in laughter and the redhead shot him a scathing look. “But…yeah, Alenko. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that. And I understand ranks and whatnot, but for the love of the Maker please just act _normal_ in here. At least until someone shows up that will actually give a damn.”

The corner of Kaidan’s mouth twitched up in a smile, the sort of half-smirk that Alice had been trying to weasel out of him for the last few months. He didn’t slip very often, but every once and a while he was just _Kaidan_ even if it was just for a brief moment.

“Permission-” the Canadian started, his posture relaxed once more.

Alice glared, “What did I _just_ say, Alenko?”

Deccus snorted and Alenko cleared his throat as if to cover a similar sound. The latter glanced to the turian before to his recently-made superior officer. “You could’ve fried your implant with a show like that.”

“I already told you I hate the fucking thing. Maybe if I fried it, they’d take it _out_.”

“Or you’d be a vegetable,” he frowned and Deccus, who had long-since brought himself to his full height at her side, folded his arms over his chest.

“This is what the Council races says about humans, all in one room,” the turian chuckled a little, an eyebrow plate lifted.

“Ahhh, no. Alenko’s not being antagonistic, he’s just a worrier.” Alice grinned, looking to the man she spoke about briefly. “Isn’t that right, Chief?”

“Someone has to worry. You’re too brash,” he managed a brief laugh, rounding out the joke. “But..uhh, Lieutenant, Admiral Hackett asked me to check in with you. To see when you think you’ll be up to…well, being up. He doesn’t trust the doctor to tell him the truth about it, thinks you don’t need another week recovery.” It was fairly apparent from the way that Kaidan spoke that he _disagreed_ with Hackett’s belief and thought Alice should have that week.

“No time,” Alice started as she leaned forward, reaching out towards Deccus. It surprised both of the males that she reached for the turian, but it hadn’t been a conscious decision on her part. Despite the lack of expectation, Deccus was ready and offered both his hands to help stabilize her as she shifted out of the hospital bed and found her feet. "....Like the present."

She swayed a bit, hands clutching at the turian’s forearms.

“Alice…” he let out a low noise in the form of her name, the air between them vibrating with his subharmonics.

“Don’t you start,” she rolled her eyes, taking in a deep breath before she let go of him. His hands hovered briefly near her shoulders, to catch her if she fell, but she did not.

Nodding once, Alice looked down at grimaced at the flimsy gown she wore – and then she let out a laugh. She turned around and saw Alenko, face red as her hair and hidden behind one hand. “Alenko, you’re fine.” Glancing at Deccus, she shrugged a little to herself before she turned her back to the turian. The gown was closed fairly tightly, but there was a visible strip of skin from below her neck all the way down. “Alenko, look at me.” Kaidan cleared his throat and lowered his hand, tilting his head so that he could see her. Behind her, he also saw the turian who made no bones about investigating the new expanse of flesh. He seemed interested it in a more clinical way than any other, but Kaidan would have been lying if he said it didn’t make him feel uncomfortable. “Earth to Alenko, I need you to get me my uniform. As much as _I_ don’t particularly care about modesty, I’m fairly certain I shouldn’t go running around the base with my ass exposed.”

“ _That’s_ what that is,” Deccus guffawed over her shoulder and Alice laughed a little.

“Aye, aye,” Kaidan said, glad for the excuse to leave. He kicked himself for not bringing it to begin with, but he hadn’t honestly expected her to get out of bed so quickly. What she had done was _incredible_ , although he had only seen footage of the damage it had wrought. He really did worry that she would have long-term damage to her implant but wasn’t all that surprised that she had tried regardless. _Brash_ was definitely word one could use to describe Shepard, when you got to know her at least.

Alice trailed Kaidan with her gaze and the second he was out of earshot, she hissed, “Catch me,” as her weak knees gave out beneath her. Deccus may not have heard or understood what she meant, but his talon-tipped hands were tucked beneath her arms before her knees met the floor.

“And here I was going to ask you about this whole ‘ _ass’_ thing,” Deccus huffed good-naturedly, gingerly picking Alice up before she could complain and sitting her back on the bed. After he had relinquished her to the pillows, he checked the IV to make sure it was still appropriately connected before shoving the box of dessert at her. “You should finish this. He’ll be back sooner than you’d like and if you intend to continue this ruse, you’ll need all the help you can get.”

Alice feigned a deep frown as she opened up the dessert again, ready to attack it. “What, you mean you’re not going to follow me around waiting to catch me?”

“Isn’t there some human saying about sweeping you off your feet?” Deccus folded his arms over his chest, an eyebrow plate lifted in curiosity.

Alice snorted derisively. “Are you _flirting_ with me, Deccus?”

The turian faltered at that a little. Was he? He wasn’t _trying_ – Spirits take him, yes he was. The strange image of her paper-colored backside, dotted with tiny dark brown constellations wasn’t leaving his mind any time soon.

“Don’t go breaking anything there, big guy,” Alice laughed, a full and deep sound that he hadn’t heard before. She had eaten two large bites while he seemed frozen and she felt like she needed to jar him from his reverie, lest he combust. “No harm, no foul. But be prepared for a _lot_ of really corny jokes. I feel a ‘I keep falling for you’ coming on.”

And just like that, he stopped worrying about what it _meant_ that he didn’t mind the sheer amount of hair that grew from her head or the fact that his talon could tear into her with a flick of his wrist. He chuckled lowly instead, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he watched her eat food from his home planet.

Several hours later, after a debriefing during which Alice was blessedly able to sit and the broadcast ceremony during which she had to hold onto the podium more than half the time, the newly-promoted Lieutenant found herself alone on a bench in the Presidium. Her quick ascension through the ranks had left more than a few other service members rankled but the whispers were still quiet in the wake of her success.

She was proud of herself although a little weary. Everything was happening very quickly and, although she had initially been slotted to be sent off-base on a mission, she had been put up for ICT training amongst the myriad of other things. Her Star of Terra was pinned to her uniform, placed there by Admiral Hackett – which was left folded neatly in her bunk as she wandered in relaxed sweats.

She _should_ be proud, she told herself – even if her head hadn’t stopped aching and her hands hadn’t stopped shaking.

“There you are,” Deccus spoke as he settled beside her on the bench, his much-longer legs stretched out.

“Careful, someone might think you actually _like_ me,” she grinned at him, turning her attention to him and away from her thoughts and worries. “I needed to breathe. I’m fairly surprised no one else found me yet.”

“I watched the broadcast too.”

“For shame,” Alice laughed before she winced. “Was it obvious?”

“You gripping the podium? Probably not to anyone other than twitchy and myself.”

The Alliance lieutenant smiled broadly. “Is he really that twitchy? I never noticed. He usually seems pretty collected to me.”

“Micro-movements,” Deccus offered, waving his hand dismissively. “You humans have fairly terrible senses. I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long.”

“What do you mean, terrible senses?”

“You can’t smell or see half of what we do.”

“I think that might be to our benefit,” she chuckled a little, wrinkling her nose. “But tell me about this micro-movement nonsense.”

“Nonsense, she calls it,” he huffed, crossing his arms over his front and leaning back against the bench. “Small muscle movements, _twitches_. The way someone leans, the movement of their eyes. Not _all_ turians are as adept at picking them up as others, especially with other species. A lot of the way we, turians, communicate are through more subtle avenues than with our voices. Your chief has a lot of repressed feelings.”

“You can tell that by the way he _twitches_?” Alice asked incredulously, eyebrows lifted in disbelief.

“The harder someone tries to hide something, the more they tend to broadcast it in the little ways. At least humans.”

“Okay, what am I hiding, then?”

“I can’t tell you _what_ , just that you _are_.”

“How hard am I trying, then, O Perceptive One?” Alice teased, pressing a finger against the hard plate that covered his shoulder.

“You’re better at it than he is,” Deccus shrugged, sparing a glance at her offending digit. “Why do you think I don’t call _you_ twitchy, Alice?”

The woman laughed and was glad, regardless of how confused she was, that he had followed her from Elysium. “I’m headed planet-side for a couple months. They’ve got me going to N1 training.”

“For the turians in the room…?” Deccus prodded and Alice was surprised at the humor he had. This was nothing near what she had expected from their initial interaction, that was certain.

“Interplanetary Combatives Training. Special-ops, basically. It’s the first round, there are five after if I make it through.”

“At this point, I’d be surprised to find an ‘if’ that was applicable to you.”

“Flatterer,” Alice barked a laugh. “But seriously. Fine. _When_ I make it through this one, I’ll have a week off before I head to wherever the hell they want to send me for the second stage – and so on and so on.”

“How long is it from start to finish?” Deccus asked, watching her openly.

“All said and done, it’s a two year process with a week between all but the last round. N5 to N6, there’s a two week break. Then it’s off for six months again, not sure where.” Alice let out a sigh as the reality of it hit her. Despite the fact that to everyone else she was twenty, she remembered she _wasn’t_. The truth of her age caught up with her in the quiet moments, when she thought about what she had done and what she was going to. She wondered idly what Deccus had been doing at eighteen. Or twenty, for that matter. “Tell me something,” she started, shifting to face herself more towards him.

“What is it you want to know?”

“You said you’d been in the military for longer than I’ve been alive. When did you join?”

“Mandatory enlistment at fifteen,” he replied easily. “Many turians choose other paths after the first five years, something other than pure enlistment. You can retire at thirty, if you want.”

“But you didn’t want?” she laughed a little, mirroring his posture with her arms folded over her middle.

“I enjoy what I do and I’m not so old that I can’t keep doing it. I was on active duty until my mid-twenties, though.”

Alice traced the line of his facial markings with her eyes, the thick red swipes on his chin were reflected on his forehead and two thinner stripes lined his mandibles. “What is it you do, then?”

Deccus looked at her, unwavering, for a long moment. “I’m an engineer. Aerospace engineer, if you want specifics. Why the sudden line of questioning?”

She shrugged slightly and shifted more, bringing a leg flat onto the bench and bending her knee. Her shin was a hair’s breadth from his thigh. “There’s too much I don’t know about turians, and too much I don’t know about you. Hell, there’s too much I don’t know about _everything_.”

The turian watched her and his mandibles flickered as he considered the words he meant to say. Before he had a chance to make a fool of himself, however, she spoke again.

“What will you be doing in nine weeks and three days?”

“They’re only giving you three more days to recuperate? I imagine twitchy isn’t happy about that.” Deccus smirked, the human version of the expression spreading across Alice’s face. “To answer your question, likely delivering desserts from Zersa to wherever you dock for your vacation.”

“ _Vacation_ ,” Alice snorted at the thought but she quickly smiled instead. “Okay. Nine weeks and two days from now, send me a message and let me know where to go, then.”

“You’re letting me pick where you’re spending your break? Don’t you have friends?”

The words could have stung, if Alice thought he meant them. Although he _did_ seem genuinely intrigued by the idea. “I have Juniper and Demetrius, I suppose. Other biotics in my class. And Alenko? I mean, they’re the only ones other than you that visited me that weren’t from Command. Zersa. No family, though. So, yeah. You’re stuck with me.”

The one-sided mandible flicker that Alice believed to be a smirk shifted Deccus’ features and he unfolded his arms, setting his hands on his thighs. What equated to his pinky brushed her shin in the space she had left between their legs. “I suppose someone has to be, don’t they?”

 


	6. It's Alarming Honestly How Charming She Can Be

Over the three days that followed her promotion, Alice was given time to gather herself and heal. Her body had healed before the end of the first day she spent awake but the headache persisted well into the second full day. Deccus had chosen to work minimally in favor of spending an inordinate amount of time with the human.

On the second day of her short break before the training would begin, she had begun to pack up her meager belongings before she was meant to meet Deccus for a late lunch.

A knock disrupted her intense inspection of the remaining space in her duffle. She had a permanent locker on the Citadel for her things, no personal affects allowed with her during the training. She had to shove everything in one tiny square and, although it seemed difficult for many that went to ICT, Alice was having an easier time of it than even she had anticipated.

She turned to the doorway to see Kaidan standing there, leaning against the frame in a far more relaxed pose than she normally witnessed.

“Permission-”

“I swear to the Maker, Alenko, the next time that word comes out of your mouth we’ll be pitting our biotics against each other.” Although her words were a threat, it was clear from her demeanor and tone that she meant it mostly as a joke.

Kaidan coughed to cover his laugh. “Understood, Lieutenant.”

“Maker, Alenko. Call me Alice. Or at least Shepard. Rank or not, I’m not your CO.”

“Understood, Shepard.”

“Better,” Alice grinned, pushing her bag to the end of her bed and taking a seat beside it. “Did you need something?”

“I wasn’t sure if I’d get a chance to see you before you leave for training if I didn’t hunt you down. I wanted to congratulate you on everything and wish you luck.”

“Well…uh, thanks,” she shrugged a little and patted the bed beside her. Kaidan looked over his shoulder before he slowly moved into the room and gingerly sat beside her, although not close. “You know, I don’t have cooties.”

The sheer ridiculousness of the word that left her mouth had Kaidan laughing, a sound that Alice hadn’t heard all that much of. His low, smoky voice followed. “I just know that some people aren’t as…keen on your advancement as I am. I would hate to jeopardize anything for you with rumors of fraternization.”

“Demetrius and Juniper have sat on this bed with me before. In various stages of undress, I would like to add.” At the look that Kaidan wore, Alice laughed and continued, “Not for any particular reason, just…after showers and the like. Get that look off your face, Alenko.”

“They weren’t ever your superior officers.”

“I suppose that’s true. Well, if anyone wants to guess at how I got my position, I’d be very open to showing them on the training grounds,” Alice shrugged, nonchalantly inspecting her fingernails as if the thought bored her. “I didn’t have to sleep my way here. Although that would’ve been a lot more _fun.”_

Kaidan spluttered a little in response to what she said, causing her to grin.

“Calm down, there, soldier. You don’t think I’m made out of wood, do you?” Alice laughed as she pulled a shirt into her lap to fold it. “Assuming I push through this, I’m not sure where I’ll be going when the first round is over.”

“You have my contact,” Kaidan replied, a little hesitantly. “Although I’m shipping out soon too, headed out on the Hastings.”

“That’s a good posting. Congrats, Alenko. Just don’t get dead.”

Kaidan looked at her strangely for a moment and scoffed. “That’s a new one.”

“On Elysium, the owner of the restaurant I was in when it all went down…her name is Zersa. It’s what she kept telling me.”

“Well, it worked. So, thanks. You either, Shepard. Don’t get dead.”

Alice felt like he had something else to say but those were the last words he spoke. Standing stiffly, he moved back to the doorway and paused only long enough to salute her and offer just the edge of a smile before he turned his back to make his way into the hall.

On the morning of the fourth day, the day she was to ship out, Deccus was waiting for her when she emerged from the Alliance’s section of the Citadel. He had been leaning against the wall as unperturbed as anything, inspecting one talon-tipped hand. When the familiar red hair came bobbing out, he straightened a little and his mandibles flickered.

“Lieutenant,” he spoke and, to his great amusement, startled her. She was dressed in her uniform, hair pulled back in a low bun at the nape of her neck. Her nails had been scrubbed of their polish and the bruise that had been forming on the left side of her head appeared to have disappeared almost entirely.

“Deccus, what are you doing here?” she hesitated briefly and smiled. “I seem to be saying that a lot.”

“Holding up the wall, mostly. I came to see you off.”

Alice sucked air through her teeth and feigned concern. “People are going to talk, you know.”

“The thing about turians is that if they do talk, as you say, I’d already know about it.”

“How’s that?” Alice asked as they fell in-step beside each other, heading toward the docking bay. She had stored her bag on her way out. What she had on her was all she was allowed to take.

Deccus tapped the hard part of his chest, the crest below his carapace. Alice registered the low hum that she didn’t understand emanating from it. “Subharmonics, I think the humans call them. It’s fairly difficult to hide your opinion, if it’s strong enough.”

“I’ve heard some of them, but I don’t hear it all the time.”

“I doubt some of them are on your hearing register, honestly.”

“What’s it mean? The humming you’re doing now.”

Deccus tilted his head toward her and one mandible fluttered out in a smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know, Alice.”

“Rude,” she snorted, the sound dissolving into a laugh before long. They continued on, chatting idly about the expectations of the coming weeks for the both of them. Before they reached the outer doors that would separate them, Deccus gestured to an open spot on the wall and they shifted out of the way of traffic.

“I’ve got something for you,” he said, reaching fingers longer than her whole hand into a pocket on his tailored suit. He withdrew a chain, ending in a relatively unharmed bullet. “Your medal of honor, I think you said.”

Alice watched him with wide eyes as he held it out for her, letting the chain coil in the palm of her hand as he deposited it there. She genuinely couldn’t remember the last time someone had just given her something, either in celebration or for no reason at all.

“I checked the regs first. It counts as a personal item, but there’s a loophole for it. If you want it, that is.”

The clasp looked like some kind of torture device and Alice, who hadn’t said a word, held it out to him. “Turian jeweler?”

Deccus inspected the clasp and let out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a huff before he took it from her much-smaller hands. Alice turned her back to him as he draped it over her neck and redid the clasp. She reached her fingers down to press against the hollowed-out bullet, entirely innocuous but full of meaning.

The redhead turned around again, still holding onto the necklace as she looked up at him. “Thank you.” The words were simple, but even someone unfamiliar with human expressions could see how much more there was behind them. Pressing up onto her tiptoes, Alice curved her fingers on both hands around the edges of his carapace and dragged Deccus down to pull his forehead to hers.

The alien’s hands found the curve of the human’s waist and they stood for a moment, quiet amidst the bustle around them. Their hands released the other simultaneously and Deccus straightened his back. “Zersa insisted that I tell you ‘don’t get dead’.”

Alice grinned, feeling strange but wonderful. She gestured to her Omni-tool and nodded. “Apparently it needed verbalizing. She has also extended the year-supply of desserts into a lifetime. Looks like you’re going to be stuck playing delivery turian for a while.”

The flicker of his mandibles betrayed his amusement. “I think that’s a job I can handle. Oh, and Alice?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t go around head-butting just any old turian.”

“I didn’t-“

Deccus’ grin as he leaned down, mandible brushing against her cheek as he spoke, let her know she hadn’t messed up too badly. “It’s for my benefit, not for yours.”

Despite her years of learning how to lie, cover-up her emotions, and talk her way out of situations all Alice could manage in response was a soft, “Oh,” as the turian straightened once more and became suddenly very interested in smoothing down the edges of his suit jacket. “Don’t go fighting batarians without me, Deccus.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” After offering the turian equivalent of a wink, Deccus watched as she turned on her heel and made her way through the doors. The change in her demeanor after she tucked the bullet beneath her uniform struck him and he thought, perhaps, she’d survive it all.

The next two and a half months of Alice’s life were made easier, she thought, by her own personal view on training previously. As someone that had pushed herself further than the other members of her class, she was used to too little sleep and too much activity. As a biotic, she was given higher rations but no more sleep. It was difficult, especially with the nearly constant-headache that only ebbed on occasion. She had had respite from the afternoon of her second full day of recovery until the training started but the pain was causing her to have bouts of nausea.

One evening, a little less than halfway through training on an evening that they were given more than they requisite four hours for sleep with some modest down time after eating, Alice sat by herself on an overturned log and clasped her fingers around the bullet that had wiggled free from beneath her dirty shirt.

She looked forward to showering, that was for sure.

“I find it hard to believe that you’re _that_ Lieutenant Shepard,” one of the other N1 recruits spoke up from beside her, remaining standing. The woman was tall and thin, stick-straight with coarse dark hair and skin a deep, warm umber.

“Sorry to disappoint,” Alice shrugged, not about to take the bait for a fight. “Why don’t you take a seat and tell me what I can do to impress you, then, Gunnery Chief Griggs?”

The woman, who was older than Alice by more than four years from what she knew, looked down at the girl for what seemed like _hours_ before she huffed and sat. “You puke almost daily.”

“And you think that’s nerves, do you?” Alice’s tone was mostly curious, anything but combative.

“Well, yeah. And you don’t see me tossing my cookies.”

“No, that’s very true. But it isn’t. Nerves, I mean. How much do you know about what happened at Illyria?”

Bright eyes, despite the darkness of their hue, narrowed in suspicion at the other female. “Reports were about you single-handedly holding back the batarian assault.”

Alice sucked her teeth and frowned. “I don’t know how many times I can tell them, it wasn’t just me… but yeah, I did some stuff. The thing of it is, I pushed my biotics. More than that, I pushed my implant. The doctor on the Citadel that saw to me was damn surprised I didn’t fry the thing right out of my brain.” Alice waited to see if Griggs was going to comment and when she didn’t, the redhead continued. “I’ve had migraines almost every day since. I don’t think the lack of sleep is helping, but the pain’s been getting to me.”

“Huh,” was the response from her side. After a long pause, Griggs spoke up again. “What’s that, on the end of your necklace?”

“The bullet I took during the Blitz.”

“Really? Shit,” Griggs grinned, teeth bright in the darkness of the evening. “That’s pretty cool. They fished it out and you put it on a chain?”

“They did fish it out, but it wasn’t my idea. A friend of mine gave it to me before I left for this.”

“A _friend,_ huh?”

Alice smirked slightly at the inference the other woman had made. “Yeah. A _friend._ You got any _friends_ back home, Griggs?”

“One or two,” the other woman smiled wide. “You know, you’re not so bad, Shepard. Sorry about the headaches and shit.”

Alice waved her off a little but still wore a smile. “You’re not so bad yourself. And they’ll go away eventually, or I’ll just learn to live with them. Wouldn’t take it back, even if I could.”

“That right?”

“That’s right, soldier. I got a lifetime supply of desserts out of the deal.”

“Oh, what kind? I’ve got one helluva sweet tooth.”

“Don’t think you’d much care for them, unless you eat dextro on the sly.”

Griggs looked at her for a long moment, as if trying to gauge the truth of the implication. “How’d you manage that one?”

“Trained myself into it, mostly. There’s a lot of good shit we don’t eat because we don’t try it. I thought, what the hell? Worst case scenario, it doesn’t work and I get sick when I eat it. Turns out, it made me sick for about a week. Now I can eat the best the whole universe has to offer. But, I did take an allergy test first. Because dying wasn’t _really_ on my agenda.”

“Where’d you say you’re from, Shepard?”

“I didn’t,” Alice replied with a grin, tucking her necklace back below the line of her shirt. After rubbing her hands on the legs of her pants as if to wipe away the memories, she stood and stretched. “Not important, though. Nothing for me there anymore. My future lies in the stars.”

Griggs was silent for a beat before she snorted and then started laughing, fairly loudly. She slapped her leg before she jumped to standing. “You really just said that, didn’t you?”

Alice didn’t try to hide her broad grin, eyebrows lifted a little. “Yup.”

“You are **the** _corniest_ motherfucker, Shepard.”

“I pride myself on such things,” came the reply as the redhead slid her hands into the pockets of her pants. “Come on, we better hit the hay or it’ll be time to go before we manage to get any kind of sleep.”

Eight weeks and six days after Alice left Deccus outside the doors to the docking bay, she received a ping on her Omni-tool.

Training had ended that morning and she was preparing herself and her things for shipping out, the few things she _had_ that was. She sat on the edge of her bedroll and brought up the interface.

_Get a ship to Ilium. Meet me in the docking area for Nos Astra. Bring your dancing shoes. –Deccus_

Alice slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the laughter, a loud snort of surprised humor breaking free. 

**I only have one pair of shoes and they are _not_ made for dancing. –A**

For the first time in two months, she checked her messages. She had replied immediately to the ping from Deccus, but there were others. Words of encouragement from Juniper and Demetrius, a life updated from Kaidan, and a slew of up-coming recipes amidst updates from Zersa. Before she had time to reply to any of them, she received a message back.

 _Then bring your dancing_ feet. _You’re not getting out of this.-D_

**Feisty turian. –A**

_And you’re the one arguing with him. Crazy human. –D_

And, for the first time in two months, Alice went to sleep with a smile on her face.

She couldn’t sleep for eight hours anymore. She was lucky to get the five she did, her body struggling to stay down for more than the four she had grown accustomed to over time. She had booked her passage off-planet to Nos Astra, despite the strange look the request garnered from the travel agent. It was a common tourist destination, although not necessarily for someone on active duty. Two of the eight members of her training class hadn’t made it into the second month and another had dropped out just two weeks shy of completion. That left Griggs, a lieutenant by the name of Hugh, an operations chief that said to call him ‘Happy’, and Alice. They would all see each other again in a week for the next round and she wasn’t sorry for it – although she didn’t particularly get along with Hugh, and Happy was anything _but_ she enjoyed the easy comradery she had found with Griggs.

She was, however, not sorry to see Vila Militar and Rio de Janeiro disappear beneath her as she rocketed into the stratosphere.

The trip was longer than she would’ve liked, but not so long that she arrived much passed the morning. Her stomach was ready for lunch and she was ready for a shower, but it hardly mattered when she walked through the docking bay doors and saw Deccus waiting for her.

The trilling purr of his subharmonics drew the attention of more than one set of turian eyes when he found her, the sound growing to a gentle roar when she crossed the distance between them. She craned her neck back to look up at him, her Shepard-only smile quirking one edge of her lips.

“Crazy human, reporting for duty,” she grinned, mocking a salute.

“Don’t you mean  _dancing_ ,” he corrected with an amused flick of his mandible.

Alice looked different too him, although he would hesitate to say 'aged'. Her face was more angular and her body tighter, things he could tell all by the way she moved to greet him. 

He considered for a long moment before he reached a hand out and settled the palm of it against the curve of her waist, disguised by the gray and black N1 sweatshirt she had been gifted at the completion of the training. Alice's face seemed to light up just a little at the touch, enough to make him feel as though he was on the right path at least. 

"This is all I have with me," she frowned a little, lifting the small bag that held her uniform, her N1 medal, and the change of clothes she had been afforded upon arrival.

"There are these magical places here," Deccus started, shifting towards the walkway that would lead them out into the city. He moved to her side and didn't relinquish what hold he had on her. She did her best to keep in stride with his much-longer legs as to avoid losing his soft touch on her side. "...they're called stores."

"How much do turian enlisted make?" Alice snorted softly, catching the glance of a turian. Apparently, Deccus had heard it too because Alice felt more than heard the rumble from his chest. She didn't even try to hide the smile.

"Fair point," Deccus replied with unnecessary force, mandibles close to his jawline as he cocked his head towards her but kept his eyes keenly on the approaching male.

"Deccus, is that you? Haven't seen you in this part of space in a while."

Deccus, who was actually scratching seven foot, was a few inches taller than the dark brown turian that had approached them. 

"Triffuk," Alice's companion nodded his head in greeting. She noted that he didn't offer out his arm in the way she had seen others. "It has been a long time."

"Who is this little thing?" Triffuk asked, a hand lifted to gesture at the human.

The sound that emanated from Deccus' chest was a deep rumble, paired with a slightly firmer grasp on her side. If Triffuk's facial expression hadn't betrayed some level of concerned surprise, Alice probably could have guessed what that noise meant.

"First Lieutenant Shepard of the Alliance," Alice answered for Deccus. Triffuk barely glanced at her.

Deccus' growl grew louder and the dismissal. The sounds that erupted from his throat were no longer in English; Alice knew by then that when a turian in her vicinity began using what amounted to clicks and vague screech-like sounds, she wasn’t meant to understand. She would have to ask Deccus how they managed to bypass the translator in her Omni-tool without even so much as a by-your-leave.

When all was said and done, whatever it was that _was_ said, Triffuk passed them by without a second look to Alice and Deccus nudged the human gently forward. She welcomed the direction and let him lead her further into Nos Astra.

“There is a shop just outside the entrance to Eternity that should be able to provide the appropriate services,” he spoke after a brief moment of silence between them.

Alice briefly considered asking him who Triffuk was to him, what had happened between the two turians, what his growling sound meant, and what the hell the Eternity was. All of the questions bubbled up in her mind and nearly spilled from her mouth but she managed to keep it in check. Instead, however, she reached her hand out and mirrored his hold on her. The shiver she felt through her fingertips made her smile and she tucked away the information for future use as they closed some distance between their bodies. His longer arm reached behind her to her opposite side, her arm curved across the plates and bones that made up his hips. Her much smaller hand pressed warmly against the fabric of his turian-tailored suit.

“How much do you know about turian anatomy?” Deccus asked quietly from his superior height, the words making their way into the ears of a smiling human.

“Can’t say I know much. But I do know you haven’t let go of my waist since I approached you. I thought it was a safe bet that you wouldn’t mind the same.”

“Careful, Alice. Someone might think you actually _like_ me,” the older male let his mandibles flare out in amusement at the reference to a long-passed conversation. “Now, tell me all about the horrors of this Interplanetary Combatives Training. The extranet is fairly hush-hush about it.”

As they made their way through the crowds, not bothering to separate to make the travel easier, Alice began to regale him with the tales of the last nine weeks they had spent apart.


	7. Every Now and Then the Stars Align

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to abandon posting this on tumblr because I am the laziest. Anyhoo.
> 
> Yay Pretty Woman trope! Yay fancy!Shep. Yay awkward conversations! Yay weird inter-speciaes liasons! 
> 
> Okay, done. May or may not get another one up today, dunno yet.

Alice had spent some of her limited downtime considering the shift in Deccus from the angry patron she had met to the gift-giving gentleman whose arm remained slung around her waist until they entered Somnium, the store he had mentioned. She liked to know whatever it was she could, but she also figured asking him directly _why_ had had attached himself to her wasn’t going to win her any favors.

Additionally, she was rather worried it was like a bubble that would pop if she pointed it out. She didn’t know much about turians, although she was slowly beginning to learn more and more; she did know, though, that _most_ alien races weren’t particularly excited about humans generally. More than that, a lot of turians seemed to hold the First Contact War against their fleshier counterparts – a rule broken in ignorance is still a broken rule, or at least that seemed to be the overarching consensus amongst turians.

But she liked his company; his wit, his sarcasm, his knowledge. The lines he made in his dark suits, so different from the shape of a human man, had wriggled their way into her mind and taken up residence somewhere between ‘appreciation’ and ‘lust’. She knew he was more than twice her age, either her _actual_ or _recorded_ age, and despite their height differences she didn’t often feel like a child around him. He had a condescending way of getting his point across, although she had only seen it twice in their brief time together, that made her wrinkle her nose – but she had a tendency to skirt his questions that made him growl low in his throat.

“What _kind_ of dancing?” Alice asked as she scanned the stock of shoes that had been immediately uploaded to her Omni-tool the moment they entered through the door. She flicked her finger over the incorporeal images, feeling redness in her ears. She couldn’t really dance, at least not any proper way.

Deccus made a noise akin to Alice’s teeth-sucking, almost a ‘tsk’ as he reached over her shoulder and tapped twice with one long finger in a picture of tall black heels. “Can you walk in those?”

Alice, who had worn a pair of heels only twice in her life and one of those times was dress-up at a foster family, made a face as she turned her head to look at him. If it wasn’t half of a challenge, she likely wouldn’t have even thought of it as a possibility. But one thing Alice couldn’t do, no matter how hard she tried, was step away from a challenge – especially, it seemed, when it came from the tall gray turian leaning over her shoulder.

“I will dance circles around you in them,” she muttered, pressing the ‘try on’ button on the screen that would have one of the sales girls bringing over the pair in no time. She shifted the purchasing screen to locate an outfit that was more appropriate for the evening and skimmed passed the dresses in favor of a top-and-pant ensemble. A low rumble from behind her as her fingers trailed over a dress that seemed to have more cut-outs than fabric, particularly in the midsection, made Alice pause.

The deep red wasn’t a color she would normally choose for herself, too afraid that it would clash with her hair – when she managed to care about matching much at all – but she noticed that it was well in-line with the markings on Deccus’ face.

Upon closer inspection, Alice realized that the dress was actually fairly modest by human standards. Of asari make, it would likely fit her well – her amusement derived predominately from the description, which confirmed her suspicions.

_Drive your turian lover wild with just enough exposure to hint at something more. If that’s not enough to spur them on, the sweeping cut will certainly draw the attention of any other potentially interested party._

The halter straps that led the dress behind the neck would leave the shoulder bare, and the sweetheart neckline (a phrase Alice knew only from looking at the listing) would give both her dog tags and her gifted necklace a comfortable place to rest. It was tight to the hips, flaring just a little and flowy despite its short length. The part that amused her the most, however, were the large triangular swatches of blue displayed on the asari model’s sides, leaving only small points of contact between the top and bottom pieces in both the back and the front.

It was a fair sight more expensive than what she had _intended_ to spend, but with her rank change had come a small boost to her pay. Aside from food and travel, she spent very little on a regular basis and would be spending even less during her ICT excursions. Sure, she had to find a room for the next six nights but she didn’t think one little splurge would do her any real harm.

Alice realized she had no idea what size she would need and so pressed the ‘help’ button. A particularly lovely asari, who looked to be young, fluttered into their space with the shoes in one hand a measure tape draped over her shoulder.

Her smile was warm and friendly as she handed the shoes to Deccus, eyes on Alice the whole time. “Oh, this dress will be lovely for you. If you don’t mind coming with me, I will get you measured right up. It will fit you like a _dream_.”

Deccus, who was familiar with the language that permeated Illium, laughed under his breath at the reference to the name of the store. Alice, who was decidedly less familiar, gave him a strange look before she dropped her bag at his feet and padded behind the asari towards the fitting stage.

She genuinely hadn’t looked in a mirror for almost as long as she hadn’t seen Deccus and was surprised by what she saw when face with what equated to a 360 degree view of herself. The skin in the hollows beneath her eyes was purpled with semi-permanent lack of sleep and she pulled a face as she touched it tenderly.

“If you would like, I have a sister that could meet us here with all of the best in human make-up. Won’t be but a half an hour and we’ll have you looking like a star.”

Alice shifted her gaze to the blue-hued woman as she curved around her body, taking measurements of every feasible part of her and some that surprised the human. Alice glanced over her shoulder in the direction of Deccus, who had taken to his Omni-tool in her absence. She could count on one hand the number of times she had worn make-up in her life but it did seem like a massive waste of the dress not to gussy up a _little_. She still wasn’t entirely sure what he had planned; although with the music pumping out of the club next door, she had an idea.

“Okay,” Alice decided, nodding a little. “Let me go tell my friend while you contact your sister, then.”

“Lovely!” the asari exclaimed, holding her hands together in front of her in delight. They both moved back into the shop, Alice stopping just short of Deccus. “It’s going to take us about a half an hour to make any sense of my measurements and the contraption I’ll be wearing,” Alice pulled a face with laughter in her eyes. The turian seemed surprised but understanding. “I saw a bench not too far outside here, would you like to meet there?”

Deccus nodded and lifted her bag with the finger on one hand; it wasn’t heavy, but the movement still surprised her. He offered her the box of shoes but didn’t turn to leave when Alice moved back to the fitting stage. While she waited for the shopkeeper to return, whose name was Lisistra, she settled in to try on the heels. She wobbled, thankful that she was hidden from prying eyes by the mirrors around her, and began to pace on the short stage to grow accustomed to the new height.

When Lisistra returned, she brought with her a garment bag slung over one arm and a taller asari whom she introduced as Noyrishi, her sister. The other asari carried with her a large case that resembled an old toolkit – at least to Alice.

After the sisters helped Alice into the dress, darkening the mirrors with the flick of a switch so that the human couldn’t watch her own transformation, they settled her into a chair and set to work.

Alice was surprised, all said and done, that it truly only took a half an hour. She declined looking in the mirror and Lisistra offered her a tip or two for walking in the shoes on which she still was finding her land legs.

“How much?” Alice asked, looking from one sister to the other and back.

The asari looked at each other for a moment before both turning back to the human. They smiled in sync, and despite their differences in height it was clearly evident that they were sisters in some form.

“Your friend paid, prior to leaving. He made us promise not to tell until you were finished.”

Alice rolled her eyes a little and felt heat rise in her cheeks. It wasn’t that she was unappreciative, just entirely unused to the sort of kindness that Deccus had been bestowing on her during their relatively short acquaintance. “Well, thank you, both of you, for your help.”

“It has been our pleasure, Lieutenant Shepard.”

“Alice,” the redhead corrected, offering a small wave. She carried what she had been wearing out in a bag with the shop’s name in elegant writing on the side, to be paired with her other things in the bag that Deccus had taken with him.

She exited Somnium and hesitated briefly before her eyes alighted on Deccus. Still not entirely confident in her ability to read the male of the other species, she was pretty certain at least half of his response was surprise.

The low purr emanating from him was not unlike the sound she had heard upon first seeing him again, although there was a different tone backing it. He stood as she approached, straightening his jacket in a move that on anyone else would have looked nervous.

“I had fairly limited experience with humans in situations such as this,” he began and Alice saw his eyes flicker from her hair to her toes, hesitating on her torso, and back up again. “…but I do believe the word is _striking_.”

She had been debating whether or not to call him out on his decadent spending on her but she found herself caring less and less about the extravagance the longer he looked at her. She blushed again, although this time it had less to do with embarrassment and more to do with the thoughts that had taken residence in her mind.

“ _Fairly limited_?” Alice intoned, feeling exposed and out of her element but thrilled because of the newness of it. “The implications of that mean that you have _some_. Who do I have to shoot?”

Deccus’ head dropped back a little and he let out a low, deep laugh that brought a grin to Alice’s features. “No one you have to worry about,” he assured her when his humor had subsided enough to speak again.

“I have a question,” Alice said as Deccus took the shop’s bag from her to carry both.

“I may have an answer,” he replied with what equated to a sly smile. Alice looked skyward briefly as if entirely fed-up with his nonsense, regardless of the grin that still sat firmly on her painted lips.

“I have a few, actually. Do you know where the nearest, reasonably priced hotel is? Also, what are we doing? And…well, never mind the last one.”

“There’s no such thing as ‘reasonable’ on Illium. But I rather anticipated you needing a room. If you are amenable to it, I’ve booked a suite of adjoining rooms at the hotel here at the Eternity.”

A strange feeling settled in Alice's stomach and she ignored the fact that he didn’t answer her second question. He had been leading her towards a bank of elevators, withdrawing a slim key from his pocket. In her experience, rooms that required keys to get to in the elevator were far more lavish than anywhere she had slept. “ _Why_?”

“Why what, exactly?” he asked, gesturing for her once the elevator had been called. She hesitated briefly before stepping into the glass box, the grin having faded from her face.

“Why are you doing all of this? The first thing you said _about_ me was questioning my ability to make decisions. I wasn’t going to ask, I wasn’t going to point out that you seem to have turned around completely on your opinion of humans. I wasn’t going to point out that-”

“Alice,” Deccus spoke slowly, simply. He had her not-quite-trapped against the wall of the elevator facing him, one large hand pressed to the glass above her head. “I have lived a simple life for a long, _long_ time. I have much to give and few to give it to. You risked your life, over and over again, for a colony of people you never met but still put _us_ first. Our cultures are different enough that I am entirely unsure of what sort of expectations you might have, what is an _appropriate_ manner by which to express my…affection for you. The vids I watched suggested these types of displays of wealth would be _appreciated_.” The last thing he said was equal parts longsuffering and amused. None of his words made her feel as though she was wrong or scared, although it did give her an entirely new understanding of the dynamic of their relationship.

She had been curious, of course, what his _affection_ entailed. They had spent such a limited time together but when you shed blood with someone and trust them to have your back; it creates a sort of bond regardless of other feelings. His continued presence at her side for both her conscious and unconscious days prior to leaving for N1 training had endeared him to her fairly quickly. 

“I _do_ appreciate them,” she breathed, tilting her head back against the glass and looking up at him as he curved down over her. “But there are circumstances in human culture, and probably others as well, where the wealthy party will…ehm….” Alice stopped and huffed a little, a nervous laugh lacing the words that followed. “I am not a prostitute, Deccus. _Now_ I don’t think you think I am, but that was…that’s why I can’t seem to shut up about anything, because I needed to know you _didn’t_ think that.”

He snorted slightly before leaning down, resting his forehead against hers despite the angle it put him at. He was quiet for a long time, her bags dropped to the floor and his hands finding the smoothness of her exposed sides. The low hum that resounded from his chest, reverberated through Alice’s bones. Alice closed her eyes and found the edges of his carapace with her fingers, holding him gently in place for a long moment before she felt him start to move away.

Their hands remained where they were and when Deccus spoke, it was in a low and even tone. “If you were, I wouldn’t have gotten _two_ rooms.”

The deadpan way in which he spoke caught Alice off guard and she didn’t immediately register what he said. When it dawned on her and she shifted her hand to slap his chest, he was already laughing.

He showed her to the bank of rooms and handed over the key to hers, explaining that the door that adjoined them had to be unlocked from both sides to open. His side would, he said, remain unlocked and it was entirely her decision what happened with hers. She considered it for a long moment and didn’t tell him one way or the other, but she did unlock it after taking care of her bags. She needed to get a few more odds and ends, but she had no desire to do so that afternoon or evening.

Finally faced with solitude and a mirror, Alice inspected the handiwork of the asari sisters and she was not disappointed in the least. Surprised, certainly, but pleasantly so. They had managed to keep her freckles while smoothing out her skin from the exhaustion, making her look more her age than she had in a few months. The cut of the dress showcased more of her figure than she had had the desire to do so in some time, but she would have been lying if she said she didn’t approve. Her minimal practice in heels was paying off and despite the shift it caused in her posture, she wasn’t feeling the negative effects of them quite then. Her hair was mussed from their interaction earlier and she did her best to adjust it back to the semi-coiffed state it had been in. At her behest, they had left it mostly down – she got to wear it down so rarely, she was happy for the opportunity. She had no purse but had no real need for one, her credits being accessible through her Omni-tool – although she had the distinct suspicion Deccus would be treating her to the point of absurdity.

Sometime later, after the pair of them had found their way down to the lounge to eat their fill and shifted to the bar to begin their first round of drinking for the evening, they were settled across from each other at a small table.

“This is the first time I’ve drank in a bar,” Alice offered, lifting her glass to inspect the liquid, colored similarly to Lisistra whom she had met earlier that day.

“Really?” Deccus intoned, surprised but only a little.

“I was too young while I was on Earth, according to the laws. Not entirely sure what the laws are on the Citadel. Even on my breaks, it wasn’t something that interested me all that much. Are there drinking laws on Palaven?”

They had discussed, during their three-day respite prior to her leaving for training, some more of the details of their lives before meeting each other – one such detail had been which planet Deccus had come from. He shook his head a little. “Not as such, no.”

“How would they feel about a human visitor?”

Deccus raised an eyebrow plate and watched her with curiosity flickering his mandibles. “Depends on which part you go to, and under what pretenses. But the radiation there wouldn’t do you any favors. You’d have to wear a suit while outside.”

Alice shrugged a little. “Not impossible. I just think it’s kind of funny how we can be from two very different places that neither of us has visited. The universe is a very big place.”

"I have been to Earth," Deccus spoke the words slowly, as if to ensure that they were not misunderstood.

Alice looked at him as if he has commented on the weather, although a little surprised. "Oh? Whereabouts? You don't hear much about turians travelling to-" she stopped when the reality of what his words meant dawned on her.  "Oh."

"You deserve to know," he continued, pale eyes flicking to her face. "I was at Shanxi."

"How many?" she asked, even tone like she wasn't asking what she was.

"Do you really want to know?" For his part, Deccus seemed apologetic for what he had done in the war some twenty years before.

"You were going to tell me anyway," Alice shrugged.

"Seven."

Alice whistled lowly at the revelation. "Well, at least you got better before Elysium."

Deccus blanched at that, his tone increduous and lined with the deep rumble of his subharmonics. "How are you so calm? I just told you I've killed seven humans."

"And I killed more batarians than I care to count during the Blitz. I'm sure I'll kill more people, regardless of race, before I meet the Maker. You can't live this long, doing what I do and you did, without having some blood on your hands."

"Are you saying that you don't care that I killed your kind?"

"I've been trying to tell you since we met that my 'kind' is whoever isn't trying to kill me. Since I wasn't born yet, you weren't doing me any harm."

Deccus chewed on that for a moment before her slip dawned on him. "What do you mean, you weren't born yet? How old are you?"

Alice hissed in frustration. She was glad they were alone but scanned the room just to be certain that no one was paying them any mind. She lowered her voice to just above a whisper, hoping against hope her secret remained so. "No one can know, Deccus. I don't know what would happen if word got out. You, and maybe three people on Earth if they're even still alive, know the truth. I lied, to get into the Alliance. I enlisted when I was sixteen, had fake papers saying I was eighteen." He remained silent, prompting her to continue. "I'm an orphan and I got sick of the restrictions. I wasn't even a person, not really. I still don't know if I even have a legitimate birth certificate. I was no one, until I made someone up."

Age to turians meant a different thing, especially considering their mandatory enlistment at fifteen - but that didn't mean that Deccus was entirely immune to the implications. "You were just eighteen on Elysium, then?"

She nodded a little and he could see the lines of tension in her. If she was a turian, he would have been able to hear the nervous trill of her subharmonics. Instead, he watched the muscles work in her jaw.

"So...your next birthday will be your nineteenth?"

Alice winced. "Not as far as anyone else knows."

"Spirits, Alice, I already thought you were young."

"This doesn't change anything, Deccus. I'm the same Alice now that I was ten minutes ago."

The male ran his hand down the front of his face in a decidedly human gesture before letting out a sigh. "...any more life-altering secrets we can think of?"

Alice laughed, albeit quietly, and was glad for the shift in his tone. She leaned forward, closer to him across the table. "Now that you mention it...I've been wondering just how one might kiss a turian."


	8. You're So Art Deco, Out On the Floor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the kudos and comments, as well as those just following along.
> 
> This chapter has some suggestive language although it's pretty tame. The next chapter (and probably the one after that) will get progressively naughtier. I'll make note of it if it gets explicit, not sure yet.
> 
> I'm not certain yet, but I may break this whole plot up into three or more shorter stories. For now, though, enjoy!

Alice determined that there was little more awkward in her experience than explaining what a 'kiss' was. In fact, the actual movement that occurred with Alice half on the table, one hand propping her up and the other curved over a ridge of his carapace, wasn't too bad.

His head was larger than hers, as was just about everything about him. His mouth, as he didn't truly have lips, opened wider than she could from what she had seen. His mandibles fluttered against her cheeks when she drew close, pressing her lips over the triangle that was created by the overlap of his upper jaw on his lower.

"Squishy human," Deccus commented as she pulled back to settle into her chair again.

"I've added to your markings," she laughed a little, gesturing with her drink to his face. He raised an eyebrow plate and she just laughed more. "So what do they mean? The markings other than mine, I mean."

"They denote my clan," he replied, drinking his dextro cocktail but careful not to smudge the lipstick print she had left behind.

"Is the red for a specific reason, or just because it looks nice?"

"Nice?" He repeated, amused.

"Handsome? I don't know, it suits you though."

"It's related to the location our clans are from initially. And...thank you."

"I'm not really sure what the culturally appropriate way to tell you that you're attractive is," Alice confessed, cheeks pinkening more from her feeling of silliness than from her drink.

"I find myself with a similar problem. Shall we agree to simply state what it is we personally find pleasant, rather than attempting to convert it into the other's culture?"

Alice considered what he said for a moment before nodding. She flicked her eyes over his face and smiled again when she saw her lipstick there. "You are entirely unexpected."

A low trilling sound layered over the deep hum he had been emitting for the better part of the day and he smiled at her. "I find myself thinking the same of you. Your hair reminds me of home."

Alice was struck by the words; she wasn't certain if it was a trick of the translator or if Deccus was really that poetic. Either way, it made her heart thrum in her chest. "You make me feel...big. Significant. Powerful. Which, I suppose, might be strange considering I look even more like a child standing next to you."

Her words appeared to have a similar affect on him, although he didn't let his consideration of them last as long. "You are quite tiny."

"Fun-sized," she replied with a grin.

"I could lift you with one hand."

"No!" Alice laughed, shaking her head vehemently. "You couldn't. That's impossible. I'm not that small."

"Is that a challenge, Alice?"

She considered his words for a moment before a mischievous grin curled the edges of her lips upwards. "It's a bet. If you can't, we forget the whole dancing nonsense and just drink until our faces go numb."

"When I win?" Deccus asked, and Alice didn't miss his phrasing.

 _"If_ you manage to defy physics, then I'll dance to whatever you want, whenever you want, as long as you want, for the remainder of this leave."

"You really doubt me that much? You are going to regret that, I think. Especially considering how much you seem to hate the idea of dancing."

"Okay, okay. When I win, you also have to explain to me the waist thing."

"What do you mean?"

Alice rolled her eyes and gestured to one side of her exposed mid-section. "I wish I could've recorded the look on your face when you saw this dress."

Deccus growled and, with a foot hooked in the leg of her chair, he jerked her around to his side of the table. He ran a talon delicately over the curve from her chest to her hip and could feel her shiver in response. "You have a very nice waist."

"Turian thing?" she managed to ask in a sort of croak, leaning into his touch. He shifted his hand and slid it between her back and the chair's, his long fingers curling around the opposite side of her on her bare skin.

"Partially," he admitted, fingers contracting a little against her. She could feel the points of his talons indenting her flesh but noted that he stopped short from where he had when they had exchanged their first greeting. "But I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a remotely interested party disagree with me."

Alice replied the only way she knew how; she laughed, although it was the quiet, almost-nervous kind that comes from hearing an unexpected compliment. "The lines of you," she offered with no extra explanation.

"I don't know what you mean," he spoke, head cocked to the side before he took a drink.

She mirrored his movement as she considered how to explain. "I don't really know how to describe it. Just...your shape? Your height? The length of your limbs?"

He hummed appreciatively in response, thumb stroking against her skin. "You would've made an excellent turian, height notwithstanding."

Alice laughed, leaning closer to him in their chairs, before she downed the rest of her drink. "All right, Mr. Big Bad Turian. Time to put your...dancing where your strength is, or something like that."

"Just here, in the middle of the bar?" he asked, amused as he watched her push her chair back. His hand slid away from her and they were both sorry for the loss of contact, even as she stood. With her hands on her hips, she waited for him to join her on his feet.

It wasn't a fair bet and he knew it; he had already bodily lifted her with one arm when she had been unconscious on Elysium. He considered the ways he might lift her, there in the relative opennes of the bar floor. He had, in his spare time during her absence, watched many a human vid. There were some involving turians but not many. He had known one or two of his kind, through the years, that had found themselves with an affinity for the tan-colored species but they were all much like Triffuk - and not anyone he considered close enough to pose any sort of question to.

One thing he had noticed, and something he had begun to guess at a long while before, was the secondary role of a human's backside. The primary role being entirely not something he needed to worry himself over, he had realized that additionally a human's ass was something that members of the appreciating sex might find attractive.

After a brief amount of consideration, Deccus bent down and curved his hand against her bottom. It was just over a handful for him, a thing that amused them both. With little ado, he proceeded to lift her from the floor and press her body close to his.

The sound Alice made was decidedly more feminine than any in recent memory. He lifted her to the spur on his hip and found himself amused as she curved her legs around him, locking around his waist as her hands held once more onto the ridges of his carapace.

"I think that's cheating," she spoke, somewhat breathlessly, even as he held her there. With his unused hand, he reached for his drink and polished it off before beginning to speak.

"I lifted you, with one hand, entirely off of the floor. I believe, my dear Lieutenant, that I have won our bet."

Alice huffed a little in mock-frustration as she unwound her legs and he helped her find her feet again. "I still say you cheated."

"How?"

She shrugged, crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't know, but...that's just not _possible."_

"It would appear," he began, leaning a bit closer as he curved a hand along her waist again, "it _is_ possible. Now. Would you honor me with this next dance?"

"I should probably warn you," she started as he led her to the section of the floor cordoned off for such activities, "that I have absolutely no idea how to dance."

"I'm a patient teacher," he replied, breath ruffling a piece of her hair as he bent to speak closer to her ear. "Besides, we have a whole week, if I remember correctly."

Alice groaned as they found an open space, speaking as he placed her hands and then his. "You know...I would have danced with you anyway."

Deccus laughed, the hand on her waist pulling her closer as his much-larger holding one of hers. Her other hand was pressed low on his back, arm wound beneath his.

"Typically, your arm would start over my shoulder," he commented, leading her in a few steps. "But you are the shortest human being."

"I disagree," she replied, huffing a laugh as she looked down at her feet.

"Eyes up, Alice. Don't think about it so hard. You won't hurt me if you step on me. Just feel."

The redhead held her breath for a moment before she relaxed into the movements. She wasn't graceful or even very good, but she managed to step on the floor more than his feet.

Three songs of dance-walking and her legs were all but screaming. She wouldn't admit it but apparently Deccus was either better at reading her or also tired, because he led her from the floor with a hand still on her waist.

"What did you say earlier? We should drink until we can't feel our faces? Is that a common thing for humans?"

Alice managed a small laugh as they moved to the bar, nestled against his side. They had been getting the occasional look since she had arrived, although it was a safe bet that the looks were far fewer there than anywhere else.

Deccus ordered their drinks, looking at Alice to confirm the order he had suggested before finalizing it. He didn't relinquish his hold on her for anything. In another situation, it might have frustrated her - but with the red of her kiss still claiming his lips, she found she appreciated it.

Drinks in hand, they made their way back to the table they had vacated. They were happy to find it cleared but still reserved for the two of them. Deccus held her chair out for her after pulling it around to beside the other, his hand resuming its position on her side once they had settled.

"Even though I lost, will you still tell me about the waist thing?" the human asked, sipping on her drink as she relaxed against his arm and the chair behind it.

"It's one of the softest parts of a turian's hide," he replied, deciding he would humor her. Besides, the information might be helpful at a later date. "There are only a few places that have much sensation without...ehem coaxing."

Alice had the good sense to blush at his phrase, eyes averted as she focused on the straw in her drink. "Where are the others?" she asked quietly.

He took her hand and she watched as he lifted it, pressing it softly against the place below his long crest, behind the highest part of his carapce at the back of his neck. He purred as she pressed her fingers gently against the much-softer skin there. When his hand moved away, hers did not.

He cleared his throat before continuing, there was a different timbre to his speech. "Those are the two most...sensitive places. Joints and seams between plates as well, but they're smaller areas."

Alice wiggled the fingers on the hand that held her drink, "Smaller fingers. Good for smaller areas."

The look Deccus gave her could only be described as smoldering. The implacations passing between the two of them were all but impossible to miss and his hand kneaded her waist as her fingers kneaded the softer skin at thr back of his neck. The hands that were not busy on the other person held their drinks and they sipped in charged silence for several minutes.

When Deccus spoke again, he cleared his throat first. Even if it didn't appear that Alice was able to pick up more of the subharmonics than some, the rumbling coming from his chest would have been all but impossible to miss. "...what about humans, Alice?"

She had been preparing for that question, lying in wait for him to ask it. She leaned closer to him, letting her lips brush over the harder plate that reminded her of auricular feathers. "Oh, we have so many, Deccus. Why don't I _just...show_ you?"

The hand against her side flattened as he forced her closer, half lifting her from her chair. She had, fortunately, just set down her drink as the hand that had been holding it flew to grasp at the front of him.

"One particularly good thing about humans," Deccus growled low against the crown of her head, "...you're so very _pliable."_

If they had been anywhere but Illium, Alice probably wouldn't have even thought to dare to do what she did next. The only appropriate way to describe the move is to say she abaolutely slithered from her chair into his lap. Although his torso was longer than hers, most of his height came from his legs and this position left them on a slightly more even playing field. Her hands on his chest, she trailed one up and dared to trace the line on his nearest mandible.

He fluttered it out against the pressure she provided, her skirt bunched between them and riding higher on her legs. "I think we may have reached the point in the evening where it would be most advisable for us to make use of that suite of yours."

Deccus and Alice left their unfinished drinks on the table as the former looped an arm beneath her and stood, the human grasping for a hold against the turian's ridged neckline. Her stomach fluttered as he carried her with one arm, legs resting atop the spurs on his hips, as though she was weightless.

Once inside the elevator, Alice took to seeing how many more markings if dark lipstick she could manage to press against his available hide. In a particular moment of curiosity, she darted her tongue out to trace the clan line on his mandible.

In a blur of movement, Deccus spun them about and trapped her between himself and the wall of the elevator. The impact surprised her more than it hurt and it led her to believe that there was a particular theme in turian lovemaking that she found herself quite happy to explore.

When the elevator halted at their floor, Deccus had busied himself by bending his neck to test the mettle of the sinews along her neck. His mouth, the part that covered his teeth but were not traditional human lips, nipped along the curve she exposed after he had brushed aside the delicate strands of her hair. The noises she made, although mostly unfamiliar to him, were something otherworldly. He decided it would be his goal to hear as much of them as possible in whatever time she gave him.

With little difficulty, he moved them from the enclosed cage of the elevator into the openness of his room. It was much different from her own by design, meant for a turian. Although the other half fit her, it had been designed for an asari more than a human. To her benefit, the similarities were at least abundant in the manner of physical size and needs.

The bed was, in essence, a bowl full of pillows but Deccus seemed less interested in the bed and more interested in testing how much attention was too much.

For her part, Alice had taken to finding as much of hus softer skin as she could find outside of the confines of his suit. He hissed as she found a particularly sweet spot below his crest and pulled his head back to look at her face.

He was not so familiar with humans so that he would understand the differences in her appearance for what they meant, but he could easily guess. The rapid breathing, racing heartbeat, flushed cheeks, swollen lips, and blown-out pupils meant little to him individually. He recognized that this, coupled with a musky-sweet smell subtly drifting from her that he could absolutely taste in the air around them, meant that she was rather enjoying herself.

Alice's eyes widened and he felt her leg spasm against his more sensitive waist before her grip above his hips failed and she began to slip. He caught her easily, immediately worried that he had done something incredibly wrong.

 **"Cramp,"** she hissed a breath as he helped her onto the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain clenching along her thigh, hands scrabbling to relieve the pain.

"Let me," he offered, brushing her hands away to use his superior strength to ease the tension. She let out a yelp as he pressed harder, causing him to pause.

"Ahh, fuck, no. Keep doing it. It hurts like a bitch, but I think it's helping."

At her behest, he resumed pressing his long fingers along her muscled thigh. The noises she made made him wince, eyes flickering to watch her jaw and fists clench. It was worse than the bullet, or at least it appeared so.

"Maker, that is a _bitch,"_ she huffed through a tight jaw, opening her eyes. Deccus continued to work his hands against her leg even as she flexed her foot and toes. "But you're very good at that."

"You're so soft," he replied, shifting one of his hands further down her leg while the other continued to tend to her cramping muscle.

"And squishy," she replied with bemusement. She settled back onto the pillows, closing her eyes. "Mmm...I think I've found a new career for you, Deccus."

"Personal masseuse to Lieutenant Shepard?" He replied in a low voice, fingers exploring the differences of the structure of her legs. He trailed her muscles, circled her knee. He shifted to her feet, daintily removing the shoe that was the cause of her cramp. When he pressed the pad of his thumb into the arch of her foot, the moan that left her lips reminded him pleasantly of the sounds she had made before.

"...that's better than what I was thinking. I think I'll keep you around."

"Pretty sure that can be arranged, Alice."

They fell into a companionable silence as he learned the musculature, the build of her from thigh to toes and back up the other leg. By the time he reached her other thigh and looked up to see the blissfully relaxed look on her face, he realized her breathing had slowed.

She had fallen asleep.

Deccus smiled to himself, adjusting her so that she might be a little more comfortable but careful not to wake her. He took to the restroom to change into a pair of his pajama pants, in the event that she were to wake and see him mid-disrobe, before climbing gingerly into the bed beside her. He briefly considered attempting to rouse her or use the human-friendly bed in the other room but decided, with how close they had been until the ill-timed cramp, that she would likely not mind his company.

Shortly after settling into the concave bed, he found that his guess had been more accurate than not. Curling onto her side, Alice curved herself against him and pressed a kiss to his mandible.

"'Night, Deccus."

"....good night, Alice."


	9. Something So Strange, Hard to Define

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn't get into explicit detail this time around. Suggestive language, although I'm pretty sure I avoided any specific terminology. 
> 
> Thank you for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, and new readers! I'm glad you're enjoying this. Plodding along in a plot that keeps changing is better with friends. :)
> 
> I think this is a bit shorter than the last few and it's been written entirely on my phone, so it's possibly riddled with mistakes. I'll try to take a look back at it and the other chapters when I have a chance.

With turians in general needing less sleep and Alice unused to the ability to sleep for more than a few hours at a time, it surprised both of them to find that they awoke rather later than either would have normally on their own. Deccus was first to rouse and smiled without a word as he registered their state of closeness. His fingers had found their way beneath the twisted fabric of her bodice, the skirt of her dress askew as she had shifted to lay almost completely on top of him during her slumber.

Out of curiosity, he slid one hand from where it warmed her already heated skin and smoothed it over her tousled hairdo. 

Alice made a noise something like an 'mmmph' as she shifted her head in the space below his chin. "You're oddly comfortable," she mumbled against the side of his raised carapace, letting out a sigh as she slowly forced open her eyes. "I suppose I have to get up."

The low humming growl that emanated from his chest went straight through her as his hands held her tighter briefly. "I see no reason for such a thing. Humans make good blankets. Or at least, you do.”

"Twist my arm," she mumbled happily. Deccus craned his neck to investigate and let out a quiet huff.

"Was that… a request?"

Alice let out a peel of laughter and shifted into a sitting position astride his waist, hands flat against the bare plates of his chest. "No, silly turian. It's an idiom. It's like... _oh man, you're really making me do something I don't want to_."

"Humans are so strange," Deccus replied, his hands falling to her thighs. 

"And squishy and soft. We need an 's' word for 'pliable'."

Deccus appeared to be considering the phrase, although his hands were very much considering the shape of her thighs and his eyes were trailing the slightly smeared remains of her lipstick. 

"Supple," he supplied after a brief moment, eyes shifting from her face to the askew neckline. He relinquished his hold on one if her legs to pluck at the hollowed bullet with a talon. "Sentimental." Gently, he tugged on the necklace as his other hand shifted to her lower back, lightly pressing her forward. His tongue, which Alice had only glanced occasionally, flicked out to tease against the hollow at the base of her throat. She made a noise of surprise at the deceptively long, thin blue muscle laved her skin. When he had finished the brief gesture, he continued speaking. "Sweet." She bent lower and their foreheads met, both closing their eyes to appreciate the closeness. "Scintillating."

Alice's cheeks bloomed with color and her smile was impossible to dampen under the rain of compliments. She leaned up a little and pressed her lips to his forehead before sitting up again. "I really should get up and around, though. If I let myself relax too much, the transition back at the end of the week is going to be worse."

Deccus let out a quiet growl, despite the smiling position of his mandibles. "If you must, you must. Although I believe part of the spoils of the bet included you dancing wherever and whenever I requested."

Alice narrowed her eyes at him, folding her arms over her chest. "You may be correct."

"After you get around, I'd like to take you to breakfast. And then I would like to take you dancing again."

"On one condition."

"I don't know that you get to set conditions after the fact," Deccus laughed as Alice removed herself from his person and then the bed, bending to pick up the shoes he had removed the night before. He found himself appreciating the curve of her ass, regardless of the alien form it belonged to.

"If you expect me to dance in these again, you may well have to give me another massage."

"As that is mutually beneficial," he began, sitting up slowly, "...I can agree to that caveat."

Alice stood still for a moment after Deccus had removed himself from the bed, eyes roaming the picture he made. From head to hips he was bare, showing off just how alien his torso, head, and arms were. It was the most exposed she had ever seen a turian. With both shows in one hand, she reached the other out to trace the seam that ran between the two largest plates on his chest.

The hum from his subharmonics grew louder and his hand twitched at his side, although he didn't reach to stop her. "You keep that up and we'll be right back where we were, Alice."

"Promises, promises," she grinned up at him, skipping her fingers down the length of his upper body to the waistband of his pants. 

After individual showers and other morning preparations, Alice opted for sweats over the dress eventually returning to the doorway between the two rooms. She was beginning to think that Deccus owned little aside from suits as she stood there, watching him finish up the last few turian-friendly buttons. 

"Maker, but you do cut an image," she smiled as she leaned her shoulder into the doorframe. "I have a question. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to."

Deccus turned to look at her, eyebrow plate quirked upward.

"Did you ever marry? Or the turian-equivalent, I guess."

He shook his head a little, straightening his tie before shrugging into his suit coat. "A spouse would be a bondmate. The ceremony doesn't really translate, but I've never participated in a bonding. I'm going to assume, with your age, you haven't married?"

Alice snorted in response before she had a chance to stop herself. "Ahhh, that's a no. I have fairly limited experience with relationships of any real merit. Do you mind if I ask why?"

Again, he shook his head. "You may not always like the answer, but you're always welcome to ask questions. I've had my fair share of relationships but there are a lot of expectations for bonds. When I was younger, I was much more interested in making a name for myself than I was a family. I didn't want to dedicate the time I had to dealing with clan politics or child-rearing."

"I had a lot of different families. I was at the orphanage for a while and then got bounced around from family to family. None of them ever really stuck. I spent some time on the streets. A lot of it, actually. I got really lucky, considering some of the stories I've heard. I've never been one much for family after that. I have no idea what happened to my parents or why they gave me up. I don't know if they died or decided they didn't want me, or if my dad was even involved beyond knocking up my mom." She shrugged a little, pushing herself off of the door to take a few steps into the room. "The whole point of that was to say that I get it, wanting to focus on you. And, besides, I have to say I'm glad you never found yourself a bondmate. I may not personally have any designs on getting married but I also can't say I like the idea of being the _other woman."_

Deccus crossed the space between them in long-legged strides, slipping his hands onto her waist. "I don't have any expectations of you or of this, but I am too old to give attention to more than one partner at a time."

"If _that's_ your idea of 'sweet-talking', I can't _imagine_ why you never married," Alice grinned up at him, hands settled on his arms. "I don't have time to find someone else, so I suppose you'll do."

In response, Deccus growled with a smile before scooping her up and backing them into the wall beside the open door. The force of their impact rattled one of portrait frames, which made Alice giggle girlishly as Deccus took to her throat.

What had started as a harmless flirt quickly devolved into Deccus finding every spot on her neck that caused her to make the same lovely sounds as the night before. Alice did not remain passive in his arms for long; her legs found their favorite place to rest, her hands moving to touch the parts of him that made the gravelly purr in his chest thrum through both of them.

"We'll wrinkle your suit," she laughed throatily, ghosting kisses over wherever her lips met his hardened skin. 

"Oh, Spirits, no," he replied with no conviction against her skin. He was leaving marks and they both knew it. She would have a necklace of not-quite-bites, sealed with swipes of his dark blue tongue. 

Not wanting to lose the only outfit aside from her uniform and the dress he'd bought her, Alice stilled her hands and moved them to the sides of her neck. Deccus snarled in frustration as he pulled back, daring briefly to nip at her lips. The gasping moan he received in response seared into his memory before it could disappear.

"I don't want you to tear my clothes," she explained in a breathless laugh. "Not stopping, just pausing long enough to undress. Trust me, I am quite curious what's going on beneath your well-tailored suit."

Apparently, complimenting him wasn't the best way to get him to calm down enough to put on the brakes. In a move that was entirely instinctual, Deccus mimicked the kiss Alice had given him the night before - adding a slow swipe of his tongue along her lips. 

Alice melted at the movement, the suggestion of what his tongue could do causing her hips to slide against his waist in an effort to find friction. The extra grip on his waist from her thighs, combined with the movement of her hips had him pressing her harder against the wall as his fingers flexed into the fabric that covered the narrowest part of her torso.

She heard the tear in the sweatshirt, felt the pressure of his talons against her light undershirt and the skin beneath. _Razor-sharp_. The phrase drifted through her mind and left her mouth dry, like seeing him tear so easily through her makeshift bandage on the roof the night they had met. 

With her hands presses softly over his mandibles, Alice chased his tongue with her own into the dangerous unknown of the alien mouth. Where her teeth were blunt, his were the pointed edges of a predatory species. He was patient as he gave her ample time to explore, both intrigued and delighted at the foreign feeling of the tiny pink tongue exploring the strange space. 

Their tongues danced as his fingers tore the sides of her shirt to shreds; she would be upset about it later. In that moment, though, she was too preoccupied with the attentions he was giving her to mind all that much. Besides, she would be getting another one in three months – assuming, of course, she made it through.

It wasn’t long, though, before he was going to tear through everything she was wearing – and that would leave her with decidedly nothing to wear, even to go gather more clothes. She pushed at his wrists, “Deccus, seriously, I need _not_ to lose my entire wardrobe in one fell swoop.”

“You can order more from the comfort of the bed,” Deccus held her tighter as he turned them about, tossing her gently onto the object he spoke about. Alice squeaked briefly as she flew through the air, bouncing once until she settled on the pillowed cushions.

And then she laughed. It started as a soft giggle before it bubbled into a deeper sound, cutting off in a gasp as watched him slice open the suit that had to cost more than she made in probably a month. With wide eyes, she watched as he stripped away the vestiges of civilized society. In those moments, he was both the most alien and the most alike to her. He looked nothing like anything she had seen before but it exhilarated her, knowing the newness of it all.

His shape was foreign but in it she found beauty, the raw predatory nature of the turians vibrating off of him in ghe deep thrum of his subharmonics. He stalked forward the few scant inches between himself and the bed, head dropped low on his neck as he looked her over.

Alice realized she had been frozen like a deer in headlights since landing on the bed. She lifted her hands, feeling more than a little on the numb side as she tripped her fingers over the zipper pull and tried to divest herself of her sweatshirt. In the midst of her movement, as Deccus half-prowled the edge of the bed, Alice stopped short.

"Where..." She paused, tracing over his body with her eyes. "...Uh. Deccus, how does turian anatomy work?"

Appearing as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over his head, Deccus ceased in his pacing and looking over his body. He knew some of human anatomy and, after a long pause, her question began to make a little more sense. "...it works, _trust me."_

Not wanting to press any more awkwardness into the small space they occupied, Alice decided to do just that.

* * *

 

Alice realized, as caught her breath above him with her naked thighs gripping tightly against his smooth waist, that she was going to be sore from the inside out for days. She wondered how much a decent tonic would cost there, mostly so that they might go for a second round.

Deccus' hands gripped her at the waist, as if unwilling to allow her to move. Sex with a human had proved a vastly different experience than any of his others and he caught himself contemplating the overly romantic notion of making a habit of this particular pasttime with Alice.

She could feel him inside of her, too big without the generous amount of attention he had paid to her prior to their joining, and something inside of her thrilled at the redness of her chafed thighs and the blue tinge to his skin near where he disappeared inside of her. With a conscious contraction of her inner muscles, Deccus' hands tightened and he growled.

"If you ever want to leave this bed, you'll have to resist the urge to torture this ancient turian."

It was different for him to have a woman above him; it wasn't a common or even often realistic position with a female turian, nor was it one that was generally particularly highly sought after. After discovering how appreciative she was for his attentions to the pillowy bits on her front, he was less disappointed by her suggested position. It was against his nature to give her the reigns even that much, but he found himself caring more for her comfort and pleasure than his own. He thought, too, there would be plenty of time for them to explore what worked - and he would have nearly three months to do additional research.

It was fortunate that her measurements had been taken by Lisistra the day previously, because once spurred on Deccus had paid little mind to the weak protest Alice offered as his talons divested her of what articles of clothing remained on her person. The fabric the two of them had been wearing, all collected in a heap when they finally chose to disconnect, made her want to laugh.

She did so, although very quietly, as she picked up two long strands of each of their shirts and two additional from his tie. She heard his growl as she approached him, still lounging in the bed with a look of need clouding the satisfaction on his features.

"I think you've broken me, Alice."

"How so?" she asked, having him thin the tie strands before pressing the ends of three pieces between his thumb and one of his fingers. She began to braid the pieces together while he clarified.

"I would be lying if I said I'd never found someone that wasn't a turian attractive, but..." he let out a noise she couldn't identify even as it sent a delicious chill of want coursing through her. "...I think I understand what you meant by my 'lines'. Only they're curves on you."

"Curves _are_ lines," she laughed a little as she tied off the ends of the first braid. She made the second before she asked him to tie one around her wrist, then stole his to do the same.

He watched her curiously. "Is this a human thing?"

"No, it's an _us_  thing."

 **"Us,"** he repeated, as if tasting the word.

"You did call me sentimental," she grinned at him, tugging the braid around his wrist to make sure it would stay. "I didn't know that I was. But this? Whatever _this_ is?" She shrugged a little before she kissed the back of his hand. "This is good."

Deccus wanted to reply. He wanted to agree, to say something romantic or poetic but he was too struck by the simple action of watching her delicate fingers find a way to fit in his hand.

By the time Lisistra came with clothes, the room service they ordered had been eaten and both parties had showered again. Alice was feeling their activities in her every movement as she sat in one of Deccus' shirts, across from the turian at the small table drinking a coffee.

"I nearly forgot," Deccus stated as he approached with a box, setting it in front of Alice. The asari had come and gone, leaving a bundle of clothing that would fit the human as well as the turian's suits fit him.

Alice opened the box to reveal another dessert, to which she let out a happy laugh. "I am far too full, but maybe after the insisted-upon dancing."

"I could feed it to you," he offered, recalling a previous conversation.

She laughed a little louder at that before she closed the box over. "Is that a turian thing?"

He shook his head. "Not particularly. Although neither are half of the things we've done in the last several hours."

Alice had the good sense to blush as she stood, shifting across the room to pluck through the clothes she had chosen. Deccus hadn't directly specified clothes but she paid attention to his reactions as she scrolled, laying in his arms.

She opted for pants in the wake of the chafing from their fun earlier, giving in to his appreciation for high heels and a bare midriff.

He had commented on her belly-button previously but as she stood, outfit newly donned with the dark red crop-top ending just below her breasts, he took a moment to trace the indent in her middle with the edge of a talon. The scar from her wound on Elysium was mostly faded but still visible a several centimeters up and to the right.

His touch was quickly followed by his tongue and Alice gripped the softer spot at the back of his head, letting out a sigh. "I just got dressed," she laughed airily, not doing a thing to stop him. "And I'm _sore."_

"I can always give you a _massage,"_ as he spoke, his mandibles fluttered against her bare skin.

"Don't even _think_ about tearing these clothes. I like them." Her warning was playful, to which he responded with a growl of the same sort. He plucked at the waistband of her hip-hugging pants in suggestion. "Do turians always tear the clothes off their partners?"

"It's not uncommon," he trailed his fingers over her skin as she shimmied out of the lower half of her clothes. He intended to tell her the secondary reason for the tearing but found himself too distracted by the slow revelation of inch after inch if skin. The second she was free, he lifted her with hands on her hips and made good on his promise to ease her aches, long enough that she was ready for dessert after.


	10. Flames So Hot That They Turn Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are probably going to become less frequent, work is...work. Hoping to get the next chapter up today, though. Thank you to everyone that's along for the ride!

The rest of their week went much the same; drinking, dancing, and Alice trying desperately to save the wardrobe that Deccus seemed intent on constantly replacing. By the time she was set to ship out again, they had explored a few more positions that allowed them both to experience things previously unknown. Her tango was coming along, albeit it very slowly.

Deccus offered to keep what few things she had managed to save from his needy grasp for her until they met again in a week shy of three months. The braid she had created was shifted to her ankle; bracelets of any kind were not allowed, but tucked into her sock she wouldn't be caught out for it. Deccus hadn't removed his and, likewise, had no intention of doing so.

The day before she was meant to leave, she got her orders to report to Quodis. Immediately upon receiving the notification, she booked her passage.

She had long since thanked Zersa for the desserts via message and had eventually replied to the others she had received. She and Deccus spent as much of their last evening as he would allow her (her last chance for decent sleep, he reminded her) learning every line of the other again. 

Their parting for the second time was more charged but somehow more relaxed, the turian seeing his human off at the doors like before. It was not impossible to die during training but highly unlikely - and regardless, Deccus believed wholeheartedly that nothing could kill Alice Shepard.

It was harder that time to leave, or at least it felt harder once she had settled into her seat on the ship. It was uncomfortable at best, but Alice quickly pushed down any feeling other than determination and squared her shoulders. Back in uniform with her hair in a low bun, she watched Illium grow smaller before they were off. 

The headaches came and went, slightly less frequent in the last few weeks. She hoped that meant they were going to disappear although she doubted she would be so lucky.

Upon arriving at the relatively obscure location, she noticed Griggs before either of the men.

"Good break?" she asked, approaching the woman from the side. 

"I spent it back home," she replied with a small smile, smoothing a hand over her regulation-short hair. "Saw some friends. What about you, Shepard? You look like you've seen a friend or two."

Alice snorted a little, hand moving to her neck. She knew the bruises wouldn't fade quickly and, more than that, that they weren't within regulations - but the ICT program didn't require specifics once they were given their orders. 

"Here," Griggs offered, gesturing to her hair. "Take it down, I've got an idea."

Alice did as she was told and Griggs arranged her hair in a way that would both pass regulations and mostly suffice to hide the bruises. “What _are_ those?” she asked as she pulled back.

“Bitemarks?” Alice offered, not entirely sure she even knew what to call them.

“Huh,” Griggs responded, not appearing to be entirely sated with the answer but not pressing the other woman. It was followed by a companionable silence before they pressed on.

The following few months were harder than the last, conceptually, although with the experience of the previous round it was easier for Alice to push herself through. They had been joined by three other recruits from previous N1 trainings – putting their number to a total of seven. By the end of their time, they had lost one to nerves and one to failure. All said and done, five of them were moving on – another man, Corporal Redford joining Alice and the first three she had passed N1 with.

The next several week-breaks that dotted her increasingly long training periods were spent almost exclusively with Deccus, at various vacation spots across the galaxy. More than once during her two years of training, Alice met him on Elysium and visited Zersa. He spoiled her completely, predominately with the purchasing of clothing that he then decimated. Her favorite gift was the red lipstick that match his clan markings perfectly.

Their relationship escalated quickly at first, but evened out into conversation, dancing, and acrobatics in the bedroom. When Alice graduated as the only one to complete the N7 training from her round, given a full month to herself before shipping out for six, she and Deccus considered what their plan of attack would be for the free time.

“You do actually have to work at some point, don’t you?” Alice asked with a laugh as she settled into Deccus’ lap. He had a rather lavish apartment on the Citadel, one of her favorite places to visit.

His subharmonics purred against her side as she sat sideways in his lap, head resting against his shoulder as his arms curved around her. One of his hands stroked over her long hair, left down when out of uniform. Another thing that had become a part of their ritual was his brushing her hair whenever it needed it; he enjoyed the process almost more than she did.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he replied with an annoyed hum. “I’ve been commissioned for a large undertaking, all very hush-hush. I will take as much time as I can while you’re around but I will be exceedingly busy in the coming months. It’s probably best that you’re going on a mission or else I might be far too distracted.”

“Oh, hush-hush, hmm?” Alice teased, one hand in her lap and the other crossing over her body to clutch gently at his uncovered carapace. “How very _mysterious_ , Mr. Abiso.”

Deccus snorted, fingers curving into her hair and curling around her head. Gently, he turned her head to a more reasonable angle for him to press a facsimile of a human kiss to her lips. “That’s me, Lieutenant Commander Shepard. _Mysterious_.”

“You’re an enigma,” she replied, deadpan, before she began to laugh against his mouth. “Antiques tend to be.”

He growled playfully and lifted her, shifting her so that she could wrap her legs around his waist and he could stand. “This old body still has a few tricks in it.”

“Oh? _Do tell_ ,” she grinned, arms and legs wrapped around him even as he held her beneath her bottom and moved from the couch towards the bedroom of his apartment.

“I prefer to showcase my talents.” His voice and subharmonics thrummed through her before he deposited her on the bed and did just that.

During their month together, Deccus slowly began amassing things for Alice in his home. By the time she shipped out, she had her own section in the closet, dresser, toothbrush, and favorite blend of coffee stocked. There had been the occasional photographs taken, mostly candid, that littered the walls and horizontal surfaces of the apartment.

The morning she was meant to ship out, both of them woke far earlier than normal to spend more time together.

Naked as the days they were born, Deccus lay on his side with an arm curled over Alice’s bare stomach. His face was close to her cheek, mandibles fluttering against it as he spoke. “I’m going to miss you, crazy human.”

“We can keep in touch this time,” Alice teased, shifting her gaze to the corners of her eyes to watch him. She turned her head enough to rest her forehead against his before pressing her lips to his mouth. “I won’t be off the grid. You’re stuck with me, Deccus Abiso.”

“That so, Alice?” he chuckled, nipping gently at her lower lip. She moaned quietly, rotating her hips and hitching one of her legs over his waist. She pulled him close with her calf hooked behind his rear.

It drove her wild that he wanted her so very much, proven again as she felt him press hard against her. His pelvic plates had separated to allow his _appreciation_ to become particularly evident. With little effort, she was able to maneuver her hips closer to his and let out a sigh as she slid herself down over him. Her sigh was chorused by a groan from the turian, the move unexpected but entirely welcome. One arm curve beneath her and the other pulled her closer, pads of his fingers and thumb pressed into the muscles on her back to do so.

The pace was slow and sweet, the two of them changing locations and positions to allow them more opportunity to worship the other. When they had both found their pleasure, chests meeting between them as Deccus released his hold on her legs to allow them to fall to either side of him, he rested on his elbows and held her face between his much-larger hands.

“Alice…promise me something.”

Grinning in a sleepy sort of way, Alice gripped his shoulders lightly as she looked up at him while he softened inside of her. “The stars, if you asked it.”

The look on his face betrayed how much he liked the sound of her words. He leaned down, larger body cover hers as he pressed into the mattress to rest his forehead against hers. “…Stay safe. For the sake of this old turian, come back to me in one piece.”

Alice allowed herself to give him a loving look but briefly before she nipped at his chin, the motion entirely for show as he could only feel the pressure of her blunted teeth against his hardened skin. “When’d you get so romantic, Deccus?”

“Somewhere between the moment we met and the moment I saw you single-handedly decimate the better portion of a batarian force with your biotics.” Propping himself on one arm, his other trailed over the lines of her face.

The human blushed profusely, craning her neck enough to follow his touch. “Impressed you, did I?”

“More than I can say and you just continue to-”

The angry sound of Alice’s morning alarm blared from her Omni-tool, set on the bedside table on ‘her’ side of the bed. Both individuals groaned and Deccus dropped his forehead to hers until they could no longer stand the grating sound ringing in their ears.

Deccus removed himself from the woman to silence the alarm and she spared him a long, happy look before she tore off to ready herself to ship out.

“Alice,” he spoke as she stood, dressed in full uniform at the door. She stopped, setting her bag down as he approached her and curled his hands around her waist. She held onto his carapace in their most common embrace outside of the bedroom or the dance floor. “Come back to me.”

“Every time,” she replied with a smile as he leaned down. They both closed their eyes as their foreheads met, letting out shaky exhales. During the training to become an N7, she was in some level of danger but nothing truly terrifying. Her mission wasn’t _necessarily_ death-defying but one can never truly tell.

After spending too long separating, Alice had to run from his apartment all the way to the docking bay.

“Worth it,” she grinned to herself, catching her breath and straightening the lines of her uniform before she entered the Hastings.

While on her mission, Alice did not have as much downtime as one might on shore leave – but she still found time most days to respond to the messages pinging on her Omni-tool.

Pulling up the interface, she smiled.

_Alice – do you remember the piece of art you commented on, some months back? It has a new home. ­–Deccus_

_­_ The human rolled her eyes a little, recalling very easily the piece he mentioned. She had said that it was nice on one trip to the shops and thought nothing of it since.

_Someday, you will have to explain ‘spaghetti’ to me. –Deccus_

_This project is taxing. It would be a joy to distract myself with you in my arms. –Deccus_

With a small smile on her lips, Alice replied to his most recent messages.

 **Miss me a little? Your romanticism is showing, once-feisty turian.** **–Alice**

Time passed slowly as she waited to see if he would respond. She busied herself by replying to Zersa, Juniper, and Griggs.

_What can I say? I’ve gone soft in my old age. –Deccus_

**Yeah, you’re a real marshmallow. And equally delicious. –Alice**

_You’re not making this easier, Alice._

**Wasn’t trying to. But, my dear marshmallow turian, call to arms will come early at this rate. Also, spaghetti is…well, I’ll see if I can get Zersa to make something like it. Sleep well. Only little while longer. –Alice**

She made a note to do just that – message Zersa when she next had a moment – and missed Deccus’ message until the next time she had a chance to check her Omni-tool.

As it so happened, the mission ended two and a half weeks before it was scheduled to. Alice considered letting Deccus know but decided to surprise him instead.

She went to Elysium first, to retrieve the turan facsimile of spaghetti that she and Zersa had devised. Back on the Citadel, she briefly debated dropping in on Deccus at work but decided against it. Instead, she let herself into the apartment Deccus owned. Checking the time, she set the food in the fridge and took a luxuriously long shower.

Meaning to surprise him with a lovely reunion, Alice chose a favorite outfit of his. She would miss it when he tore it to pieces but it would be worth it for the growling satisfaction she would hear from his chest.

What Alice forgot, as she did more often than not, was that Deccus’ sense of smell was far superior to her own. While he did not immediately recognize the differences when he approached the apartment, it wasn’t long after he had stepped in that he realized the familiar scent of his human companion had permeated the space.

He found her leaning against the arm of the couch, waiting for him in a red dress with no center that fit like a second skin. He scanned her from the roots of her hair to the heels of the black stilettos, taking his sweet time doing so. Alice watched him and smiled as she saw the tell-tale flicker of his mandibles. Her eyes caught on the bracelet she had made him over two years ago, his gaze finding hers still settled around her ankle. His first gift to her remained around her neck, her dog tags removed when she had arrived back at the apartment and removed her uniform.

“I thought I’d gone a little crazy,” Deccus breathed, crossing the space that separated them to cover her bare waist with his hungry hands. “I walked in and I could _smell_ you. I was certain it was a trick of my mind. You weren’t due back for over two weeks.”

“Surprise,” she grinned up at him, hands laid gently over the chest of his suit jacket. “I don’t know when I’ll get my next mission call, but we should have a few days at least.”

Scooping her up against him, Deccus didn’t spare any moments in reintroducing himself to the curves of her that fascinated him so. They lost themselves for hours, Alice’s dress left in a trail of shreds from one end of the apartment to the other.

When the managed to resurface for air, Alice shared with him the surprise from Zersa – as well as the dessert the turian female had sent along with the human. They shared their dextro-based food, the spaghetti a reasonable facsimile that tasted closer than most attempts Alice had had off of Earth. They spent the evening catching up where their messages had fallen short, before curling together in the turian bed that Alice had found a deep appreciation for over the last two and a half years.

Because Deccus hadn’t anticipated her early arrival, he had not prepared to take time off of work – leaving Alice to occupy herself, despite his irritation at having to leave her alone. It was less that he worried about her and more that he worried they would run out of time. Alice assured him that she would get at least twenty-four hours’ notice, if not more but it did little to assuage the flicker of irritation she saw when he left her the following morning.

Alice spent her time cleaning up from the evening before, scrolling a datapad, catching up on news, and stalking through the extranet. She took it upon herself to make dinner for the two of them, something that surprised Deccus immensely when he eventually returned to her.

“You are so full of surprises,” he purred, pressing his equivalent of a kiss to the top of her head as he settled into the table across from her.

“I have another one,” she grinned at him, “but eat first. It’ll keep, I promise.”

They ate what Alice had affectionately termed ‘zersgetti’, which had made Zersa laugh and Deccus snort, before she ushered him out to relax for a little while as she cleaned up the kitchen. She wasn’t a particularly good cook all on her own, although she could make edible food – she had done a lot of chores, either for payment in some form or as a part of one of the families that she lived with very briefly, and preferred things to be neat although she spent much of her life without the option to keep it that way.

Deccus took a shower and, by the time he was leaving the steaming bathroom, Alice was standing in a dress that made him purr with a change of clothes for him in her hands.

The turian reached his hands out to pull the human closer to his bare body, towel used and left in the bathroom, but the redhead flashed him a mischievous smirk. “Ah, ahhh, Mr. Abiso. Make your hands busy putting this on. I have _plans_.”

Deccus let out a noise that started in a growl and shifted to a snort of disapproval as he gathered the outfit from her arms. Leaning down, he nipped at the curve where her neck met her shoulder. “You said nothing about my _mouth_ ,” he murmured against her skin, mandibles flickering along with the words.

“Be _have_ ,” she grinned up at him, gently nudging his chest. “I’m going to finish getting ready. Meet me in the living room when you’re dressed.”

“Someone’s getting bossy,” he groused good-naturedly, watching the sway of her hips as she passed him by for the bathroom. Alice had never been one much for makeup but she found herself appreciating the things Lisistra and Noyrishi had showed her; she took a few tips and ended up ordering more make-up since that first break in N-training than she had in all the years before that combined. In truth, that wasn’t saying much as she had gotten maybe a lipgloss or two on her own prior to Deccus’ appearance in her life but she had amassed a small collection of bits and bobs to recreate the dolled up look the asari’s had introduced to her previously.

After Deccus gave her the lipstick that he seemed to love so much, Alice had purchased enough lipstick to keep her painted for _years_. Considering how infrequently she wore it, it may be decades. She tried to wear it whenever she was around him, knowing how it made him smile. In all honesty, she quite liked how it looked as well – the fact that it matched the markings on his face didn’t hurt her opinion of it either.

When all was said and done, Deccus was leaning against the wall beside the door. When she approached, in a black dress reminiscent of those worn by the asari at Chora’s Den, the turian straightened his back. The low hum of his subharmonics grew louder and Alice couldn’t keep the smile from her face. The sound had become a happy memory for her, something that always reminded her of what she meant to Deccus and what he meant to her.

Taking his hand, fitting her fingers between his, she moved to the door. “Come on, Mr. Abiso. We have a date.”

“Do I get to know where we’re going?” he asked, letting her lead the way. They were accustomed to keeping their relationship a little more under wraps while at the Citadel than the other places they visited but Alice made no bones about keep their fingers interlocked as they headed for the nearest transportation depot.

“You’ll see when we get there. What part of ‘surprise’ isn’t translating?” she grinned, leaning into him as he removed his hand from hers to slide it behind her back. “Besides, it’s not like you won’t recognize it as soon as we get there. Just give it a minute.”

Deccus made a clucking noise, the sort of the thing that bespoke equal parts amusement and mild frustration at being left out.

Alice was right, though; when they reached the hall leading to Flux, he knew exactly where they were. “I wanted to take you dancing,” she smiled at him as they ascended the stairs, nodding to the bouncer. “One of the women stationed on the Hastings gave me a few pointers. I think you’ll be impressed.”

“I already am,” he curled her close to him, bypassing the bar and going directly to the dance floor. They swayed to the music until a beat struck up that worked for the tango, at which point Deccus _was_ incredibly impressed. They spent the better part of the evening dancing over the zersgetti before getting a drink, cooling their heels.

“I like your surprises,” the turian flicked a mandible, taking a drink as he curved his two-toed foot around the leg of her chair and tugged her closer to him. She laughed a little, a light sound, setting an elbow on the table.

“I like _you_ ,” she grinned. “I do have to say, it’s nice to be here.”

“I didn’t know you liked Flux so much.”

Alice snorted and shifted her gaze skyward for a brief moment. “No, Deccus. I mean…well, I mean with you. It’s nice, having a place to come back to. To have _someone_ out there, waiting for me.”

She caught a look on his face – she had grown much more accustomed to turian expressions in their time together, and he always explained as best he could – but she wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. It was gone as quickly as it came and he spoke, hand finding hers across the small space. “You’ll always have a place with me, Alice.”

The human felt a tightness in her throat and took a drink to swallow the emotion; it wasn’t that she minded feeling, it was mostly that they were in the middle of a fairly loud club. The looks hadn’t ceased from the moment they had left his apartment on the Presidium but they had long-since grown used to them. It was nice to belong.

“I don’t know about you, but I’d like to go home.”

“Home, huh?” Deccus intoned, eyebrow plate quirked at her. He watched her as the use of the word dawned and saw her cheeks color like her hair, lifting her hand to press his mouth over the back of it.

“Yeah,” she grinned, feeling the comfort of the word and his closeness make it real. “Home.”


	11. All the Pretty Stars Shine For You, My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major character death.

In the four years leading up from the Blitz to Alice’s promotion to Staff Commander prior to a semi-permanent assignment as the XO of a ship, the human and the turian became fairly well-known amongst those that saw them. The interspecies relationship was not a common one and, in a lot of circles, not a popular one either.

It didn’t matter to those in the relationship, however; the apartment that Deccus had purchased before Alice was even a teenager had become theirs together. It took her some time to agree to put her name on the lease, mostly because she felt like she didn’t _deserve_ partial ownership of something she had never worked for. She insisted on helping replace some of the furniture, even though Deccus managed to do more of it before she had a chance. He listened closely and paid attention when she made an off-hand comment or took a second look at something when she didn’t think he noticed.

They had little to fight about, although once in a while the stress of his job or her extended missions would wear them down. All in all, the relationship was better than either of them had expected when his talons bit into her elbow at their first meeting.

“I am going to miss you.”

Deccus told her this every time she left for a mission or a posting, although she had not held a position longer than eight months since graduating from the N7 program.

“You’ve gone soft on me,” Alice smiled as she rolled over to cover his body with hers. Sitting up, she settled her thighs against his waist and her hands on his chest. Leaning her body over, she pressed a kiss to his mouth. “I’m going to miss you too, Deccus. I always do.”

The look that passed over his face didn’t shift fast enough for Alice to miss it. With a frown, she trailed her thumbs over the top ridges of his mandibles. “Is something wrong?”

She could feel the vibration of his subharmonics as she shifted her hands back to his chest. He sat up slowly, Alice shifting into his lap as his arms held her close. Leaning his forehead against hers, he didn’t answer for a long time. It seemed like he was weighing his options, nervous to speak.

“I love you, Alice.”

The human inhaled sharply and scrabbled her fingers to grasp onto his carapace, holding him close. His arms tightened around her and they remained, clinging to each other in silence, for what felt like hours. The words had never been spoken between them; they didn’t actively avoid them, but they just hadn’t come up. They said kind things to each other and Deccus used terms of endearment with impunity. It was more the time they spent with each other that spoke about their feelings. Alice had grown much from the child of eighteen that had met him to the young woman of twenty-two, twenty-four if anyone asked, currently peppering the turian’s face with kisses.

When she pulled back finally, she still kept him close as his fingers held tight to the bare skin of her back. “I love you,” she chorused, green eyes locked on his gold ones. “I have for a long time.”

“As have I. I must admit, I never expected this when you walked into Zersa’s restaurant.”

Alice let out a laugh, “Yeah, can’t say I did either. But this has been…every day with you, Deccus…” She shook her head a little, smiling. “You are everything I have and everything I want. Ancient or not.”

The noise in his chest was like thunder rumbling against her as he let out a sigh, clutching her tight to his chest. “Stay safe out there, Commander Shepard.”

“For you? The stars,” she smiled, kissing him before she made to move from the bed. Deccus had other plans, however, and held her captive until the very last minute.

He walked her to the docking bay, as he had so many times before. They had sent her orders the day before, letting her know she was being assigned to a prototype called the SSV Normandy. She had been hand-picked by Captain Anderson to join the team on the test run for the stealth systems. She had worked with Anderson on the Hastings and had a good rapport with him. She was excited for her new posting as the XO but Deccus knew she was also nervous.

With her hands on his carapace, she pulled him down and herself up to kiss him first and rest her forehead against his second. “Keep yourself ship-shape, Mr. Abiso. I’m going to miss this mug of yours.”

“I love you, Alice.” He held her face in his large hands as she went back to the balls of her feet just inside the docking bay doors. “You have given me so much, just by _being_. And you were always, _always_ someone. And you always will be.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” she half-laughed, smoothing down the front of his suit jacket. “I love you, Deccus. I’ll see you soon, okay? Try to stay out of trouble, with all your free time.”

The turian grinned but didn’t let her move away, holding her tightly until he knew he had to let her go.

“It shouldn’t be a long run. I’ll be back before you know I’ve gone.”

“Stay safe, Commander.” Deccus saluted her with a lopsided grin as she managed to pull away. He watched her, smile bright and wide, before she disappeared through the doors to report to Captain Anderson her new home away from the Citadel.

The ship was unlike anything she had ever seen before. The rest of the crew wasn’t due for two hours, giving Alice time to get used to the strange hybrid and go over the rosters Anderson had for her. She had heard about the Normandy, mostly murmurings here and there. When she spoke to Anderson, she learned that it was a newly created human-turian hybrid ship that the Council had helped to create alongside the Alliance. It was an attempt on their part to bring everyone closer together.

She instantly felt more at home, knowing it had some elements of the love she would be leaving behind. When she had been introduced to the ship, Anderson ran through the crew with her. Most of them, she had met before either in training or on postings. A particular name, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko , was still in contact with her from time to time. They had gotten that drink he mentioned once, laughing together over a beer in a human-centric restaurant on the Citadel.

“There will be a Spectre on board,” Anderson offered as he shifted the screen to a picture of an unfamiliar turian face. “Nihlus.”

“Why is there going to be a Spectre for a specs run?” Alice asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“He has business on Eden Prime. It’s convenient for him to ride with us. It’ll give us a chance to ask any questions about the ship while he’s onboard.”

Alice was not wholly convinced but did not press her commanding officer, nodding once before she dismissed the screen and they moved to greet the crew as they boarded.

When Kaidan approached, he looked mildly surprised to see Alice. He saluted her as was appropriate, the edge of his lips quirking at her. “Ma’am.”

“Lieutenant,” she smiled, nodding as she watched him continue on into the body of the ship.

By the time everyone was situated and the pilot, one Jeff Moreau of whom she had heard good things or nothing at all, Alice had been introduced to Nihlus. She greeted him in typical turian fashion – he was surprised, but she didn’t know that. She merely saw the flutter of his mandibles in an expression she was unfamiliar with and waited for the captain to dismiss her.

After Jeff – or Joker, as many called him – hit the mass relay like the pro he was, Nihlus left the cockpit and made his way to the comm room to meet with the captain. Alice followed after him shortly when she saw the quirk of his mandible in her direction.

“I wasn’t certain,” he began when he stalled, short of the door on the other side of the bridge, hands held behind his back, “that you would understand. I am pleasantly surprised to note that you did.”

“I am…familiar with some turian gestures.”

“I had heard,” Nihlus spoke, his subharmonics trilling a little. “Are the speculations true, then?”

The continued into the comm room and Alice shrugged. “It would depend on what they are.”

“Your relationship with a turian?”

“Although I’m not entirely certain why this is relevant information for a Spectre, yes.”

“One of those that you met on Elysium?” Nihlus asked as they settled into the middle of the room.

“His name is Deccus. We have made no true attempt at hiding our relationship, we just didn’t broadcast it. Apparently, others have.”

“It’s an _uncommon_ situation,” the turian responded with a quirk of his eyebrow plate. “But it seems quite appropriate, considering the ship. You said Deccus, correct? Deccus Abiso, the engineer?”

Alice watched him curiously, for any indication of his intent with his line of questioning. “Yes, sir. His contract ended and he has some time-”

The human stopped short, eyes widening a fraction.

“Ahhh. So he _had_ kept it quiet. Good man, Deccus.” Nihlus’ voice was laced with amusement.

It was then that Alice knew, without a doubt, the ship he had been commissioned to help build was the one in which she currently stood. He had been working with the Alliance and the Council for the last several years to build the single-most advanced ship in the whole of space, or at least as far as any of them knew. She didn’t try to stop the proud smile on her lips, even as Nihlus changed the subject.

“I did not ask you here to speak to you of your…turian paramour, however.”

“I didn’t think so,” Alice held in her laugh, nodding once. “What can I do for you, sir?”

The sound of the door opening caused them to look as Captain Anderson joined them, the door closing behind him as he moved in closer. “Shepard.” He looked to Nihlus. “I think it’s time we tell her the truth.”

“The truth about what, sir?”

“Nihlus isn’t just here for the test of the stealth systems. He is meant to make note of you, Shepard.”

“To what end?” While Alice had an idea, she wouldn’t dare speak it aloud.

“I have come to determine whether or not you are as well-suited for the Spectre force as I believe.”

“As _you_ believe, sir?” Alice asked, looking at the turian.

“I put your name forth to the Council. I am meant to determine how on the mark I was, or wasn’t.”

Another person may have questioned why a _turian_ would recommend a _human_ – but not Alice. Instead, she just nodded once. “Thank you, sir. It does explain why you’ve been my shadow since we boarded.”

The flick of his mandible let her know he was just as amused by her statement as she was.

“There’s more to it, Shepard. There has been reports of a Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. Our objective is to secure and remove it.”

Alice, without the formal education that most people had, knew only what she had managed to read on the Protheans. As it so happened, with her own desire to learn, she knew marginally more than what a history class might teach on Earth. “Understood, sir.”

Alice turned to leave but was interrupted by Joker’s voice over the comm system. A video was called up, a transmission from the ground team stationed for security on planet.

A ship unlike anything any of them had seen, reminiscent of a giant squid, seemed to be attacking – and winning.

Captain Anderson turned to Alice, “Suit up, Shepard. Tell Jenkins and Alenko to ready themselves. You’ll be going planetside to get this under control.”

“Aye, aye,” Shepard saluted before taking off to do just that.

* * *

“Jenkins!” Alice called as the man went down, feeling instantly as if one of the shots had hit her. Gritting her teeth, she pressed forward to clear the area before she and Alenko approached the fallen man.

“We’ll see he has a proper burial, when all of this is over. We…we have to press on,” she murmured, marking his position on her map before she watched Alenko the dead man’s eyes.

On they moved.

* * *

They had missed Saren by minutes, because of those Maker-damned charges. She could see the ship, a black dot on the horizon, before it disappeared completely. As she stood watching it, jaw clenched tight, she saw Alenko approach the beacon out of the corner of her eye.

“KAIDAN!” she yelled, propelling herself forward to knock him out of the pull or whatever it was that had his feet dragging behind him as his body shifted towards the short tower.

Alice felt the electric pulse through her as she was forced towards it, sound and sight drowned out to a single point – the beacon.

Images seared through her mind – flashes of war, of machines she couldn’t recognize. Of the geth.

And then there was nothing.

* * *

Alice groaned as she lifted her hand to press against her temple. The hardness below her didn’t _feel_ like the bed she shared with Deccus. It didn’t feel like his chest, or even the bed on the Normandy.

The Normandy.

Eden Prime.

Jenkins.

Nihlus.

Saren.

 _The beacon_.

Alice opened her eyes, sitting up too quickly and feeling nauseous as a result. “Commander,” the familiar voice of Kaidan spoke from her side, growing closer as he moved to ensure that she was stable.

“Commander, it’s best that you don’t move too quickly,” an unfamiliar voice spoke, an English woman if Alice knew anything.

“Dr. Chakwas said you’ll be all right,” Kaidan offered, smiling weakly at her. His expression looked strained.

“Headache,” Alice coughed a little, narrowing her eyes as the light beat against her vision.

“Yes. Your implant has taken a few beatings over the years, Commander. But all of your tests came back normal. You should be able to walk, once you acclimate to being awake again.”

“How long was I out?”

“Seventeen hours. Williams and I had to carry you onboard when the Normandy came for us.”

There was something about the way Kaidan was speaking, his general appearance that set Alice on edge. She forced a small smile and said, “Thanks,” before she struggled to her feet.

Captain Anderson entered the med bay and requested to speak to her privately. Dr. Chakwas and Kaidan left them alone, Alice still holding gently onto the edge of her vacated bed.

“I need to hear your report and then…there’s a message for you, from the Citadel. It came in while you were planetside.”

Alice felt her stomach plummet to the floor but swallowed the taste of bile in her throat, nodding her head tightly before she filled Anderson in on everything she could remember.

“You may…let me help you to your room.”

Alice’s heart sped up and she tightened her fists at her sides as Anderson ushered her to her room, neither of them speaking. It seemed that a mood had descended upon the ship since they went to Eden Prime – she wondered idly if it was Jenkins’ death, Nihlus’ death, or the entire ordeal that had caused it.

“Would you prefer to be alone?” Anderson asked, hesitating just inside her door.

Alice turned her head sharply to her captain, not even trying to hide the grimace on her face. “Captain. Sir. What is going on?”

He shook his head before he shifted, pressing a button on the wall.

Alice’s attention focused immediately on the hologram that appeared a few feet in front of her.

Deccus.

She couldn’t hear his subharmonics. The blue of the image washed out his clan markings. She tightened her lips, knowing they were painted with the color she could not see.

“Alice.” The image sighed. Her heart hurt; she didn’t even know if Anderson had stayed. She wouldn’t take her eyes off the image, even if the Normandy was falling through space. “I have been trying to decide how to tell you this for some time. If you are watching this video, I never quite figured it out while you were around.”

Without realizing it, the human had lifted a hand to her lips.

“A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with coraegerpulomis. It’s a turian illness of the heart and lungs.”

The choked sound to his voice had tears in Alice’s eyes that she blinked away, wiping furiously at her face as she waited for him to continue.

“There was a chance we had caught it in time…by now, though, it has become terminal.”

 _Terminal_.

Alice let out a squeak of breath as her knees went weak, causing her to crash to the floor of her rooms on the Normandy.

The hologram continued, the image of Deccus’ face laced with sorrow. “I couldn’t…I was selfish, Alice. I didn’t want to tell you, I didn’t want you to know. I wanted to pretend everything was all right, just for a little while longer. You deserve more than this, and more than I could ever give you. You have made this ancient turian’s life _so much better_. If you’ve gotten this video, I am…” he let out something that sounded like hollow laughter. “…well, I’m…”

Alice let out a broken sob when Deccus’ hand lifted to run over his face as he managed to speak the word.

“Dead.”

The howl that ripped through her could be heard halfway across the ship as she fell forward, hand beating against the floor and disrupting the image.

“There is nothing I can say,” Deccus continued over the woman sobbing at the image of his feet. “…and for that, and so much more, I am so incredibly sorry. Everything…everything is yours. The ship…” Alice saw the smile on his face through the tears that blurred her vision. “The Normandy? It’s for you, Alice. It was all for you. They asked for an engineer to create a human-turian hybrid and it was the closest…”

He had started to cry.

Alice felt her heart, or what was left of it, shatter inside her chest.

“…the closest thing I could give you to a child.” The brittle sound of his laughter _hurt_. “Seemed more appropriate for the two of us anyway.”

They sighed, Alice in sync with the image of the dead turian, before he continued. “I am so incredibly proud of you, Alice. I have been since that night on Elysium and you just _kept on_ surprising me. I love you now and I will love you as long as the Spirits allow. Thank you, for everything you have given to me. Thank you, for letting me come with you that night. And thank you, above all, for loving me. Alice…”

The blue Deccus shook his head and reached out his hand. Alice hurried forward on her knees and rested her cheek near the image, distorting it but not caring. Her tears fell with abandon as she scrabbled against the image to try to find something to hold. She ended up flinging her arms around herself and leaning her forehead against the wall behind the project, in the middle of the hologram.

“Goodbye, Alice. I will miss you.”

Anderson waited by the door for a few more minutes; when Alice had not turned from where she had rested her forehead against the wall he pressed the button to turn the projection off. It had paused at the end.

“…play it again,” Alice hissed, not turning to look at Anderson. The captain startled a little, halfway out of the door. He returned to do as she asked, closing his eyes against his own emotion at seeing the woman so broken as he exited her quarters and overrode the lock from the outside so that she would not be disturbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Like. I can't even tell you. I was crying when I wrote this. BUT IT HAD TO HAPPEN. Please forgive me.


	12. Fooling Everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to work on the next chapter tomorrow but I'm not sure when I'll be able to post again this week - full social calendar and whatnot.
> 
> Enjoy!

Alice didn’t move from within the image on the floor for hours. When she felt like she couldn’t cry any longer, she sat back from the wall. A little while after that, she found her feet. She washed her face with frigid water, trying to decrease the puffiness from around her eyes. After reapplying the red lipstick that Deccus had loved, she straightened her uniform. She left the image of the man she loved up as she left her cabin.

_Step, breathe, step, breathe, repeat._

She felt like she was in a haze, like her vision was fuzzy and she had cotton balls in her ears. Alice had never known loss, not like this; her parents left her so young, she had little connection to them. She had certainly cried over it, and many other things, during her lifetime. But not like this, nothing like this.

She had never felt so broken. She wasn’t certain if it was the culmination of the events over the last few days – the utter shitstorm that the mission had turned into, the loss of Jenkins and Nihlus, ending with the knowledge that the only person she had ever _really_ loved had been ripped away from her without a damn thing she could do about it.

Or maybe it was just the idea that she would never hear Deccus’ subharmonics growling when he saw her after docking, that she would never feel the hardness of his plates against the softness of her skin, that she would never have the comforting presence of his forehead pressed hers. The idea that she had lost Deccus without fanfare or without even knowing.

The idea that he was _gone_.

Alice cleared her throat to dismiss the quiet sob that threatened to bubble up as the thoughts swam through her head, the headache she had had upon waking having amplified but she had barely noticed.

“Shepard?”

Alice recoiled at the sound of her name, almost immediately righting herself. She was in uniform, she was the XO. She had things that needed to be done, seen to. She could feel sorry for herself when no one was depending on her.

Letting out a nearly silent sigh, Alice plastered as neutral a look on her face as she could manage before she turned around to look at Kaidan.

“Lieutenant, did you need me?”

“I just…” he started, frowning. He sighed, “Jenkins.”

Alice steeled herself against her emotions and nodded, “Yes. It’s a shame we lost him, he was a good man. I’ll see to it that he gets sent to his family and is given the appropriate burial.”

“I’ve just never lost someone, like that, you know?”

She nodded, feeling her eyes burning as she held back tears. “I understand. I’ve never lost someone under my command either, Lieutenant. But, as with all firsts, they have to happen eventually. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the life we live.”

“Are you certain you’re all right, Ma’am?”

Alice froze momentarily. She wanted to tell him just how _not all right_ she was. Instead, she offered a watery smile. “As all right as I can be, Alenko. Can I do anything else for you?”

“No, Ma’am. Thank you.”

“We’ll be docking at the Citadel before long. Make ready.”

“Aye, aye.”

* * *

Alice thought she was going to vomit. She could hear what Udina was saying, the bullshit anger that he was spewing about how she had cocked up the mission. She wanted to punch him in his smug politician’s face and then vomit on his shoes.

She hadn’t been back to the apartment yet. She hadn’t even eaten since she’d woken up – so she hadn’t eaten since that last protein bar before she’d blacked out on Eden Prime. She had a message from Zersa but she hadn’t been able to check it; she had had the time but she had not had the emotional energy. Either it would be condolences, or she would have to tell the woman herself. The idea of either of them made her stomach twist into knots.

She didn’t have the focus for the impending meeting with the Council but she had to get it, somehow.

Anderson cast a long look in her direction, no doubt due to her extended silence and uncharacteristically submissive responses to the human ambassador, before he followed Udina out and towards the Citadel Tower.

“You okay, Commander?” Ashley asked as Alice remained standing still when her superior had left the room.

“I just…I need a minute. You two, head over to the tower. I’ve got something I have to do, but I’ll catch you up soon.”

“Aye, aye, Ma’am,” Williams and Alenko replied in unison, tossing off a salute before they headed towards the door.

In the silence of the office, Alice closed her eyes. Taking in a deep breath, she reminded herself of who she was. The Alice that Deccus had loved wouldn’t be falling apart at the seams, she would be _tearing down the universe_ to find the man that had killed Nihlus, that had thrown everything into chaos.

The sooner she got this meeting over with, the sooner she could take care of everything else. She had arrangements to tend to, people to contact, and so many _things_ requiring her attention. She didn’t have a choice – she _had_ to press on.

 _Breathe, step, breathe, step, repeat._ All the way to the steps in the tower.

Alice stopped short, seeing two turians arguing directly in her path. She skirted them as best she could, halted only by a long-forgotten voice.

“Is _that…Shepard?”_

Alice suppressed her wince at the recognition, turning to look at the _very_ tall turian with lines of blue and a glowing visor over his left eye. She recognized him but only barely.

“C-Sec?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed. She couldn’t remember his name but the turian that had just left him had said it, hadn’t he? “Garrus?”

“ _You’re_ Commander Shepard?” he asked, the flare of his mandibles letting her know he was as surprised as he sounded.

“Last time I checked,” she smiled wanly before nodding her head in the direction of the officer that had left. “Are you the C-Sec officer looking into Saren?”

“I _was_ ,” he grumbled, his subharmonics a low growl. It hurt to hear them, so different but so similar. “I couldn’t find any solid evidence among all of the bullshit Spectre red tape.”

Alice felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her. This wasn’t good news. She already had an inkling of how the meeting was going to go, and it didn’t bode well for her. “We’ll get him eventually,” she offered in an attempt to make him feel better. She didn’t know if she believed it herself and it didn’t look like he did either. “I’ve got to go, headed to a meeting with the Council. See you later.”

“…Yeah, see you later, Commander.”

* * *

It went about as well as Alice had expected – a little worse, maybe, because Udina was a complete ass. Something about Saren rang very deeply wrong with Alice but she couldn’t put her finger on it and, more than that, no one really cared.

Udina was pissed because she had ‘ruined her chances’ at becoming a Spectre by _letting_ Nihlus get killed. She was inching closer and closer to the moment where she would snap and set her fist to his jaw, but she steeled herself against it by pressing her nails into her palms and reminding herself that it wouldn’t _solve_ anything, even if it would feel **damn good.**

“I have some personal things to attend to,” she frowned as she looked at Anderson, “but I’ll put in the leg work when I’ve finished. The officer that was on the case, Garrus Vakarian? I’ve met him before. He seemed just as upset that Saren was getting off easy as we are. I’ll see if there’s anything else I can find out while I’m looking for him.”

“Sounds good, Shepard.” He hesitated, glancing in the direction Udina had gone. Kaidan and Ashley stood behind Alice with their eyes averted. “Are you-”

“Yes, Captain,” Alice cut him off with a wince. “I am.”

“All right,” Anderson cleared his throat before he nodded at her, taking his leave.

“Lieutenant, Chief…see what you can see. I’ll meet you at the entrance to the embassy in two hours. Understood?”

“Aye, aye, Ma’am,” they chorused before leaving her by herself again.

The long walk back to the apartment she had shared with Deccus felt like a facsimile of a death march. Her hand shook as she entered the code, the door sliding open.

It was pristine. It usually was when she returned, whether he knew she was coming or not. It looked exactly the same as it had the last morning she had been there. So much so that she half-expected to see him walking out of their bedroom without a stitch of clothing on.

Her heart constricted in her chest as she tossed her bag to the floor by the door.

_Step, breathe, step, breathe._

Nearly an hour after arriving in the apartment, more tears spilled, Alice had settled onto the couch she had commented on one afternoon which led to Deccus buying it the day after.

Bringing up the interface of her Omni-tool, she checked her messages.

The one from Zersa was, in fact, condolences – an offer of a friendly shoulder, of assistance if she needed it. It took her another fifteen minutes to reply.

She had messages from Deccus’ employer, from the hospital, and from a place on Palaven offering their services. How they had all gotten her information was revealed by the letter she had found on the coffee table.

_Alice,_

_I wanted everything to be as worry-free as I could. Everything is arranged, they are just awaiting your return to proceed._

_Stay strong, my love._

_Deccus_

Alice wasn’t sure when she would be able to go to Palaven for the funeral, but she knew she would make it work.

In a haze of forced numbness, Alice moved into the bathroom. Standing in the mirror with lipstick in hand, she traced the lines of Deccus’ face from memory over her own. She felt like she was broken; like something that was keeping her rooted in reality had snapped.

She considered, briefly, putting her fist through the mirror but instead, set the lipstick on the counter before moving into the shower.

If she ever wanted to see Deccus have a proper turian burial, she would have to take care of her work on the Citadel. The memories of things that had taken place in that bathroom, in that shower –

_Breathe, scrub, breathe, scrub, repeat._

Reminding herself to breathe seemed to be the only thing that worked and so it became a mantra. Whenever she started to think about Deccus, or anything other than the mission, she told herself what was important.

After a too-brief shower, Alice colored her lips again before she dressed in her light military-issue armor – the gray reminding her of Deccus and making every movement painful. Standing at the door, she rested her forehead against it and closed her eyes for a long moment.

The taste of his mouth, the brush of his hands, the flicker of a mandible, the gold of his eyes, the white-gray of his skin, the sound of his voice, the hum of his laugh.

 _Breathe_.

Pressing her hands against the door, she pushed away from it before making her way back into the Presidium. Alice, the little girl that had spent so much time lying to everyone including herself, strode from the apartment that Deccus had insisted she add her name to and told herself she was strong with every step. Told herself that she was all right.

By the time she reached her team in front of the embassies, she almost believed the lies her mind played on repeat.

“News?”

Kaidan and Ashley shared a look before the latter shook his head a little. “Mostly just helped straightened out some communication issues amongst the locals. We did hear about a krogan that might be able to help us, works for someone called the Shadow Broker.”

Alice frowned. “We know where he is?”

“C-Sec, from the sounds of it.” Ashley replied.

“Right. I’m going to see if I can find Garrus first – I’d rather walk into C-Sec with an officer than without.” Alice sighed slightly, trying to decide on a plan of attack. Truth be told, her headaches hadn’t gotten any better since she woke up from the sort-of coma and she needed _something_. The med clinic in the wards, something she remembered from its proximity to Flux, was probably her best bet. “Let’s head to the med clinic in the Wards. I’ve got to get something for this headache or I won’t be much use to anyone.” Smiling wanly, Alice nodded once before she led her team to the transport and they made their way across the Citadel.

Some minutes later, the three of them entered the clinic. A blur of movement, and the doctor was being held at gunpoint.

“Seriously?” Alice muttered, head throbbing as her hand glowed blue. “You try and fire, and that bullet will go straight through your brain. One bullet has nothing on a fleet of batarian ships.”

That was a _bit_ of a stretch and she knew it, but the goal wasn’t necessarily to be _truthful_ with the criminal element threatening her way to relief.

The man opened his mouth to respond and ended up with a bullet between his eyes. Without a second thought, Alice threw the other two men in black against a far wall and noted with some remorse that neither of them stood up again.

All said and done, she turned back to see a familiar face lower a scope. “Officer Vakarian?”

“You can call me Garrus,” he replied, sliding his weapon onto his back.

“That was one hell of a shot,” she grinned at him briefly before she looked to the doctor. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, thanks to all of you.” She rubbed at a small blood spatter on her cheek. “Is there…is there something I can do for you?”

“Well, first you can tell me what those men wanted. Then you can give me something for a headache. A lot of something, preferably.”

The doctor, who introduced herself as Dr. Chloe Michel, moved to get the headache medicine as she spoke about who the men were and why they were there.

Garrus echoed her sentiments and extrapolated a bit – confirming the information Kaidan and Ashley had given her about the krogan, whose name was Wrex. Alice popped the gel straight into her mouth, the bitter taste barely registering it as she swallowed it straight down.

Making a face, she grabbed out a small can that contained an energy drink and guzzled it. The taste wasn’t much better, but it didn’t feel like paste on her tongue.

“If you’re okay, then, doc, we’ll be going. What do I owe you?”

“You saved my life, Commander Shepard. I think I can spare-”

“I don’t deal in favors,” Alice smiled, bringing up her Omni-tool to transfer credits towards the doctor – far more than would be necessary. “Use it for someone else. I imagine they’ll need it more than I do, doc.”

“Commander,” Garrus started as the three humans without medical degrees moved towards the doorway.

Alice stopped and smiled at him. “I’m not your CO, Garrus. Call me Alice, or Shepard. Whatever makes your little turian heart happy.”

Garrus snorted in response to cover a laugh before he moved in line behind them. “Whatever you say, Shepard.”

“ _Better_ ,” she tossed a grin over her shoulder before they made their way to find Wrex, Fist, and the quarian.

* * *

All said and done, Alice should have been happy or proud or _something._ She was the newly-instated CO of the Normandy, the first human Spectre, given leave to chase down Saren. She had successfully _not_ punched Udina and introduced three new aliens to an Alliance vessel.

But she was just _tired_.

She told Joker they were going to Palaven before anywhere else – she sent word to Zersa to let her know, and contacted those she needed to so that the procession might begin. Deccus’ body had been transported back to Palaven for preparations by the time the Normandy had docked at the Citadel, another fact that made her ache.

Alice wandered the ship, inspecting the beautiful intricacies of Deccus’ last and most important gift. He had no way to know for certain she would be stationed there, not really; but it wouldn’t matter if she hadn’t been. The _idea_ of it was enough.

“Shepard?”

The redhead turned to see Garrus approaching from behind her and she offered him a wan smile. “Hello, Garrus”

“I…heard that we’re headed to Palaven. Do you mind if I ask why?”

“You are always welcome to ask, but you may find that you don’t always like the answer,” Alice echoed the sentiment that Deccus had said to her some years before. “I…There’s no subtle way to say this without cheapening it.” Letting out a sigh, Alice leaned against the outside of the elevator, folding her arms over her chest. “I have just lost the most important person to me, in probably my entire life. His name was Deccus.”

“A turian?” Garrus asked, surprise evident on his features.

“Yes, he was a turian. He died while I was on Eden Prime. He…we’re going to Palaven for his burial ceremony. It won’t take the full day and…”

“I understand,” Garrus finished for her. “Do you…I could tell you about the service, if…uhhh.”

“That might help,” she shifted her eyes to look at the gray-blue turian; he was taller than Deccus, she thought. Not drastically so, but still taller.

“There are four stages. The cremation, which…you understand. The procession, to take the ashes to the mountaintop followed closely by the eulogy and then the feast.”

The look on her face must have let him know that the idea of most of that was less than pleasant to her.

“You’ll be able to leave the feast early, I imagine.”

“No,” Alice shook her head. “I wouldn’t miss it, regardless. That’s…sort of how we met, anyway. Why do you think there’s so much dextro on the ship already?”

“I assumed it was left over from Nihlus,” he replied, looked a little taken aback. “You mean you eat dextro food, Shepard? How are you not…I don’t know, dead?”

“I ask myself that a lot,” she laughed – a hollow sound compared to what it used to be, but still a laugh regardless. “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you sometime. I’m going to go prepare for the landing. We should hit Palaven soon. You want to visit family, you’re welcome to. I think everyone else is staying onboard, what with the radiation and dextro foods. Tali doesn’t seem to want to leave the drive core.”

“You said Deccus? What’s his clan name?”

“Abiso.”

At that, Garrus’ mandibles did something Alice had never seen before – a sort of rapid flutter, tight close, and then wider open. His subharmonics sounded _sad_.

“I didn’t know he had passed. My family will be at the funeral. I can…I can show you where to go, if you like.”

“I wouldn’t mind it,” she replied with a weak smile. “See you at the airlock, then, Garrus.”

“You got it, Shepard.”


	13. The Rain Was Fire but We Were Wooden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More for you, my dears! I hope I'll be posting again this week.
> 
> My friend has been harassing me about killing Deccus. I thought I left my phone charger at work and he said I could only borrow his if I brought Deccus back.
> 
> As I mentioned in a comment, the next few chapters will be predominately character-centric to build up who everyone is and how they fit. Most of the events of ME1 will be quite similar to those in the game, so I'll be glossing over a lot of it.
> 
> If you have any specific requests, please let me know!

Alice had done enough research on her own to know that white was the appropriate color to wear when they landed on Palaven. Garrus had changed into a suit of white - where he has gotten it, she had no idea. Alice wished whole-heartedly that she could wear one of the dressee Deccus had liked rather than her suit, but the radiation on Palaven would make it far too dangerous. She had taken enough precautions so that she could remove her helmet for most of the day and only get mildly sick. Her insistence at such a thing was not questioned by Chakwas, who had prepared the med bay for her return.

When Garrus and Alice stepped from the Normandy, they were barely ten feet onto the planet before she removed her helmet and let loose the contents of her stomach.

"Shepard?" Garrus approached, alarmed.

She held a hand up to keep him back as she assured herself she was fine, standing and wiping her hand along her mouth. She grimaced as she saw the swipe of red from her lipstick. Making a face, she downed an energy drink - kept on her person at all times for her biotics - to rid her mouth of the taste. "Is there a bunch of lipstick all over my face?"

Garrus looked at her hard for a moment before he touched her chin beside her mouth.

Scrubbing at it with her palm, she withdrew the lipstick and reapplied it.

"I'm fine," she offered, offering him a wincing smile. "Nerves. I went through N7 training without a hitch but fucking funerals."

Garrus snorted a little. "I thought the radiation had gotten to you already. I won't tell a soul."

"Good man," she grinned a little queasily as they moved on. "My face isn't covered in lipstick, is it?"

"The red stuff? No, I think you got it all."

"Deccus liked it," she explained although he hadn't asked. "It's the same color as his clan markings. It's important."

Garrus hummed a response, not having the appropriate words. They walked on in silence for a little longer before Alice caught sight of two familiar faces.

"Oh, Alice," Zersa trilled, crossing the remaining few feet before pulling the human into an unexpected hug. "Is this right? I have seen humans do this."

Alice laughed and hugged her back, glad for the contact. She realized how little she had touched or been touched since she had last seen Deccus and felt the burn in her eyes agaib. "Yes...yes this is perfect, Zersa."

After a long moment, the two females separated. "Uh...this is Garrus Vakarian. He's joined my crew on the Normandy. Garrus, this is Zersa Acatis. And this is Rilak Enniion. They're friends of mine, we met on Elysium."

"During the Blitz?" Garrus asked as he greeted them each in turn.

Alice nodded. "I walked into Zersa's place for a bite before it went down. She keeps me in dextro desserts."

"You're a strange human," Garrus smirked and Alice replied with a sad smile.

"I'll share, if you're nice." she managed before clearing her throat of the emotion that threatened to spill over when she caught Zersa's gaze again.

"Are you...?"

"Not even a little bit," Alice half-laughed. "But...I have a crew on my ship waiting to go kick some ass. Besides, Deccus has been waiting too long already."

"This way," Garrus offered after a long moment, leading the troupe of them off to see the body before it went up in flames.

All mirth was erased from Alice when they arrived at the turian crematorium, Deccus' body laid out on a slab. She was, rather as she had expected, the only human. Garrus remained outside with Rilak, although Zersa insisted on joining her. Two turians in mourning clothes were waiting, one with coloring like Deccus and the other darker. The darker one was female, although both had the same markings as the one waiting for the flames.

"You must be Alice," the male stated, eyes scanning her. "Deccus mentioned you. You're shorter than I imagined."

"Velnus?" she asked, her voice quiet. Her love had mentioned his brother, with whom he had a distant but companionable relationship. The turian nodded. He looked at her for a long moment before extending his arm in greeting.

"It is good to meet you." His voice was strained as he continued. "Would that it were under better circumstances."

Alice couldn't form words. She let out a shaky breath, only nodding as she turned to look at Deccus' unmoving body. She looked to Velnus, who flicked a mandible in the direction of his brother and bowed his head. Alice moved forward, shaking hand extended. Before she could touch him, her knees weakened and she caught herself on the edge of the slab.

"You're not here to catch me any more," she whimpered as she pulled herself up. She felt an unfamiliar hand against her shoulder and turned to see the female - Tulea, Velnus' bondmate - at her back.

"We are."

Alice smiled through her tears and nodded slowly, slightly. Having her feet beneath her again, she looked back to the turian that lay waiting. "Is it...is it inappropriate to touch him?"

"This will be your last chance," Velnus responded, not offering a verdict on whether or not it was allowed.

Without waiting for further word, Alice reached her hand out and traced his clan markings. He was cold, but colorful - unlike the hologram she kept up, still, in her quarters. She had gathered what pictures she could and moved them onto the Normandy, not willing or able to let him go.

Leaning forward with her eyes squeezed tightly shut to fend off her tears, Alice laid her forehead against his. A sob escaped as she lifted up, pressing a kiss where her head had rested. The imprint of her lips remained, even as his body was moved into the flames.

When they exited the building onto the street, it seemed to Alice as though half of the colony had amassed. Velnus had been given the urn, which now housed Deccus' remains. He stopped when the sun beat down in them and rested a hand on Alice's slight shoulder.

"You may not have been his mate in the way that Tulea is mine, but it is plain to anyone with eyes what you meant to each other. Please, carry him in death as you did in life."

To say Alice was surprised as Velnus bowed his head to hers and handed the metallic container into her hands would have been a lie. She was, however, no more surprised than those that had gathered.

In shaking hands she recieved Deccus, clutching the large container to her chest. When their turian embrace ended, she could see the tears in the eyes of her beloved's brother and whispered a thank you before he led her, at the head of the procession, to the mountain of the dead.

Alice felt like she was trudging through water and tripped more than once, holding the canister against her as if loosening her grip would cost her her life. Zersa and Rilak followed behind the family at an appropriate distance - Alice had lost track of Garrus, although he was not far behind with his own family.

When they reached the peak meant for such things, Alice turned to Velnus for him to take the lead.

"Now is the time that we say goodbye to a good man. Deccus, my brother, was many things to many of us. To me and to many, he was a voice of reason. His mate, for that is what she was regardless of oaths spoken, is with us today. Alice, is there anything you would like to say?"

The human had anticipated this - it was common, even among human funerals although she had attended few. When she opened her mouth to speak, her voice cracked with emotion.

"Deccus Abiso was everything to me. He...he saved my life, over and over." Velnus had taken one side of the urn at Alice's behest and the two of them approached the edge of the cliff. Upending the urn so that the ashes were scattered on the wind, she spoke once more. "Goodbye, my love. May you find rest with the Spirits."

"And may you watch over us in death as you did in life," Velnus added as the last of the ashes drifted away from them and, together, they released the container that had briefly held the man that had brought them together.

The entire procession was silent for several moments before Velnus lifted his gaze back to Alice, hand on her shoulder once more. "I would be honored if you would take my side at the feast, Alice."

Unable to form the words to respond, she merely smiled sadly and nodded before they made their way back down the mountain.

By the time they made it to the banquet hall, decorated in the red of Deccus' clan, Alice could feel the sickness from the radiation creeping into her veins.

The feast began as a solemn affair before those that had memories of Deccus shared them. Alice listened intently and made an effort to remember the stories that were being shared.

At the behest of Velnus, Alice shared her own story. She managed, if only barely, not to cry through the whole thing. There were only a few stories that she felt she wanted to share - too many of them were too personal, regardless of who she was telling them to.

When the evening waned and Alice knew her crew would be getting restless, she made her goodbyes and promises to write and return to those that asked it of her - namely, Rilak, Zersa, Velnus, and Tulea.

As she and Garrus, who had briefly introduced her to his family, made their way back to the Normandy, Alice let out a sigh heavy with emotion.

"Shepard...Can I say something?"

"Go ahead, Garrus."

"I am sorry."

Alice stopped some feet from the Normandy and looked up at the tall, blue-eyed turian. "Me too, Garrus. Me too."

The ship was quiet when they boarded, for which Alice was thankful. The radiation sickness had her half leaning against Garrus until they reached the med bay.

Once her system was flushed, Alice left with little to-do and made her way back to her quarters.

In front of the door sat a large arrangement of flowers - she couldn't tell what kinds, as she had never had much interest in the things.

'Commander -

There are never the right words to say in this situation. On behalf of the crew, we are sorry for your loss.

The Normandy'

Alice only smiled as she hefted the too-big bouquet, disappearing into her quarters as Joker shifted the ship into orbit.

"On to the next," she whispered in the relative silence of her cabin, eyes on the hologram of Deccus as she let it fade.

After her customary six hours of sleep, Alice roused and readied for the day. They would be scouring the Artemis Tau cluster, as that was the last known location for the asari doctor they were searching for.

Joker had slept while she and Garrus were planetside, taking another nap as the ship coasted after jumping via the mass relay. While the ship was coasting, it ran on a ghost crew. Alice liked people well enough, but she was still raw. She found that she enjoyed the relative silence and solitude.

She found herself on the lower deck, where the Mako lived while they were in the "air", so to speak. Alice had never so much as driven a car before, although she had had a crash course in the vehicle's operations during her N3 training.

Knowing that the crew would rouse shortly, she climbed into the vehicle to keep herself locked away. She could hear any relevant communications but would be able to embrace the solitude a little longer.

When Joker came across the comms to announce their descent onto the first planet, Alice snuck out of the Mako and made her way back to reality once more.

Planet after planet, they dropped to the surface and scoured ruins, deposits, and crashes. Planet after planet, they came up short on one asari scientist.

This went on for days, travelling from one solar system to the next in the cluster.

On the fourth day, Alice was getting annoyed.

"Commander?"

It was Ashley.

"Yes, Williams?" Alice halted, turning to look at the other woman.

"Permission to speak freely, Ma'am?"

Alice groaned. "I'm not sure how many times I can say this to the crew, but you don't need permission to speak unless we're in the thick of it. Right now, it's just you and me. What do you need, Ash?"

The other human nodded abruptly, relaxing just a little. "I wanted...I was wondering if I could talk to you about our tagalongs."

"Speak plainly, Chief. I don't have the patience for riddles today."

"The aliens, ma'am."

"We are aliens, strictly speaking."

"This is an Alliance vessel, though, Ma'am. Them having the run of it. I don't like it."

The redhead listened intently to the brunette's words. Despite the fact that she nodded along, Alice's face reddened and she took a step closer to the other woman; Ashley was taller than Alice by several inches, probably a few years older than either her real or pretend age. It didn't matter, though.

"I have no room on this ship for speciesism, Williams. You were requested because you're a good soldier and you had my back on Eden Prime. If a krogan can work with a turian, you can work with whomever I assign you. Understood, Chief?"

Ashley seemed surprised by the response but nodded after a moment of stunned silence. "Aye, aye, Ma'am. You tell me jump, I ask how high. You tell me to kiss a turian, I ask which cheek."

Despite herself, Alice snorted an almost-laugh. "I may very well ask you to do things that put you out of your comfort zone, Chief, but I don't think that'll be necessary. Did you need anything else?"

"No, Ma'am. You trust 'em, I trust 'em."

"Good to hear. Wrex, Garrus, and Tali are here as our allies. This ship was made under the guidance of one of the best turian engineers the Citadel had ever had. If we can't trust our friends, who can we?"

"Friends, Ma'am?"

"Yeah, Williams. And play nice."

Alice walked away, back towards the stairs that would lead to the bridge. On her way up, Kaidan was on his way down.

"Oh, Commander...I was looking for you."

Alice raised an eyebrow at him, leaning against the railing to the side. "I get it. I'm your CO. But seriously, Kaidan? How long have we known each other?"

"A long time, Ma'am." The small smirk at the edge of his lips was missed by the redhead.

"You're going to make me feel old, Alenko."

He laughed a little, taking up a spot on the wall near her. "I'm thirty-two Shepard, I know a little about being old."

"Thirty-two, is it?" Alice sucked her teeth as if this was a problem. "Have to retire your old bones soon, then."

Kaidan laughed again, running a hand back through his hair. "Still some fight left in these old bones, Ma'am."

"Alenko. The next time I hear that word out of your mouth when we're not in front of others or in uniform, I am going to pop you the mouth."

Surprise stretched across his features, followe by the hint of a blush before he laughed once more. "Aye, aye, Shepard."

"Better. Now. What did you need?"

"I just...I wanted to check in with you. You've been pushing hard the last few days."

"You worried about me, Alenko?"

Kaidan smiled slightly and shrugged. "Yeah, well. I just...a lot of shit has gone down in the last week and a half. I've still got Jenkins on my mind, and now we've got this whole new mission. And then there's the others on board."

"Maker, Kaidan, if you have a burr up your ass about the 'aliens', I'm going to direct you to Williams and let you two commiserate about what a terrible human I am."

He shook his head, frowning. "It's not that, Shepard. I don't have a problem with any of the aliens or anything. I just know it's got to be strange, you know? Especially for some of the crew. And you having to deal with that? Yeah, I just...well, I just wanted to know you're okay."

She wasn't, not really. It had been five days since she'd scattered Deccus to the winds of Palaven, and only a few more than that since she has learned she lost him. She was leading her crew on a wild goose chase for an asari scientist that didn't seem to want to be found, and it was really starting to piss her off.

"Thanks, Kaidan. I'm...well, I'm managing. Is it obvious?"

He shook his head, hand inching closer on the railing but stopping short. "Ahh, no. No, Ma----Alice. Shepard. Commander." The blush was clear on his cheeks and she managed only to snort instead of laugh out-right. "No, I just...I've known you a long time, like you said."

* * *

"Motherfucking geth," Alice cursed as they crossed Therum. It was hot and she was angry. She was tired and she was sick to death of the robots by then. They had managed to clear the refinery and were on they're way across the planet.

"My sentiments exactly," Tali chorused as they bumped along in the Mako.

Garrus made a noise and Alice spared him a glance.

"What's your problem, Vakarian? You're looking a little green around the gills."

"Have you ever driven before?"

"The last...five days?" She grinned at home before flooring it - which wasn't nearly as impressive in the Mako as it could have been in another vehicle, but managed to make the three non-humans in the vehicle respond drastically.

Wrex, who seemed mostly okay, let out a low laugh. "As much as I enjoy watching you mess with the turian, I would like to make it back to the Normandy in one piece."

"Ahhh, and I'd like some ice cream," Alice snorted as she clipped a boulder on Wrex's side.

"...it is going to take me a year to fix this," Garrus grumbled from the passenger seat.

"You'll have a few hours, anyway," Alice replied, still grinning as she looked out in front of them. She wasn't happy and she was barely even holding on to 'okay' more often than not, but she was managing.

* * *

The Mako was not made for five people, especially when two of them were either almost too tall or too wide to fit to begin with. If they had all been human-sized, it might have been a more comfortable fit.

It was a good thing, then, that they needed immediate extraction. Alice sent the four aliens off in the Mako before taking off at a run - the Normandy was incoming and the ruins were collapsing. Before they even left the tunnel, she was barking orders.

"Wrex, you drive. Get them out of here as fast as you can. Garrus, you can yell at me later about the state of the Mako. Tali, Dr. T'Soni - high-tail it into the Mako. Don't ask questions, just go."

"How are you-"

"Vakarian, what did I just say about questions? We don't have time for this."

* * *

As Alice found her footing in the airlock, she rested a hand against the wall and caught her breath. The rest of the crew was already waiting in the comm room for the mission debriefing.

When she was allowed back onto the main floor of the ship, Alice detoured to the mess to grab a bottle of water before jogging back up to the comm room.

All said and done, the Council was going to give her a coronary.

"What was that back there, Shepard?" Garrus asked when the room was full of just those that had been planetside. Alice had had Joker called up the rest of the ground crew - Kaidan and Williams - to join them to rehash what had happened.

"Are you questioning my command, Vakarian?"

"I'm questioning your suicidal run across a collapsing planet."

"I had to make a call. I made it. We're all alive, aren't we?"

"Yes but-"

"Garrus. Drop it. You want to talk, we'll talk. But we're going to do it alone. Understood?"

The turian let out a noise of disapproval and folded his arms over his chest. Alice watched the annoyed flicker of his mandibles before the door opened to reveal the other two human members of her ground crew.

After relaying the information a little more colorfully than she had for the Council, Liara made her an offer.

The good doctor knew about Protheans. Knew more than Alice could hope to, at least any time soon. The images in her brain weren't doing the human any good - so, she agreed.

"You trusting-"

"Williams, if I hear another word out of your mouth you'll be on latrine duty for a year." Alice shot a scathing look at the other woman before she turned back to Liara. "If this kills me, I'll haunt you forever." The small smile she flashed betrayed her.

Liara didn't seem to understand the joke but pressed on anyway.

* * *

Alice was getting really tired of passing out. More to the point, waking up in the med bay didn't have the best of memories for her. With a grunt, she sat up too fast - like always - and threw a hand out to try and steady herself.

It ran into the warm shoulder of the good doctor.

Well.

'Good' being relative.

"Liara," she croaked, shifting her hand a little to help herself stand with the assistance of the asari. "Are you okay?"

The look Liara wore was equal parts sad and surprised. "I...yes, Commander Shepard. I am mostly tired. And you? Dr. Chakwas said that you should be all right."

"Just the normal headache," she replied with a wince. "Although I'm a little...out of sorts, I suppose. Also. I'm not your commander. Alice, or just Shepard is fine when we're alone."

"It's understandable." Liara smiled softly as Alice found her feet. "I would...I would like to speak to you, Shepard. I am still making sense of the images that you shared with me...but you should know that I saw more than I think you intended."

Alice huffed a little. "I don't think I'm prepared to talk about that yet. Just...don't go spreading my secrets, eh?" She smiled a little at the blue woman. "But...You've eaten and rested, correct? You're sorted? How long was I out?"

"I...yes, thank you, Shepard. You were only unconscious for an hour. Dr. Chakwas was able to look me over and determine that I am all right. I was impressed with her knowledge of the asari."

"She's a good woman. Have you been given a place to bunk?"

"I was...hoping, if it is amenable to you and the doctor, that I might remain here."

"Is something wrong?"

"Your...crew does not seem to approve of my being on the ship. I do understand, but it is not comfortable."

"My crew follows my orders, Liara. If you wish to bunk elsewhere, they will listen. And if anyone gives you any trouble, tell me." Alice frowned a little, rubbing her temple. She was beginning to understand why so many species thought poorly of her own.

"Shepard...why...Not that I wish it to change, but why are you so trusting of me? I imagine it has more to do with my connection to Benezia than my species, but you seem not to mind."

"You haven't given me a reason to doubt you yet. You said you had a feeling about the cycle, about the Protheans? Well, I've got a feeling about you. So far, I've been able to trust my feelings. Until the day I'm proven wrong about them, I'll continue to do so. When you're feeling up to it, let me know what kind of sense you've made of the visions from the beacon. We've got work to do." Alice rolled her head on her shoulders before she moved to leave. "Like I said, anyone looks at you sideways, you let me know."

"Yes, Commander."

Alice rolled her eyes a little before she smiled at the asari and made her way back into the bowels of the ship.

So much to do, so little time.

But first, she had a certain insubordinate turian to deal with.

It didn't take her long to track down Garrus as the ship propelled through space to the next goal. He was, as she had anticipated, halfway under the Mako.

"Vakarian," she barked. This was followed almost immediately by the clanging sound of something hard hitting metal - which was followed by a curse. Alice snickered as Garrus' upper torso and head appeared, hand rubbing his forehead.

"Yes, Shepard?"

"I don't actually mind you questioning my decisions, but I do mind you doing it in front of the rest of the crew." Alice bent at the knees, bringing her face closer to level with his as he sat up. "So. Let's not do that again, okay?"

Garrus' mandibles betrayed his annoyance but he nodded.

"Good. Okay. So, you were saying my decision was wrong. Now. What would you have done differently?"

He looked at her very intently for a moment, as if trying to determine whether or not it was a trap. Sighing a little, he sat up fully and resting his back against the Mako. Alice plopped onto her bottom and folded her legs, leaning her elbows on her knees as she looked at him. "You're the commanding officer and the only reason this mission is happening. You could have died and if you had, the mission would be in jeopardy."

"All right, Garrus. I understand your reasoning, but I'm still waiting for your solution."

"Letting any one of us take your place instead. Or getting in the Spirits-damned Mako."

Alice sucked in a deep breath, letting it out in a quiet stream. She seemed to be contemplating her words very carefully. When she had chosen them, she looked back up to his face and held his gaze. "I'm only going to tell you this once, Garrus. No one on this crew is less important than I am. I will never willingly leave someone behind, and certainly not to save myself. If I had spent the time to cram into this thing, we would've all been dead. You heard Joker over the comm. Ten seconds more and we would've all been swimming in lava."

It took Garrus a long time to respond, at which point he frowned in his turian manner. "You very nearly died."

"It is not the first time and I highly doubt it will be the last. Now. Get this baby working again, we'll be planetside before long." Alice grinned at him, hoisting herself to her feet again.

She thought, although she might have been imagining things, she saw a flicker of a smile cross his features. "Yes, Commander."


	14. She Laughs Like God, Her Mind's Like a Diamond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blegh. I am not happy with this, but it's what is happening. Onward and upward. Thanks for reading, leaving kudos, commenting, and all of the lovely things you do to show your appreciation. Hoping to update over the weekend again.

Things weren't good, but they were better. Every day in the Normandy, since finding Liara at any rate, seemed to be bringing Alice more back into reality. She was nowhere near okay but it was slowly becoming easier to fake it. She managed to keep her Commander face on outside of her quarters. Inside, she held Deccus' picture to her chest and rested her back against the headboard of her bed. 

They ran small missions for a little while, Alice determining how each person fit into the teams. She tended to take Tali and Garrus for most missions, occasionally a fourth depending on what kind of resistance they expected. Her limited knowledge of tech was assisted by Tali's presence and Garrus was unrivaled with a sniper rifle. She tried to bring Kaidan or Ashley when feasible - his biotics were impressive but redundant in some situations. She needed more firepower than he afforded her and they were left holding the bag if anything needed hacking. Tali tried to teach Alice when the redhead had the time to spare; it was fortunate that she was a quick learner, but all her pretty words couldn't charm a door to open. 

One run, which was meant to be fairly innocuous, Alice chose to bring Ashley and Garrus. It was meant mostly to be a supply run; finding sites for probes to dig when the Council deemed it safe to send teams. They ran into a group of pirates and things went south quickly.

"Shit, shit, shit," Alice hissed from her cover; the bullet hadn't gone through her armor because the barrier had slowed it, but she could feel the welt forming on her shoulder. "Ash, Garrus - you guys good?"

Nothing.

"Vakarian, Williams, Maker damn it, answer me."

Radio silence. 

Alice groaned as she replayed their last positions in her head. Garrus had been closer, Ash moving farther up to get a more advantageous position for her fighting style.

Surrounded in the blue of her replenished barrier, headache already niggling at the base of her skull, Alice ducked her head out from the broken pillar she was crouched behind. 

A spray of bullets rushed by her and Alice took a brief moment to find the hunk of blue armor where it should have been.

She could see the lump, fortunately not under further attack at the moment, hissed as she ducked back. "Williams, Vakarian - you answer me right now or so help me, your mothers won't recognize you when I'm done."

More of the same.

"Fucking **hell** ," Alice grumbled. She pulsed out her barrier before throwing herself forward. Bullets rang against the barrier up until she slid in beside the turian, feet connecting with his side.

She tended to his wounds as best as she could, forcing medigel down his throat and slathering it on the parts she could reach.

"Vakarian, can you hear me?"

Garrus smacked his tongue around his mouth, making a face at the bitter taste before Alice shoved his helmet back into his hands. 

"I need your help. Ash is closer and there's no way in hell I'll make it without some kind of cover fire. Are you good?"

He shook his head a little to dispel the haze that had settled over him. Locking his helmet back into place, he readied his rifle.

"I've got you, Commander."

Alice threw up another barrier and set a singularity to distract the too-large group despite the full-blown migraine blurring her vision. She found, after taking another hit to the leg that she knew would leave a nasty bruise, that Ashley was not where she had left her.

"Williams. Answer me."

Nothing.

 _Of all the times in the world for people to get silent,_ she thought as she readied her pistol. Her hands were shaking and it just made her angrier. Pushing up from cover, she fired shots into the mass of pirates being held by the dying biotic feat. 

When Alice saw Ashley, the redhead nearly screamed. She was _fine_. She had moved to another, closer bit of rock and was firing at those that hadn't been caught up in the singularity.

"Gunnery Chief, if you don't respond to me right now, we'll be dropping you off at the Citadel."

"Busy, Commander," came the terse reply.

" _Fuck_ your **busy**!" Alice yelled through the comm, managing more headshots than she thought she was capable of. The rest of the pirates dwindled down to nothing and Alice stalked from her spot to where Ashley had come to standing.

Neither of them saw the last man - but Garrus had. A bullet flew between the two women, directly between the eyes of the last criminal.

"Thanks," Alice muttered without looking for the turian. When she brought herself up to Ashley, it was all she couls do not to grab the other woman's helmet and shake her. "Williams. What in the _fuck_ was that?"

"I had to take a minute. Needed to-"

"Is there **ever** a fucking reason not to respond to your commanding officer, Williams?"

Rather than backing down, Ashley stepped closer. The redhead didn't think the other woman could hear it, but Garrus' subharmonics had started at her side.

"You went to _him_ first," Ashley growled, casting a perturbed glance at Garrus.

"...If you have a point, I suggest you make it. I am about **done** with your bullshit."

" _I'm_ fucking _human_! You risked your life for an _asari_ on Therum and now for this _turian_ -"

"Williams," Alice didn't need to raise her voice; the tone in which she spoke brokered no disagreement, no continued argument. "Gunnery Chief Williams. You are to report back to the Normandy immediately. There, you will promptly remove your head from your ass. When you've done that, I’ll come find you. If I hear a single word out of you before then, you will be off this mission indefinitely. _Am I_ _understood_?"

Ashley, who looked no less pissed off than she had been, nodded once. When she stalked towards where the ship might reach her, she clipped Garrus' shoulder on the way. It took every ounce of responsible thought in Alice not to use her biotics to throw the woman the rest of the distance.

"Shepard," Garrus started and Alice turned her head but not her body. 

"Not now, Vakarian. You need to get back to the ship too. Dr. Chakwas should look you over. My field medic training is entirely lackluster."

Without another word, Garrus turned to follow some distance after Ashley. Alice sat herself on a smaller piece of ruin and removed her helmet, surveying the destruction they had wrought.

Inhaling and exhaling deeply a few times, she considered what had happened. 

It had made the most sense. She wouldn't have been able to make it to Ashley first, not without any kind of cover fire. She had _needed_ Garrus to get to her. 

More than that, though - Ashley hadn't responded. From what Alice could see, the woman wasn't injured. She had intentionally not responded when Alice had checked in. Multiple times.

The redhead felt her blood boil, clicking her helmet back into place. "Joker. I'm heading back. I want the comm lines open and the ground crew in the comm room when I get there."

Joker was quiet for a moment; Alice still sounded every bit as pissed as she felt. Eventually, though, he replied: "Aye, aye, Commander. Normandy out."

Alice let them stew. She returned to her quarters and showered before changing into her uniform, swinging by the medbay to get something for her headache and bruises. She took her sweet time getting to the comm room. Kaidan, Liara, Wrex, Tali, and Garrus seemed relatively confused. Ashley looked fit to be tied.

"Joker, open the comms to the rest of the ship, please."

"Aye, aye."

Alice cleared her throat and stood at the head of the room, hand clasped over wrist behind her back. "Good afternoon, crew  - this is your Commander speaking. I am aware of some… _concerns_ regarding the make-up of those aboard this ship. It pains me that I have to address this issue and, more than that, it just plain pisses me off." She shot a look to Ashley but made sure it was subtle, unlocking her hands and moving them to her hips. She considered for a moment changing her tactic but decided it was the best avenue, as far as she could tell. Taking in a deep breath, she began her speech calmly. "Blue is my favorite color. I will wear red lipstick until I die. I eat dextro foods as much as levo. I had never met someone from another species until I was stationed on the Citadel. I don't like the color yellow and my favorite food has always been chicken nuggets."

Alice paused briefly, the shaking from her earlier rage all but dissipated. "What I mean by all of this...why am I telling you things that don't seem important about who I am? Because they _are_. **This** is who I am. Not **what** I am. Yes, I am human. I am a human commander for the Alliance. There's nothing wrong with being human, but I am so much **more** than _just_ my species. We **all** are. We are **all** in this fight, to stop Saren and maybe something bigger than that.” Alice paused again, rolling her head on her neck before she looked to find the man that had helped her learn more about biotics during her initial training on the Citadel. “Kaidan, what's your favorite color?"

He flustered briefly, eyes widening a fraction before he replied, "Red."

Alice shifted her gaze to the asari. "Liara, what about you?"

The scientist looked surprised at being addressed but managed to murmur, "I quite like green."

The human looked to the turian. "Garrus?"

"Blue," he replied with a cocked eyebrow plate.

Alice hesitated before she turned to the krogan warrior. "Wrex?"

He looked like he wanted to say something else but let out a gruff, "Red."

With a small smile, the commander of the Normandy slid her gaze to the quarian. "Tali?"

Although she was expecting it, Tali seemed to need to think about her answer. "I...hmm. Pink?"

Alice grinned. "Ash?"

The dark-haired human was quiet for a time before she let out a long sigh. It was almost as if she didn’t want to admit it. "Pink. I like pink too."

The redhead nodded once, taking a brief turn about the room. "Okay. Who wants to share something about themselves?"

"This doesn't-"  Alice shot Wrex a scathing look. The human was surprised when he slowly closed his mouth.

"I like flowers," Tali offered quietly. The Alliance commander sent another grin her way.

"I like Canadian lagers." Kaidan smiled.

Joker buzzed in. "I like comic books."

"Anyone else?" Alice looked around the room, hands down at her sides.

"What's a 'chicken nuggets'?" Liara asked.

Alice laughed. "I'll make sure we get some when we make it to the Citadel."

"They're _awful_ ," Kaidan made a face, chuckling. 

"They are not!" Alice rolled her eyes. " _Snob_. **Anyway**." She cleared her throat. "Crew, I wanted to bring you together so that we could all see, human or not, that we're still all... _us_. Individuals, regardless of what species. We're _all_ aliens. And we're all in this _together_."

Alice paused, intentionally not looking at Ashley when she continued. "If anyone still has a problem with how I run my ship, I'll help you find a new posting when we dock. No questions, no hard feelings.  But the ones that want to leave are the ones that _probably_ need to stay. But if you **do** stay, I don't want any more speciesist bullshit. I am **sick** of it. We're all on the same side here. That doesn't mean you have to _like_ everyone. You have a problem, you talk to me. You don't want to talk to me, talk to your XO. If you don't want to talk to him, then you're on the wrong ship. Shepard out."

Joker cut the comms and Alice turned to look at her ground crew. With her hands on her hips, she looked from each face to the next. "You all are meant to have my back out there. More than that, you have to have **each** **other's**. I need to know, **right** **now** , if this is going to be an issue. If you can't stand up to me in front of each other and tell me you're done, then you better collectively get your heads out of your asses and work together. I'm not your mother and I'm sick to hell with having to act like it."

The room was silent enough to hear a pin drop. 

"Good. I better not hear another Makerdamn word about fucking _aliens_ on this ship unless it is a funny joke. And I mean _really fucking funny_."

Alice waited another minute, just in case someone had something to say. When no one was forthcoming with questions or commentary, she made her way from the comm room. Instead of using the system again, she made her way across the bridge and to the cockpit.

"Joker, we're going to head back to the Citadel for some shore. We've scoured this edge. I think everyone deserves a break."

The pilot turned to look at her for a long moment before he quirked his lips in a smile. "Aye, aye."

With that done, she rocked back on her heels and stood in silence for a moment, looking out the large glass-like front window of the ship. "Hey...what kind of comics do you like?"

"All of them. Huge fan of robots," he replied, looking up at her.

"You ever read Junker 5000?"

Joker's face blanched momentarily before he shook his head. "Nah, never could get my hands on it."

"Huh. Well. It's a good line."

"That so, Commander?"

Alice just smiled, resting her hand on the back of his chair briefly. A moment longer and she turned without another word. On her way through the ship, she brought up her Omni-tool and sent a ping to Lisistra, asking for her help to acquire all 72 issues of the short-run comic before the week was up, a case of Canadian lager, and a flowering plant that could survive on the Normandy.

Deccus had left her the means and had taught her that wealth meant little if you didn't have anyone to share it with. Alice had never had a real family but if she was going to be stuck saving the world on a ship full of people, she'd make one.

On the trip back to the Citadel, she did as much recon work as she could to find out little things or not-so-little ones that might boost the spirits aboard the ship. Not a single crewmember asked to be reassigned by the time they docked, something that made her damn proud.

Ashley had not approached Alice to discuss anything that happened - the commander hoped this meant that everything was copacetic. Alice would still need to address her insubordination, but that could wait. She had a feeling that the gunnery chief would fall in line.

Wrex, however, was not entirely satisfied.

"Pretty words," the krogan interjected as he stood in the doorway to her quarters. The Normandy had docked and most of the crew had already left.

"What?" Alice asked, turning from where she had been packing a small bag. 

"What you said after the last mission. A lot of pretty words about us all being the same. You're wrong though. We're not."

"Didn't say we were," she corrected as she sat down beside her bag, gesturing to the bed and then the desk chair. Wrex moved into the room but didn't sit. "Granted, I said we're all aliens and we're all on the same side. But that's about it. Our differences are what make us better. A team full of me wouldn't survive ten minutes."

“Don’t know about that,” he replied in his low, gravelly tone. “You’re…well, you survived this long.”

“Yeah, I guess I did. But that doesn’t count for much anymore. Too much surviving left to do, to be doing it on my own.”

“Huh,” the krogan expelled a brief bit of air before moving back towards the door. “It was a good speech. A little flowery for my taste, but…not bad, Shepard.”

“Thanks, Wrex,” Alice grinned, zipping up her bag before she threw it over her shoulder. “I’ll try to tone down on the _pretty words_ next time around.”

“See that you do.”

If she didn’t know better, the commander would have thought the krogan almost, _sort of_ smiled. 

* * *

Returning to the apartment was only slightly less difficult a second time. It felt entirely too empty without Deccus there, taking up half the damn hallway.

Settled on the couch with a glass of red one in one hand and familiar music on loud enough to drown out the memories, Alice closed her eyes and tried to make sense of everything. She was doing much better than she had been in the wake of her loss, even though her headaches had come back with a vengeance. They had found Liara, who was more help than not. The next step was to find, she thought, Benezia. At least that was her _plan_ for when the shore leave ended.

Alice spent the first two days of her leave in much the same way – doing very little aside from drinking. She considered that she deserved the time to grieve, as she had been afforded little leeway in the face of tracking down Saren. They were awaiting information on where Benezia might _be_ – the crew was told no longer than a week, but be ready to leave with twelve hours’ notice. It wasn’t really possible to get to many places fast enough to make a difference, she figured; why not let them enjoy themselves for a little while. She didn’t know when they’d get the next opportunity to do so.

On day four of their leave, she finally managed to wander out into the Citadel. She dressed in civilian clothes – a pair of jeans and one of the many shirts she owned with little to no coverage of her midsection. It felt strange to her to be bare with no large turian hand covering her skin as she walked. She didn’t mind the fashion all on its own – she could’ve worn a nightshirt, or one of Deccus’ that she hadn’t seen fit to get rid of yet, or even gone and purchase another one in her uniform if she minded overly much.

Instead, she made for a restaurant that she and Deccus had never ventured to. She considered briefly going to one of the places they had visited on the few occasions they ventured out for dinner together but decided it would be too much. If she was in the apartment, she could cry. She had to stop herself when she was on the ship, when she was in public. Even if she wasn’t recognized as Commander Alice Shepard, first human Spectre it still wouldn’t do her any good to break down crying in the middle of a restaurant. She did doubt she would be recognized by too many people , out of uniform with her hair down and makeup on. That was, genuinely the only reason she had applied it, as a sort of camouflage in hopes that she would be even more difficult to recognize.

It was a bar of sorts. Not quite Chora’s Den but not Flux either; a ‘quiet’ little place in the Wards that thrummed with music and the bodies dancing all around. It was mostly aliens, at least from the cursory glance she had afforded the place. Too many humans would up her chance to be recognized and that was the last thing she wanted.

Alice leaned over the bar top, hand and hair obscuring her face from once side as she lifted her drink. She wasn’t surprised when someone sat beside her, the clink of something glass setting on the metallic bar near her following the squeak of the stool adjusting to her mostly-hidden side.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

The redhead nearly choked on the mouthful of sweet liquor she had taken but managed to swallow it before she slid the glass towards the bartender, tilting her head in the direction of the man that offered her the drink.

“Sailor here says he wants to buy me a drink,” she grinned at the bartender as she lowered the hand that revealed her profile. “You buying a lot of drinks tonight, Kaidan?”

When she turned to look at him, tapping the bar to make sure the request hadn’t been ignored, his face was nearly as red as her hair.

“ _Com-_ “

“I swear to the Maker, if you finish that thought I will pour this drink over your head and make sure no woman in this bar will touch you with a ten foot pole for the foreseeable future. Understand?”

“Aye-”

“ _Alenko_ ,” she hissed, shoving him gently in the shoulder. “I’m just Alice here, or you can walk away. But if you stay on that stool, I’m just Alice and you’re just Kaidan. Understood?”

She was surprised when she felt him lean a little closer – not too close, but enough so that he had to put an arm nearly against hers on the top of the bar to anchor himself.

All he said was “yes” before moving back and taking a swig of his own drink, in a tall brown bottle.

“So what kind of strings are attached to this drink?” Alice asked as she picked up the squat glass, taking a sip before she tipped it toward the bartender with a wink. She turned her attention back to Kaidan, noting that his eyes flicked up to her face.

“Just…uhh…conversation. It’ll be nice to get to know you, _Alice_. Huh. That sounds strange."

“Your own fault. I’ve been telling you for _years_ to call me that.”

“I don’t…” he paused, rubbing his chin. The unfamiliar noise of skin against three days’ of beard growth caused Alice to shift her eyes to his fingers. “…uhh. I didn’t want to blur the lines. Regs and all.”

Alice turned her eyes to the ceiling before she let out a sigh. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not look for a court martial but sometimes...sometimes we just have to be people. And right now, we're just people. You want me to be your commander, I'll see you on the ship. I get what you're saying and trust me, Kaidan, I'm not about to blur those lines in the field. But the whole world is a little blurry right now."

"Yeah, Alice. I get it. Bottoms up?" he smiled slightly, offering his bottle to clink against her glass.

"Aye, aye," she grinned behind the rim of her drink.

Throwing back a goodly portion of her drink, she lowered it to her thigh before she turned about on her stool and rested her back and one elbow against the bar.

Kaidan turned about to face the same direction, "It's been a pretty wild ride, huh?"

"My friend, it's barely started," Alice shifted her green eyes to look at him and found herself smiling. Friend. That was nice. "But let's not talk about that shit, deal?"

"Whatever you want, Shep-....whatever you want."

"Whatever I want, huh, Kaidan? What are you doing, sitting here with me when I'm fairly certain there's a few people here that wouldn't mind using you for whatever they want." The redhead grinned at him, letting out a laugh when she saw his cheeks color.

"I...uhhh..hadn't realized it was you, at first," he managed, cheeks burning.

For whatever reason, the knowledge that he had come up to her in an attempt to hit on her had completely escaped her. When his words and meaning dawned on her, she felt her own cheeks grow warm. Shaking her head, she let out a slightly nervous laugh. "Point taken. But that doesn't mean you have to stick around, if you'd prefer more...ehm...active company."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" The almost-smirk Kaidan wore did something strange to her insides and she took a drink to ignore it.

"Nah, just want you to know you're off the hook. No hard feelings here if you want to chat someone up you can take home for the night. Life's entirely too unpredictable to not have what little pleasure we can find in it. Assuming, of course, all parties are cool with the pleasure."

Kaidan looked at her for a long moment, long enough that Alice felt heat in her cheeks again. "Sometimes I forget how young you are."

She froze briefly before she realized that he meant the age he knew, not the one she was. In reality, she was just barely twenty-two. As far as he knew, she had recently turned twenty-four. "Oh, the gray isn't showing?"

Kaidan rolled his eyes, taking another swig from his bottle. "So tell me something, Alice."

"What do you want to be told?"

He shrugged, turning to set his empty bottle on the bar and order another. When he turned back, he looked at her with that same smirk. "Why chicken nuggets?"

Alice let out a long laugh, swirling the remnants of her drink around in the bottom of her glass. She shrugged a little herself before finishing her drink. "Not sure, really. Probably some nostalgia or something. Why Canadian lager?"

"Nothing better," he responded with a tip of his bottle. "This isn't bad, though. But uh...probably has something to do with sitting on my parents' porch in Vancouver, drinking with my dad."

"Oh, Canada, our home and native land," she started the anthem before dissolving into giggles. "I remember you telling me about some of your time there.”

“Have you ever been to Vancouver?”

Alice shook her head, twisting around to deposit her empty glass on the bar top. She didn’t need another. She wouldn’t _mind_ another, but she could feel the tingling warmth of tipsiness through the roots of her hair. She had had enough.

“Can’t say as I have. From the sounds of it, it’s quite a sight.”

“Nothing like looking out at the stars,” Kaidan huffed a little, sounding far-off.

“Yeah, I’ll agree to that."

The two of them slid into easy silence before conversation struck again, stories of their lives before the Normandy. They chatted until Kaidan was just on the sober side of drunk and Alice could feel her exhaustion in her little toes.

“You need help getting home, Alenko?” Alice yawned around her question as they made for the door back to the Wards.

His reply was so mumbled as to be unintelligible while he leaned a little against her, more than he would sober unless he had been wounded. Alice rolled her eyes as she pushed back into him, moving him towards the transit station.

“You didn’t really drink _that_ much, LT,” she grinned surreptitiously as she loaded him into the car. “Get home safe. See you when we ship out.”

“Nnn…Dinner?” Kaidan asked, the words only barely audible.

“It’s almost breakfast time,” she shook her head a little, ensuring that his arms and legs were tucked neatly in where they belonged.

“Breakfast, then,” he repeated, nodding as if she had agreed to something. Alice watched him with a cocked brow and stood back, folding her arms over her chest as she watched him speed away.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she turned away from the speeding train-like contraption and took the long way back.


	15. Blessed With Beauty and Rage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long and that it's short. Buttttt there was a part of this that wouldn't get out of my head, so I had to build the rest of the chapter around it. Hope everyone is still enjoying it!

Alice received a ping the next afternoon - what she had drank had dissipated over the course of her sleep, leaving her mouth dry but her body otherwise uninjured. 

**Alice - Sorry about last night, don't know where my head got to. I'm not really...I'm not that kind of guy. But if you ever want to get breakfast, I'd be happy to take you. -Kaidan**

Alice smiled to herself, shaking her head in the deafening silence of her too-big apartment. 

_Kaidan, don't apologize. No harm, no foul. Breakfast sounds good. Your place or mine?_

Alice waited a minute for a response that didn't come. She had showered and dressed, made herself some disgustingly strong coffee, and read through the information she'd been sent on Benezia. She was still working on connecting the dots and it was taking too much time. 

A ping sounded at her wrist and she brought up the interface.

**I'm in rented rooms, the kitchen is a shoebox. I can bring the goods if you've got the space.**

The redhead snorted out laughter before she froze. She hadn't really thought about inviting him when she had done it. 

She and Deccus had, on very rare occasion, had company. The place was perfect for entertaining but they were a mostly private couple. Some of his coworkers had come by for a dinner twice, that she could think of. Zersa and Rilak too, and Juniper and Demetrius one other time. Griggs had slept in the guest room on a night layover at the Citadel.

Alice had never had someone in the apartment without Deccus. She had never really had someone to _have_ over.

With a slight tremor in her hand, she sent off a reply in the form of the apartment's address. It took her several moments of staring at the sent message to get up from her spot on the couch and turn on music; it was some of Deccus favorite. She felt strange and maybe a tiny bit uncomfortable as she opened all the blinds, showing the stars. The lack of sunlight had always been a curious thing to her but the view was spectacular.

When Kaidan arrived, he knocked. Alice hesitated too long before she opened the door. Kaidan's face flushed and he smiled at her a little self-consciously, a reusable bag of groceries in one hand and a small bouquet of flowers in the other.

 _At least_ , she thought, _they aren't red roses_.

Kaidan shifted a little awkwardly, his small lopsided grin not fading entirely. "Almost thought I had the wrong place."

Alice smiled sheepishly and moved aside to usher him in. "Nope, sorry. Anyway, come on in. Kitchen's this way."

Leading him through the apartment to the spacious kitchen, she felt her heart pounding harder than was necessary. It was probably a bad idea, but she needed to move forward. Making friends, or in the case of Kaidan maintaining friendships, was a good place to start. 

"I uh....these are for you," he held out the bouquet, depositing the bag on one of the open countertops. Alice thanked him as she took the arrangement of blue flowers, none of which looked familiar to her, before scrounging up a gray-white vase made of twisted glass Deccus had owned before she moved in. "This is a really nice place."

"Oh, I should give you a tour," Alice faltered, realizing she was being a terrible hostess. She gestured for him to follow her. "And thank you. It was Deccus' first. I started staying during leave on ICT and then I just kind of...ended up here."

"I didn't..." Kaidan halted, both in speech and step, somewhere behind her. "I hadn't realized you two were..."

"We were. For a long time. It wasn't official for a while, but I think we both knew something was up when he was there when I woke up after the Blitz. He was...he was _so_ _good_ , Kaidan." She gave him a watery smile, looking away briefly as one hand came to clasp the bullet necklace she still wore. Her capris showed off the anklet she had never taken off, and the shirt she wore was another of those that her turian lover had so adored. 

"I figured he was why we went to Palaven, but I didn't know that he was...quite **that** important to you. I'm sorry. Are you...?"

"Okay?" she finished, trying to smile. She shrugged a little as she took a turn after the bathroom, leading him back toward the kitchen. "I'm getting there. It's only been a little over a month, but we don't really have the luxury of worrying about ourselves most of the time."

"I don't...really know what to say. I didn't know him very well at all, but I...It's not the same, but I..." 

Kaidan paused a minute when they entered the kitchen. When Alice started the process of making breakfast - the first levo food prepared in that kitchen - Kaidan eventually started talking again. He shared the story of his time at brain camp, the girl that got away, and the first person he ever killed. It wasn't the same and they both knew it, but the friendship that came from sharing the hard facts of life flourished in a dead turian's kitchen. 

Their conversation shifted eventually to happier things - shared experiences and stories the other hadn't heard. When Kaidan eventually left, Alice found herself looking at a particularly favorite picture of herself and Deccus. She smiled, keeping her gaze steady for a long time.

It wasn't okay, but it was **better**.

The day before they were set to leave, Lisistra had all the goods Alice had requested arrive at the docking bay that held the Normandy. Without assistance, Alice set about depositing all of the gifts where she knew everyone slept or in their lockers. It felt a little like Christmas, or what she knew of a holiday celebrated by some of the Alliance officers. 

When the call came for everyone to return to the ship, Alice was already plotting a course into the galaxy. In the wee hours of the morning at the end of their leave, she had finally managed to put everything together. It hadn’t given her a specific location, but at least somewhere new to start looking.

After everything had settled and Joker had set course, Alice found herself in the mess. She hadn't taken responsibility for the gifts in any noticeable way but she had received more than one thank you from various members of the crew. Kaidan and Liara had gone out of their ways to find her and thank her profusely. 

The latter had asked if Alice had a moment.

As it so happened, Liara had seen more than what the beacon had deposited in her mind - enough to know more of Alice than she shared with most, but not enough to put Alice in danger of discovery for her lies leading to her acceptance into the Alliance. 

The redhead was glad to know that the asari didn't hold what she had discovered against her - predominantly her relationship with Deccus - and settled in to eat a ration by herself.

It was there that Garrus found her, looking... **confused**.

"Shepard."

Alice turned her head to look up at the blue-gray turian, holding in one hand a modification for his visor and in the other a custom sniper rifle.

"Garrus?" she replied, raising an eyebrow. It was a feat to keep the smile from the edges of her lips.

"These are from you." It was a statement, not a question. She nodded anyway, answering as if it was the latter. He continued. "Why?"

"Because everyone needs a bright spot. Besides, you're my favorite." She grinned, sitting back from her plate. 

He trilled a little, one eyebrow plate raised in question. “You’re _favorite_ , Shepard?”

“S’what I said, isn’t it?” she laughed a little, standing from her chair and bringing the reusable tray over to the sink to wash it. “Don’t go telling everyone, though.

 “Don’t let Williams hear you say that.”

“Actually, we have Ashley to thank for this after a fashion. That whole debacle before we took leave got me thinking. We spent _so much time_ on this ship together and I could tell you what everyone could _do_ , but hardly anything about them beside that. I think it’s important for me to understand the people under my command.”

“Well. Thank you, Commander.”

“For fuck’s sake, Garrus, the next time you call me ‘Commander’-”

“It’s hard. Being a turian. We’re very…”

“Regimented. Specific. I know. I spent the better part of the last four years almost entirely in the presence of a _very_ specific turian. I got him out of the habit. I’ll get you yet.”

A flicker of his mandible that Alice _knew_ was a smirk. “I never was a very good turian.”

“It’ll be much easier then, I wager.”

* * *

After the third side mission she was being requested to run, Alice was beginning to feel like the Alliance’s errand girl. They had been planet-jumping anyway – searching for clues, finding mineral deposits and crashed probes – so it made sense when Hackett gave her tasks to complete in the name of the human military. But that didn’t mean that it couldn’t _also_ make her skin itch. 

It wasn’t obvious to most of the crew that she was on edge; she was good at hiding it, for the most part. The gifts she had handed out without prejudice had garnered her more appreciation and her general handle on things granted her more respect. Williams stopped complaining when she wasn’t asked to join, although Alice still tried to rotate out her ground crew as best as she could. The Commander preferred to bring Tali and Garrus for most missions because of the skillset they brought to the table, although some missions required a different set entirely. For things that seemed like a general run, she didn’t pay much attention to the make-up on the team and just brought along whoever hadn’t been out in a while.

While it may have proven less frustrating to pair certain people and avoid pairing others, she refused to kowtow to childish prejudices or disagreements. Certainly, she had preferences in regards to people for their personalities – everyone did, most especially anyone that was human – but she refused to let it color her opinion outside of that of a commanding officer and her subordinates.

She liked Garrus; she liked his no-nonsense attitude when it was required and his sly humor when it was allowed. He wasn’t smooth on the rare occasion he was given reason to be so, but he had a strange, awkward sort of charm. He was a pleasant companion, on and off the field of battle.

She was growing to like Wrex, the more he allowed her to know him. At first she was concerned about his strict warrior nature. It reminded her too much of a previous drill sergeant that she hadn’t gotten along with. He was funnier, though. She loved humor; it made the dark times almost bearable.

She liked Kaidan; he had an upper-hand over anyone else aboard the ship, save perhaps members of the crew she had served with under Anderson. Still, though, she had known him much longer – had been through more, had more memories. It was nice to have a past with someone, especially for Alice; she had spent many years avoiding making ‘friends’ unless they could help her accomplish her goals  - she hadn’t intentionally let Kaidan weasel his way into her affections, such as they were, but it had happened nonetheless. She especially liked needling him into nervous laughter, that was perhaps her favorite.

Tali was an asset to both the team and the _Normandy_ as a whole – she would also keep Alice in stories for days. She didn’t shy away from any of the Commander’s questions and, in turn, asked her own. The redhead considered her a friend.

Liara was a strange case; most of the time, Alice at least tolerated her and at best liked her. She was kind if a little strange and smarter than most people the human had met. She seemed loyal enough, although not as eager to answer questions as she was to ask them.

Ashley, after the last debacle, was growing on Alice. Prior to putting her in her place, the shorter woman had little appreciation for the Gunnery Chief. Alice felt like she had a permanent chip on her shoulder, which was something the orphan had little to no time for. Since that conversation, they had formed what Alice would consider a tenuous alliance – perhaps even a friendship, although she wasn’t sure if she would qualify it as that yet.

She made an effort to spend as much time with each member of her ground crew as she could, while not entirely ignoring those that remained on the ship. She quite liked spending time with Joker specifically; he always made her laugh.

Alice found herself gravitating towards Kaidan more often than some of the others, perhaps because of the familiarity of him. It didn’t hurt that he was familiar with the Alliance as well as biotics – more to the point, _her_ biotics.

“You know,” Kaidan said as they sat in the crew’s training center, Alice’s back to the wall and her front facing Kaidan’s. “…scuttlebutt says our resident Prothean expert is sweet on you.”

Alice rolled her eyes and dropped her head back against the wall behind her. “…Scuttlebutt _also_ says I eat dextro because I’m carrying a turian baby.” Stretching her back, she knocked her knuckles against her lower abdomen. “Nothin’ in here.”

Kaidan’s cheeks colored; whether it was because of the position that jutted out her chest and revealed a thin strip of skin along the top of her pants or because of the implication of how she would’ve made a turian baby, he’d never tell and Alice wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“You seem…a little out of sorts. You all right, Alenko?”

“Yeah, Commander-”

“ _Alenko_ ,” she warned with a smile.

“ _Shepard_ ,” he amended, looking sheepish. “It’s just…uhh. I worry about you.”

“What about this situation worries you, then?”

He stammered a little and then sighed, shaking his head. He lifted a hand and scratched the back of his head. “You’ve come a really long way, Shepard. I’ve known you for a long time. I just don’t want…the rumor mill to hurt you. When someone is…special to you, you make a habit of watching out for them.”

Alice’s eyebrows lifted further up on her forehead and she folded her arms over her chest. She intentionally glossed over the use of the word ‘special’ in favor of trying to avoid any awkwardness. “Thanks, Alenko. It’s nice to have someone to watch my back, you know? I’m glad you’re here with me.”

The look that flashed quickly across his face worried the Commander briefly as it simultaneously caused a strange, queasy sort of sensation in her stomach. It wasn’t unfamiliar but it felt incredibly out of place.

“I am too, Alice.”

* * *

 

The trip to Noveria would take some time, so the crew aboard the Normandy went about their business as best they could while they waited to traverse space. One such instance of ‘business’, however, set the Commander’s teeth on edge.

Kaidan and Liara asked to speak to her, alone. What in the name of the Spirits was going on?

Begrudgingly, she did so. Dressed in a relaxed version of her uniform, Alice stood at ease but not without a look of frustration barely masked on her freckled features.

“What can I do for you two?”

“We…need to talk. The three of us.” Kaidan started and Alice could already feel the itch of annoyance at the base of her skull.

“This is a rather…awkward situation,” Liara continued, glancing from Alice to Kaidan and back again. “I may not fully understand the dynamics of human relationships, but I understand the concept of jealousy.”

Alice sucked in a hiss of a breath, eyes narrowing as she looked from one member of her crew to the other. She remained silent.

“I’m not jealous,” Kaidan retorted, muscles in his jaw working as he looked from the blue woman to the redhead. “I thought we had something, ma’am.”

Red erupted behind Alice’s eyes and she took in a sharp breath through her nostrils. Her hands dropped from behind her back and she forced them into her pockets to keep from clenching her fists.

“I didn’t realize you liked other women.”

“I’m not, strictly speaking, a _woman_.”

“But you—“ Kaidan stopped, sounding perhaps a quarter as frustrated as Alice felt. He let out a sigh. “That’s not the point. The point is that we need to know, you know…What you want, Commander.”

It felt a little like heartbreak; more like a splintering. She cared for Kaidan – she cared for Liara, as well, although she didn’t think in the same way. Kaidan meant much to her, especially in the wake of her loss. But this? This was damn near a betrayal.

“What I want?” Alice spoke, her voice far more even than she had anticipated. Alice rolled her head on her neck and then her shoulders, turning from them to pace. “You have chosen these days between traveling to what could be one of the most beneficial leads in our fight against Saren to discuss with me _what I want_? All the while, both of you are aware of what I have lost and not so long ago.” She stopped and turned to look at them again, glancing from one to the other. Her fingers felt cold in her anger. “I want you both out of my sight until we dock. _If_ I had an _inkling_ of romantic inclination for either of you, I promise you it is gone now. For future reference, don’t back the object of your affections into a corner.”

Kaidan looked as though Alice had punched him in the gut and Liara looked equally as put-out.

“I am more disappointed than anything,” Alice sighed, shoulders drooping a little. “Both of you have expressed your desire for my friendship. This isn’t _friendship_. You gang up on me and expect me to express some sort of undying love for one of you because you feel like I _owe_ it to you? Like I _owe_ you my affection for showing you kindness, because you’ve decided you have your sights set on me? Off the record – fuck you and your antiquated sentiments about affection. Now get the _fuck_ out of my sight.”

When they left her in her quarters, the door closing behind both of them, Alice thought she was going to break a tooth by how hard she was clenching her jaw. She breathed through her nose, her face bright red as she tried to calm herself. She had _probably_ been a little out of line, but they were all fairly lucky she hadn’t hauled off and punched either or both of them.

She kept time in her head, making sure that both of them would theoretically be long gone before she dared to leave her room again. Finally, she moved with purpose throughout the decks – nodding to anyone that called her name but refusing to stop.

When she made it to the Mako, she checked her surroundings before letting herself in. When the door was closed she let out a heavy breath before she bent double and buried her face in her hands.

As much as she and the Mako didn’t get along planetside, it seemed to be the one place she could hide with impunity.

She was _furious_ – she was angry that two people that spouted appreciation for her would try to _force_ her into something. Certainly she had felt the stirring of a sort of deep appreciation for Kaidan; she had found him attractive when they were training together on the Citadel and then had fallen in love with the dashing turian. While she was still very much mourning the loss of her not-mate, she did acknowledge the truth of what _could have been_ her feelings for the Canadian officer. In that moment, though, she wanted little more than to slap him across his too-attractive face.

Rubbing her face with her hands, she straightened out and rested her head against the back of the Mako’s seat.

“Spirits take you, Deccus. If you hadn’t died on me, this wouldn’t even be an issue,” she grumbled to herself.

She jumped, letting out a very un-Commander-like squeak when a knock sounded against the side of the vehicle. With little fanfare, Garrus’ face appeared as the passenger door opened.

“Shepard?” The flutter of his mandibles suggested surprise, perhaps concern. “Is something…are you all right?”

The laugh that she let out was a brittle and hollow. She could tell by the movement of his brow plates and mandibles that she had not helped quell his worries. “Nothing is all right, Garrus. I’m falling apart at the seams and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. And we _still_ don’t know where in the Makerdamn universe Benezia is.”

“You look pretty solid to me,” he replied, prodding her gently in the shoulder with a knuckle rather than a talon. The flick of his mandible was a welcome sight; it was a sort of smile, she knew. “And you’ll find her, Shepard.”

“I feel like air,” she sighed a little, turning her head as it lay against the seat to look at him. “Like…when a balloon has lost all its helium, but the helium rather than the balloon. And I sure as shit hope so. And soon.”

“Good thing the ship is airtight then, isn’t it? Can’t go floating off quite yet.”

“Damn,” she managed to grin sideways at him before she turned her face forward again. They remained in companionable silence for several minutes before climbing out of the vehicle and resuming real life once once more.


	16. Did What I Had To Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! Sorry it's so short but I wanted to post before I went to bed and I...have to go to bed. It's kind of more of a half chapter than anything else. Hopefully I'll be able to get some more up later this week. 
> 
> Also, I'm not sure how to make pictures show up here but if you'd like to see a piece I commissioned (from username yuppies on tumblr, thank you!) of Alice and Deccus, follow this link: http://badwolfwarden.tumblr.com/image/161449199144.

Noveria was shit.

A big planet of frozen feces, in her estimation. It may have been partially related to the static hum of irritation beneath her skin that hadn’t dissipated from her earlier conversation with Liara and Kaidan, or more especially that she had felt it was only prudent to bring the former with her on the excursion. She had a viable excuse to exclude the other biotic; she wasn’t even thrilled about having two including herself for such a mission, but she wouldn’t feel right confronting Benezia without the asari.

Alice had considered requesting Garrus’ presence and knew well that he would manage but she didn’t like the idea of forcing him into such an uncomfortable climate if it wasn’t necessary. Yeah, sure, he’d be helpful – he always was – but Wrex could get the job done and wouldn’t put up with the puppy dog eyes from Liara any more than the commander was. However, as the three of them made ready to deploy Garrus caught them up.

“Can you use a fourth?” he asked, already suited and prepared as if he expected her to say yes.

Alice smiled at him – more of a smirk, really – and rolled her eyes slightly. “You just itching to get off the Normandy, Vakarian?”

A hum from him that she recognized from her time with Deccus made her smile and she shrugged, “All right. You’re already good to go, let’s get on with it.”

And so on they went.

More of the same, really; running around and making nice to get what she wanted out of people that could’ve really just _told_ _her_ what she asked instead of treating her like an errand girl.

The only pleasant break in the monotony of favor-gathering was one turian, settled in the bar away from the rest.

Glanna had told Alice that she might be able to talk to one Lorik Qui’in in this very location and sweet-talk her way into ‘borrowing’ his garage pass. He was no Deccus, but he cut a nice shape. She wondered, idly, if they had known each other; they were of a similar age and both had left the military to follow their careers. It seemed a little like speciesism to assume that they did but she couldn’t entirely rid herself of the thought.

She had sent Liara and Wrex in a different direction, telling them to ‘make nice’ with the locals or just twiddle their thumbs. She had a plan and they would, inherently, ruin it.

Garrus stiffened at her side before the low trilling sound from Lorik could even be discerned; by the time she registered it, she was already barely the distance of the table away.

“Well hello there. Why don’t you sit down, have a drink?”

Alice did sit, sliding her eyes sideways to look at Garrus until he followed suit. She leaned her elbows on the table and smiled brightly at the turian with white painted like the rays of the sun emanating from the center of his face. “Hello, Lorik. You _are_ Lorik, aren’t you?”

“That I am. And you, you’re the Spectre, aren’t you?”

“Alice Shepard, yes sir.”

Lorik made a noise like snorting and leaned back into his chair. The air of him reminded her of her lost love and it both hurt and made her smile. “Just Lorik will do fine. Sounds to me like you might have been looking for me. Now why would someone like you be looking for an old turian like me?”

“I’ve heard you could be of some use to me, Lorik. You see….I’ve got business elsewhere on Noveria but no real way to get there. Without a garage pass, that is.”

His mandibles flickered and the hum shifted a little. Garrus was still taut as a bowstring at her side, something Alice would have to ask him about later. Lorik looked a bit like he wanted to laugh. “That is…fortuitous.”

“I suppose you’ve got something you need done, as a trade?”

His eyes shifted to Garrus and his mandibles flickered again as his gaze found Alice once more. “As much as I would like to offer a dalliance as recompense, I _do_ have pressing issues.”

Alice grinned at him, heat in her cheeks as she registered his not-quite-overt suggestion. It wasn’t until she began to reply that she realized the offer wouldn’t have been extended to _her_. The thought almost made her laugh but she quelled the urge to do so and nodded a little. “Understood. Why don’t you tell me what I can do for you and the two of you can discuss the option for _dalliances_ when we’re sorted?”

Garrus spluttered beside her a little and Lorik’s mandibles flared out as he let out a laugh, coated in the flanging subharmonics of amusement. “Only the two? And here I thought you sent your other… _companions_ away so that we three might have a bit of fun.”

 _That_ was unexpected. His response made her cheeks bloom with color despite her best resolution not to react as such. At her sudden fit of apoplexy, Garrus let out a laugh of his own. Alice shot a discreet glare disguised as a smile in his direction before turning back to Lorik. “We’ll have to see if there’s time before we depart. But, for now…what can I do for you, Mr. Qui’in?”

The entire exchange made Alice feel strange as she left the turian businessman to go about and do his dirty work. She was more amused than anything by it and the conversation helped her to stamp down the anger she still felt bubbling beneath the surface at the way that Kaidan and Liara had cornered her.

As they trudged on, Garrus walked at her side. His mandible flicked in her direction as she turned to look up at him.

“Something on your mind, Vakarian?”

“Hmm? Oh, no.”

“You _sure_? I could probably spare you, if you’d rather-”

“Shepard,” he warned, to which she let out a bark of a laugh.

“Come on, Vakarian! He’s cute.”

“Maybe I should make the same offer. I think we three can handle ourselves if you want a _dalliance_.”

Alice snorted and glanced to the other side, back a little. Liara gave her a strange look but the human turned her attention back to her turian companion. “As much fun as I imagine a ménage-a-trois with you two gentlemen might be, I think I’ll have to pass for now. “

“Ah, damn,” Garrus replied dryly.

The redhead laughed again in response, moving her hand out to pat him gently on the arm. “Not to get your hopes up or anything but I never said it was _completely_ off the table.”

“You done flirting?” Wrex called as he moved around to her side. As Alice had thought nothing truly of the conversation, she merely shot Garrus a long-suffering look before grinning at their krogan companion.

“Nope,” she replied, popping the ‘p’ quite purposefully. “But I suppose I can postpone the inevitable for a moment to get some work done.”

Alice didn’t truly believe that there had been nothing on Garrus’ mind when she asked but she grew distracted in response to their banter and then their mission.

Despite the few moments of amusement and perhaps happiness, Noveria could go die in a fire for all she cared.

When they all made it back to the Normandy, she watched Liara go off to the medbay. Alice thought it might be best to give her some time before approaching her about the situation and, truth be told, the human wasn’t really ready for it.

Wrex was pissed and she knew it. Despite his general angry demeanor, she knew he wasn’t happy that she had let the rachni free. Per Garrus, she didn’t think the Council would be particularly thrilled either. She made her decision and she stood by it, even if the whole interaction made her skin itch.

Words of the rachni queen kept haunting her.

 _Songs the color of oily shadows._ Something about a yellow song? Something in space had turned their minds, their songs to something _wrong_. _Something_ had soured the songs of the rachni, or at least that’s what it sounded like to her.

And then… _the sky is silent._

It made her shiver as she stripped for her shower, intending to scald the day away in her quarters’ en suite.  

Resting her head against the shower wall, Alice grimaced as the heat woke up her nerve endings. She grunted and pressed her fist, hard, into the wall before pushing herself away and continuing the process of cleaning herself.

When she had finished showering and dressed, towel drying her hair as she exited the bathroom, she found an unlikely guest in her quarters.

“Garrus?” she raised an eyebrow as she lowered the towel, throwing it over her shoulder. “Is everything all right?”

His mandible twitched in the turian approximation of a frown as he stalked back and forth in the small space allotted between the door and her desk. “I…After everything that’s happened, I needed to talk to you about something.”

Alice nodded a little before excusing herself to put the towel away. She settled onto the edge of her bed, leaving a wide berth beside her before patting the space. “Sit. What’s on your mind?”

Garrus settled into her after some hesitation and it took a moment of silent prodding – which meant Alice settled in, breathing evenly and looked only at his profile – before he began to tell her about Dr. Saleon, a salarian geneticist that seemed to be more than meets the eye.

By the end of the story, with few interjections from Alice, the human was fit to be tied. Without even blinking, she spoke. “We’ll find him, Garrus. We’ll find him and we’ll make sure he can’t hurt anyone else, all right?”

Garrus turned a little to look at her, the blue of his visor illuminating her face slightly. His mandible nearest her twitched a little and he nodded once. “Thank you, Shepard. I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Give the information to Pressly and tell him it’s a priority mission.” Pressing her hands into her thighs, Alice stood and tugged her hair back to pull it into a low bun with the tie around her wrist. “I’ve got a meeting with a very disgruntled Council, an angry krogran, and a grieving asari.” Alice let out a sigh before she offered a tired smile to the other occupant of her room. “You want to watch a vid later? I brought some of Deccus’ collection with me. I bet you haven’t seen _Ante Meridiem_.”

Garrus watched her for a long moment while she spoke but perked up at her offer and the title. “You’ve got a copy of it? Yeah, I suppose I can put off my calibrations a little while longer.”

“Bring some wine and a ration of…something snacky. Whatever you like.”

“But I-…oh right. Yeah. I can do that.” 

“I’ll ping you when I’ve finished making the rounds and mending fences,” she grinned at him, smoothing the hair at the top of her head down a little as Garrus stood and followed her to the door. “Wish me luck, Vakarian.”

“Good luck, Commander.”

“ _Garrus_ ,” she threatened playfully, closing the door to her quarters behind them. “Keep that up and I’ll kick you out just before the end of the vid.”

His mandibles flickered as they split paths, “You drive a real hard bargain, Shepard.”

“It’s one of my better qualities,” she laughed, feeling lighter not for the first time in his presence.


	17. Try to Reach You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I did it! I wrote more! Okay. So my whole life has been turned upside down since June (broke up with long-term partner, moved house, travelled, new job, and moving to a new state) but I'm finding my feet and my words again. Again, written on my phone. I'm pretty sure I'm going to turn this into a series. Anyway! Enjoy! Please note, this whole thing differs pretty drastically from canon.

Alice rubbed the bridge of her nose distractedly as she walked from the comm room, groaning a little to herself as she tried to leave the air of frustration behind as the vidcon with the Council disappeared behind her. They were going to be the death of her, if her crew or Saren didn’t beat them to it. 

Now, to Wrex.

Rolling her head on her neck, she trudged through the ship to find the angry Krogan. To be fair, he didn’t seem any more upset than he normally did.

“Shepard,” he said gruffly as she approached. That was fairly normal. Maybe he wasn’t as pissed as she had anticipated.

“Wrex. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?”

Alice winced a little, sliding her hands into her pockets as she leaned against the wall beside him. “Because you were clearly not happy with the decision that I made on Noveria.”

“And?”

The redhead groaned a little, removing one hand from her pocket to rub at her face. “Okay, Wrex. Here’s the deal. I get that you don’t like the decision that I made. Intellectually, I understand. But I can’t  _ really _ understand, because I’m not you. I’m not krogan. But I need to know that we’re okay.”

He looked at her blandly for a long moment before he shifted, large eyes narrowing and relaxing. “Listen, Shepard. There’s no way in hell we’re ever going to always see eye to eye. I get it. But the thing is, you asked. You made a different decision than I would’ve and, from the sounds of it, then Garrus would’ve too. But you made your decision. You had your reasons. I don’t have to like ‘em but you did ask. So yeah, we’re okay.”

Alice let out a heavy sigh and smiled a little, smoothing her hand back over her hair. “Good. And Wrex, for what it’s worth, I hope you’re wrong about it all.”

“Yeah, me too, kid.”

The human commander offered him a sort of salute before she turned and started back towards the med-bay. She only hoped that her dealings with Liara would go as quickly or as smoothly.

It was not to be so. Nearly two hours after finding the asari scientist, who seemed more concerned with her most recent dealings with the human than her own mother, Alice dragged herself back to her quarters with a sour look on her face. Things were better, despite Benezia having died; amongst her crew, things were settling. She was still actively avoiding Kaidan and didn’t anticipate changing that any time soon.

Throwing herself on her bed, she took a few moments to breathe before she opened her mouth. “Hey, Joker.”

A moment and the pilot responded, “Yes, Commander?”

“Can you tell Garrus the movie is going to start without him?”

“What, you started a movie night and didn’t invite me?”

Alice grimaced a little, not having thought through using the comm system over her omni-tool aside from not having to lift her arms. “It’s a turian flick, thought we could bond or some shit.”

Joker snorted. “Aye, aye.”

She rolled her eyes before closing them, folding her hands over her stomach as her knees bent over the edge of the bed. She kept them closed even as the mechanical  _ whoosh _ of the door sounded and footsteps entered. 

The gait was quiet; turians as a general rule, and most definitely Garrus’, were near-silent in her experience. Despite their larger frames, they seemed built for soundless speed.

“Shepard?”

Alice weakly raised a hand and waved slightly at him before she let out a groan and sat up on the merit of her stomach muscles. “Sorry. I’m just exhausted.”

“You still want to watch the vid?” he asked, arms laden with a colorful bag of something she recognized as the turian equivalent of chips and a bottle of wine. Alice made grabby hands at him and he quirked a mandible at her, moving forward into the room. She grabbed both offerings and patted the bad beside her.

“Yeah, yeah. It’ll be nice to unwind.” After a moment of thought, she laid the snacks on the bed and stood, repositioning everything so that the screen would project in front of the bed. Kicking off her shoes, she climbed back onto the bed and rested her back against the wall along the side of it before gathering the snacks and hoarding them in her lap. Flicking a few buttons on the projected interface of her omni-tool, she pulled up the vid. “Come on and settle in, Vakarian.”

He seemed stiff to her, as if hesitant to climb into her mostly uncomfortable bed. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed his shoulder and tugged. “I'm not going to have my wicked way with you if you get comfortable, Garrus. You're making me feel like I'm doing something questionable.”

He snorted and found a space against the wall beside her, close but not touching as her hand returned to the bottle of wine in her lap. He'd already uncorked it and replaced the stopper; what a gentleman, she thought with a sort of half-laugh.

“More questionable than having a turian in your bed?” He chuckled a little and then his mandibles flickered as she held the wine out to him. “Spirits, Shepard, I didn't-"

“Garrus, I'm not the eggshells type,” she shrugged a little, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth to remove some of the purple stain that was left behind. “I haven't got glasses for it, so you'll have to share. And don't worry, your saliva isn't going to do me any harm.”

The turian bottle was different than a human made one, which Alice found interesting even if she'd seen it before. The mouth of it was at an angle, made for better pouring into a mouth that had no lips to catch errant drops. 

Garrus seemed to be taken by a fit of apoplexy at her statement, which made her laugh as she opened the chips. “And the good doctor has assured me your allergies are practically nonexistent. You'd need to ingest a lot of…” Alice paused, grinning. “I'm just pulling your leg, Garrus. You're fine. I'm fine. The wine is delicious, by the way, you should try it.”

“How?” He asked after a moment and Alice flicked at her wrist to pause the movie. She turned to look at him with a curious expression.

“I need a little more to go on.”

“How does it work?”

Alice blanched and paused momentarily before she let out a small cackle. “Well, when two people or more or less love each other or are just really horny-"

“Spirits, Shepard!” he jumped a little, eyes wide and mandibles flared. “That's not what I meant.”

“Well, what did you mean, then? Biotics? Television? Alcohol? Human anatomy? Because as much first-hand experience as I have with turian anatomy, I think you're still more like an expert than I am.” 

Garrus seemed entirely thrown off by the interaction so Alice swiped the bottle of wine from him to take a generous swig before nudging it to his mouth. “Come on, Vakarian. I find it difficult to believe you're scared of me. Ask your question.”

“I'm not even sure what the question is, Shepard. I just...I'm kind of in awe of you and this whole thing. You're...a force.”

Alice dropped her head back and laughed, snorting occasionally and her cheeks going red because of it. “Tiny but fierce?” she made her best fierce face before dissolving into laughter.  “Okay, okay...as flattering as that is, I still don't know what your question is.”

Garrus made a noise both with his mouth and low in his chest that made Alice stifle a giggle and also feel something deep in the pit of her stomach. She missed those sounds, regardless of how different the two turians in her life may have been. 

“You're young, it's pretty obvious. Not meant to be an insult, but even someone from another species can tell you're not even as old as Williams. You've done some pretty incredible things in just the past few years. You just lost Deccus a few months ago and from what I could tell, that was…” Garrus’ mandibles flickered and he essentially grimaced, “...hard on you. I guess I just want to know how you can be so...unwavering.”

“You're the one that found me falling apart in the Mako, and you think I'm unwavering?” Alice shook her head and took the wine back; she was going to have to stop soon. She didn't mind the idea of drinking on the ship, but with the headaches she was almost constantly fighting she didn't need to add to her physical discomfort with a hangover. “I am…” She took a deep inhale as she watched him down more than half of what remained in the bottle with a small smile and no shortage of awe. “There's a saying on earth, ‘by the skin of my teeth’. So, to answer your question, I am surviving by the skin of my teeth.”

“Humans have skin on their teeth?” Garrus asked, diffusing the situation a little. Alice laughed before grinning wide, opening her mouth and tapping at one of her front teeth.

Shaking her head, she smiled still. “Nah, it's an idiom. At least I think so. It's meant to suggest that one barely gets by.” Garrus seemed to be inspecting her mouth from behind the glowing blue of his visor, alien eyes narrowed and not leaving her lips as she spoke. Alice rolled her eyes at him a little. “Drink your wine and hush, this vid isn't going to watch itself.”

Alice opened the bag of turian chips and flicked at her omni-tool again, settling back against the wall with a small smile on her face as Garrus rested the crest of his head back as well.

When the commander opened her eyes again, she was mildly surprised to find that the most discomfort in her body was from a rather drastic need to pee. Secondary to that, her cheek was being pillowed by chords of steel.

Alice straightened her back and had the good sense to blush when she realized it was muscle encased in turian flesh, surrounded by Garrus’ civvie clothes rather than steel. His thigh muscle, to be specific. The movie had started to play over again, how many times she didn't know but could check if she really wanted to. Garrus’ head was cocked back, jaw lowered between gently fluttering mandibles.

One thing Alice had realized some time previously was that turians didn't snore. She wasn't sure why, something to do with how their nasal passages didn't connect directly to their throat or something. Like she had told Garrus, she was hardly an expert on turian anatomy. Garrus, who was currently sleeping sitting up in her bed. Garrus, who she had just been using as a mildly uncomfortable pillow.

Alice smiled a little and stretched, leaning back against the wall and watching the vid for a moment before a knock sounded at her door. She made a face and looked at the time on her omni-tool.

With a barely suppressed groan, she scooted to the edge of the bed. She tried not to jostle Garrus but figured he'd wake up as soon as the door opened anyway, it was the kind of person he had trained to be. She padded across the space and pressed a button at the keypad beside the door, which opened with a quiet whoosh to show none other than her lieutenant.

“Shepard?” Kaidan and Garrus said her name at the same time. Alice had the good sense to wince at the chorus of her name and the look Kaidan gave her when he heard the turian from inside the room. It wasn't hard for him to see the tall, blue alien seated on her bed with an empty bottle of wine cocked against his side.

“I…should go,” Kaidan shook his head a little. Alice considered stopping him but decided she didn't want to. Instead, she closed her door as he turned on his heel and moved back to her bed with a sour look on her face.

“It's none of my business but…” Garrus intentionally trailed off, an eyebrow plate raised.

Alice groaned and laid back on the bed with a poof of the blanket, knees bent over the edge. “It's none if my business either,” she laughed bitterly. “I don't even know what to do about him. I thought there could be something, when all of this was over. When I had time to grieve and we had managed to stop Saren. I've always thought he was handsome. When I let myself think about it back in training, I had a crush on him. But now?” Alice made a guttural-sounding groan of frustration and flailed her hand back, hitting his bony knee. She flopped onto her stomach and looked up at him. “He and Liara cornered me, before we hit Noveria. Wanted to make me choose between them.”

For his part, Garrus seemed mildly surprised that she was talking about the topic but he leaned down a bit, elbow on knee and chin on palm. Despite himself, he murmured a flanging, “And so?”

“And so I told them both to fuck off,” she grumbled, sitting up suddenly. The movement brought her closer on the bed to Garrus, still separated by a few inches. “I am  _ still  _ pissed at them for pulling that and if I wasn't the CO of this ship, I probably would've slapped the shit out of both of them.”

Garrus laughed throatily and Alice shot him a look. He grinned with his mandibles wide and low, “Sorry, the idea of you slapping both of them at the same time put an image in my head. So choosing between them left you with no choice but it seems like the lieutenant isn't satisfied with that. Or particularly happy about me being here.”

“One thing I can guarantee about Kaidan, his disapproval of you being here is entirely because you are not him,” Alice sighed a little, rubbing her eyes. “I suppose I'm going to have to talk to him eventually.”

“Probably,” Garrus replied with a decidedly human shrug, stretching out his long legs and arms. His mouth opened wide, revealing rows of too-sharp teeth as he yawned. “Did he and Deccus ever meet?”

Alice was a little struck by the question; so few people knew of him and even fewer used his name. She shook her head a little and her eyes found a picture of them on her bedside table. There was a frame there, a digital one, that scrolled through all the images she had saved in her omni-tool. She flicked through the controls and paused it on the current image, crawling across the bed to grab the frame. “Yes, a few times. Deccus called him Twitchy.” Alice let out a small huff of a laugh, fingers sliding over the image of the white-gray turian in the picture. It was a candid shot, one Griggs had taken without either of them realizing on the night she stayed over. They were standing apart in the kitchen, Deccus’ arm behind her. She remembered the feel of his hand pressed into her skin, beneath her N7 sweatshirt. She was holding a steaming cup of coffee and they looked at each other like they were the only two people in existence. 

“He  _ is  _ kind of twitchy,” Garrus replied with a flick of his mandible, a half-smirk. 

“Micro-movements,” Alice nodded noncommitally as she let the images scroll to different ones. Her heart ached as she looked through them, wishing desperately she could go home to him instead of an empty apartment. “Deccus explained it to me. He actually told me how to look for them, although my eyesight isn't good enough to detect a lot of them.”

“I don't imagine most humans can.”

“What was up with you and Lorik?”

Garrus seemed to be the one that was uncomfortable at the question. Alice was glad for the distraction from her emotions. He was making a face, so Alice continued. “The only time I've heard a turian make a noise like that was when Deccus and I ran into someone named Triffuk.”

Garrus blanched. “Triffuk Rituos?”

Alice shrugged, “I never heard his last name. He was pretty short, for a turian. He was...brown? It's been a very long time. If I remember right, he didn't acknowledge I could speak.” She laughed a little at the memory. “Deccus wasn't amused. They bypassed my translator so I don't actually know what they said. Deccus talked to me later about it because we ran into him again and I'm pretty certain Triffuk was trying to  _ buy  _ me.” Alice snorted. “I thought Deccus was going to take his head off, quite literally.”

Garrus seemed equal parts amused and concerned. “Maybe he should've. He…” Garrus frowned, the expression reverberating by way of his subharmonics. “He was wanted on the Citadel for murder, you know. He wouldn't have gotten a second glance on Illium for what he did, at least not unless he crossed an asari for it.”

Murder? Deccus hadn't told her about that. Her curiosity got the better of her. “Who did he kill?”

“Humans,” he replied with a turian frown. “Three women, last I knew. The reports weren't...uhh, they weren't strictly something I was meant to know about.”

Alice’s face darkened at his words and she clutched the frame to her chest. She wondered if he had known or only suspected. “That explains why Deccus was so...unpleasant towards him. But it still doesn't explain your response to Lorik.”

If Garrus could blush, he likely would have been then. “I'm sure you know subharmonics broadcast feelings.”

“Are you saying Lorik wanted to kill me?”

“No,” he shook his head, looking for lack of a better word sheepish at the suggestion. “He very,  _ very  _ clearly was attracted to you.”

“And  _ you _ ,” she pointed out, pressing her index finger into his shoulder with a small smirk. 

“I wasn't worried about that. I hate to say it but turian-human relationships aren't altogether that common. In my experience, such as it is, it tends to be more of an  _ obsession _ than a genuine interest. That sort of thing, coupled with a lot of turians’ general approach to...ahh...relations makes me consider that their approach would be more like Triffuk’s.”

“You were  _ worried  _ about me?” Alice asked incredulously, lowering the frame into her lap as she looked at him. She grinned at him, setting the frame back where it normally lived and stretching as she put her feet on the ground. “Garrus, I'm flattered.” Her intonation suggested a certain level of amusement at the idea. “But you can't go growling at anyone that finds me attractive.” She toyed with the idea of false modesty but decided against it. She had no qualms with how she looked, nor did she think overmuch on how many people may or may not have found an interest in her shape.

“I don't  _ growl _ ,” he replied in a tone that proved his point moot.

“All right then, call it whatever you want. I appreciate your protective nature for whatever reason it exists but…”

“I know it's ridiculous but…” he shrugged again. “I knew Deccus. Well enough to call him more than an acquaintance, at least. I feel like I should…” He shook his head, not continuing the thought. “That aside, you're my commander.”

“Am not,” she replied, despite the new information he had given her. “But I appreciate, like I said, regardless of your reasoning.”

Garrus opened his mouth to say something, but Joker interrupted over the comms. “Commander Shepard, you have an incoming message from HQ.”

“Of course I do,” Alice waved a hand, although she didn't believe Joker could see it. “Patch them through.”

“Shepard?” Anderson’s voice crackled. “The Council wants to meet with you here, to talk about what happened on Noveria.”

“I already debriefed them,” she offered with a confused look cast at Garrus. 

“They've received a transmission that has made then reconsider their stance on Saren. Don't screw this up,” Udina’s voice chimed in. Alice made a face at Garrus, who knew little of the human politician. 

“We'll head back to the Citadel immediately. Shepard out.” The line went dead. “Joker, did you hear that?”

“Aye, Commander. Readying to head to the closest relay.”

“Inform the crew. Looks like we'll get more shore, for however long the Council deems fit.”

“Aye, Commander.”

When Joker ended the transmission, Alice turned to Garrus. “One of these days, I am going to hit him.”

“Joker?” Garrus asked with a quirked mandible.

Alice snorted, “No, despite your feelings. Udina. Something about him just doesn't sit right with me.”

“You too, huh?”

Alice grinned broadly at him and offered a hand to help him up from her bed. “I knew I liked you.”

 


	18. Something's in the Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Differs a bit from gameplay and more Virmire in the next chapter. Annnnd I just realized I messed my timeline up by putting the Spectre bit here...will edit earlier chapters for continuity. Also I have art to share, although I still don't know how to imbed an image. @lady-redhaired did a commission of Alice (she's in the top right)
> 
> http://badwolfwarden.tumblr.com/post/167556468774/lady-redhaired-here-are-all-the-charity-sketch

Alice wasn't sure if the Citadel would ever feel like _home_ to her, especially when nearly every time she faced Udina’s smug mug. She dressed in her Alliance military uniform, medals displayed proudly with her necklace tucked beneath her shirt.

The council played the transmission that had included Benezia. They had already had it; had given her the lead to find the asari matriarch. Apparently it hadn't been enough the first time but with the information from the last run and the damning evidence from the transmission, they were ready to consider that Saren was everything Shepard had been trying to convince them of for months.

She had no great love for the Council but even less for Udina, so when the human politician began in on his extensive diatribe about the needs of humanity, using Shepard for his reasoning, she silenced him.

“Ambassador Udina, I believe we need to consider what the Council is saying.”

He looked as though he wished to hit _her_ and her hand itched as she wished he would try.

“I have no desire to see more human colonies fall but sending in an entire fleet would be chaos. More than that, Councillor Sparatus makes a valid point. A full squadron would more than likely not end well for us in the Terminus System. We need to be more subtle. A few ships, or even one, would be preferable. There is no way that an entire fleet would have been able to do what we did on Noveria. They would have been turned away, and likely at the wrong end of a gun.”

Tevos, the asari, looked hard at Shepard from behind her podium. “The commander has a point. A single ship would circumvent the issues you have posed, Sparatus.”

“It is too soon,” the turian grumbled, a low sound eminating from him that caused one to echo behind her in Garrus. As a very pointedly decided move for the Council’s favor, Alice chose to bring Garrus and Liara with her. She had asked Wrex and he had laughed. “Humanity is too new to be given the responsibility of Spectre status.”

Before Udina could go on another human-centric tirade that would make Shepard’s skin crawl, the redhead took a step forward. “Councillors, if I may...I understand your concern over the youth of my species. I know that we have come into your knowledge, your _galaxy_ quickly and, in some instances, **aggressively**. However, I firmly believe that we can - my crew, I mean, which as you can see is made up of more than just humans - take Saren to task for what he has done. And, moreover, what he _intends_ to do. I know that you aren't quick to believe me when it comes to what Saren is up to and, while I understand your hesitancy considering the source, I _implore_ you to consider giving me this opportunity. I will not let you down. Whether or not you make me a Spectre only determines how effectively and efficiently I can proceed. It won't stop me from trying, though. The threat that Saren poses is not just to humanity, whether you believe it or not. I do not want anyone else to die for him, human or otherwise.”

The Council seemed stunned into silence for a moment; in fact, Alice wasn't sure she could hear anything over the beating of her own heart and the thrumming hum from Garrus beside her.

“If you would leave us for a few moments,” Tevus said, glancing at her counterparts. “We have much to discuss.”

It was a dismissal as much as any other and Alice nodded, turning away and walking passed Udina without so much as a look. Garrus and Liara fell in line, Anderson moving to walk beside his protege.

“That was impressive, Shepard,” the older man offered what passed as a smile to the younger, female human.

“Impressively stupid!” Udina decried, stopping Alice with a hand on her shoulder after they left the chambers. It took much of her self control to dampen the blue glow at her fingertips. “You have just set humanity back _decades_ with your little tantrum!”

Alice snorted as she lifted a hand to pick Udina’s from her person. “ _My_ tantrum? Ambassador Udina, I truly-"

“Enough out of you!” he raged, and Alice was fairly certain some spittle landed on her uniform shirt. She grimaced internally at the thought. Garrus’ subharmonics had gone so low she could barely hear them. “First you allow Nihlus to be killed and now, back-talking to the Council? This is entirely unacceptable, Commander.”

“Back-talking?” Alice asked, eyebrow raised. Outwardly, she was calm. Internally, she was counting the ways she might maim or kill the man in front of her. “Were we in the same room just now, Ambassador?”

“Kow-towing to the demands of a Council that _clearly_ doesn't value human life!” he exclaimed in a hissed whisper.

“Careful, Ambassador, your speciesism is showing,” Alice replied with very little expression. “I invite you to court-martial me if they do not make me a Spectre.”

Everyone but Udina gasped, Anderson immediately trying to get her to take it back. Alice shook her head at the disagreement. “If, after everything that has happened, they still see fit to keep me from my duty, I no longer wish to be a part of this. The offer stands.”

There was a sort of maniacal glee in Udina’s eyes and Alice wasn't sure which outcome he would prefer when they were called back into the Council Chambers.

“Commander Shepard, please step forward.”

Alice walked in a commander of the Alliance and walked out a Spectre for the Council, not even trying to hide her smugness when Udina deigned to glance her way.

“Bold move, Shepard,” Garrus spoke as he and Liara fell in-step behind the human.

“Which part?”

“All of it. Especially, I think, the court-martial offer.”

Alice shrugged a little, ready to change into anything other than her uniform. “I imagine, assuming I survive, he'll try and find a way to anyhow. That aside, do you really think a little thing like that would keep me from absolutely kicking Saren’s ass?”

“Point taken.” Alice would swear she could _hear_ him smiling.

Bringing up her omni-tool, she called her pilot. “Joker, send out the call. We need everyone at their positions within the hour. We have a terrorist to track down.”

“Aye, aye, Commander. Oh, and congratulations.”

Alice stalled and looked from Liara to Garrus before she rolled her eyes. “Captain Anderson?”

“Aye, ma'am,” the pilot replied, voice not lacking in amusement.

Alice grinned, trying to hide the expression behind the projected omni-tool screen. “Right then. Shepard out.”

Feros made her skin itch. She wasn't sure if it was because of the recycled air in Zhu’s Hope, Thorian that probably didn't deserve to die, or Shiala who might've but Alice couldn't bring herself to end the asari’s life. Benezia had asked for it, literally. Shiala, it appeared, wanted a chance. Much like the rachni queen or mother or whatever it was aside from a giant spider, Alice didn't feel like it was her choice to make.

When they made it back onto the Normandy, Alice’s head felt as though Shiala had shoved something pointier than the cipher into it. She gritted her teeth through the meeting with the Council, who magically still didn't _quite_ believe that she knew what she was talking about, and disappeared into her quarters.

Staring at the ceiling, she tried everything she could think of to relieve the headache, up to and including trying to use the cipher as if that would release the stress of it from her body.

 _At least,_ she thought, _I didn't pass out this time._

The visions made more sense, certainly; she could hear voices but couldn't make enough sense of them. She would need to speak to Liara when her vision stopped going blurry. More than that, though, she felt like there was something she was missing.

At this point, as she lay on her bed, it had been nearly three months since the beginning of the debacle and Alice worried that they weren't working fast enough. They were taking too much time to find information, run errands for the Alliance, and find leads.

Joker patched in, “Commander, urgent message for you.”

“Go ahead, Joker,” she winced, glad no one could see her. She felt like she was going to vomit from the pain, like back in N-training. Her vision wouldn't stay still.

The message was about a transmission from Salarian scientists on a planet called Virmire. The Council wanted her to act immediately and, more than that, there were whispers of Saren’s activity in the area.

“Joker,” Alice heaved, cutting off her phrase.

“Shepard, do you want me to get Chakwas to you?”

“No,” she half-groaned. “I'll...be fine in a minute. Just...get us to Virmire and alert the team. We're going planetside.”

“Anyone in particular?”

“Everyone.”

“Aye, Commander.”

Despite what she said, Joker sent Chakwas to the commander's quarters. Alice smiled wanly when she saw the older woman in her doorway and waved her in regardless of the fact that she hadn't intended on the assistance.

There wasn't much to be done aside from a metric shit ton of painkillers, which Alice took only half of. She needed to think straight and neither option really lent itself to that.

By the time the Normandy reached Virmire, Alice had a queasy feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with the cipher or medication.

“I don't like this,” she frowned deeply. She had sent off Ashley, Liara, and Tali in the Mako while keeping Wrex, Garrus, and Kaidan with her. She knew they would need to split up in order to move forward but was still hesitant to force them out of her sight to press on.

Alice's team was going after what they had deemed Gatehouse Alpha and Ash’s team was after Gatehouse Beta. Apparently Shepard had been right to send that group, in the Mako. When they met at Gatehouse Gamma, the third and theoretically final stop before the Salarian camp, Ash was absolutely gushing about Tali's ability to short-circuit the machines and hack the terminals.

“I _really_ don't like this,” she muttered as the Normandy passed by overhead. She glanced at Wrex, watching him trudge forward. The one good thing about the million-and-a-half errands they had been sent on was that she could easily detour to Tuntau and help Wrex get his family's armor back. After hearing the story of what happened, she was even more surprised that he was quite so willing to work with Garrus. If Wrex could put aside all that to function, what reason did someone like Udina have for being such an unforgivable ass?

When she approached the Salarian camp, it was to hear Ash and Kaidan arguing - and loudly - with an unfamiliar salarian.

As it so happened, they went from an investigative team to an onslaught- which, Alice thought, was par for the course.

What was not was the way in which the Captain spoke to Wrex. Before Alice turned to follow the krogan, she turned to the Salarian with narrowed eyes and venom in her voice.

“I will only say this once, Captain Kirrahe. Urdnot Wrex is my man. You will kindly keep your antiquated and, frankly _asshole_ , opinions regarding his species to yourself. Mind your men to do the same or Saren won't be the only thing you have to worry about.”

“You would let him hurt your allies?”

“ _He_ is my ally. And I will be the first in line to put you in your place, or any of your men. Understood, Captain?”

The Salarian twitched but nodded.

“Good.” She finalized before turning on her heel. Wrex had not gone so far that he couldn't hear her speech.

“You are very good at pretty words, Shepard.”

“Have I ever not made good on them, Wrex?” she asked as they walked farther down the beach.

He paused as if thinking for a moment before he shook his head. “No, you keep your promises. But that doesn't change the fact that there is a cure, just sitting out there, and I'm betting you're going to expect me to let you destroy it.”

Alice sighed a little and, doing the first thing that came to mind, she set a hand over where his heart would be if he were human. He narrowed his eyes at her face before he realized there was no biotic glow to be seen. “Wrex, I know we don't always agree but please listen to me when I say that I will help you. I will help your people, in whatever way I can. What was done to the krogans was _despicable_ and if I could give the heads of those that perpetrated it in a fucking silver platter, you have to know I would. But this isn't the way to fix it, Wrex. Whatever Saren is doing, it isn't to help your people. The krogans coming from this _cure_ are under Saren’s direction and that isn't what you want for your people.”

Wrex’s body was stiff for a long moment before he lowered his head a little. “You're right, Shepard. We were under the Council’s thumb before and that's what led us here. I doubt Saren would be any kinder. But you're promising me you'll help?”

“Yes, Wrex. I promise. I promise to help you help your people. Fuck anyone that says I shouldn't for some stupid, speciesist reason. Everyone deserves a chance.”

“Some say we had ours,” Wrex frowned as Alice pulled back, putting her hands on her hips.

“Yeah, I don't think you did. You were used as a weapon. That's not a chance. That's a death sentence.” Alice glanced over Wrex’s shoulder, could see the agitated twitch in Garrus as he spoke with the Captain. She smiled wanly at her krogan companion and extended her arm out to him. Wrex took it in a firm, full forearm handshake.

“You've got one hell of a quad on you, Shepard. I'll do what you think is best but I won't forget your promise.”

“Neither will I, Wrex. And I'm glad you have my back.”

“Until you give me a damn good reason not to, I will. Just don't go joining Saren or something.”

Alice grinned as they separated and made their way back towards the small encampment. “That I think I can handle without too much issue.”

-

“Absolutely not,” Alice replied calmly to the Salarian captain’s suggestion.

He blanched at her commanding tone. “What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ we are not sending our people on a suicide mission.”

“With all due respect, Commander, I don't believe we can let our personal feelings cloud our judgement here.” Kirrahe frowned.

“Why is it that when people say ‘with all due respect’, what they really mean is ‘kiss my ass’?” Ashley interjected. Alice shot her a look but offered a small smile to soothe it.

“Captain Kirrahe, _with all due respect,_ Saren has cost us too much to just hand over our troops on a death run. There is an alternative and we will find it, or I'll take the whole goddamn place down myself.”

Garrus exchanged a look with Liara, the two that had been present the last time she made such a bold boast, before they looked forward again. “When she said as much last time, the person that questioned her was eating his words in minutes,” Garrus offered. Alice gave him a smirk.

“So, Captain. Tell me what we have to work with and I'll tell you how we get out of this mess alive.”

Kirrahe didn't seem at all pleased with Alice’s attitude but she wasn't at all pleased with him, so it didn't bother her much if at all.

They had one main objective, to destroy the base including the krogan breeding center. Shepard wanted to go for more but knew that they had to stay focused to stay alive.

“Tali, Garrus...you two are my tech experts. I need you to discuss with whomever Captain Kirrahe has in charge of the bomb. Find out what the radius is, what our options are for rendezvous points. We need as few as possible so Joker doesn't have to work too hard. Tali, I need you configure a diversion that doesn't rest solely on the backs of the soldiers. Blow something up, preferably not the Normandy if you can avoid it.”

“Keelah, Shepard,” Tali sighed but Alice thought she was probably smiling.

“Wrex, you are our krogan expert. I want you to come up with the best basic plan for us to get through the army Saren has. I am sorry to ask you this but, desperate times.”

“These krogan aren't my people,” he replied with a shrug and Alice hoped he felt that way.

“Oh, Tali and Liara - geth. I know, you know, we know. Make sure the salarians know too.”

“Got it, Shepard.”

Alice looked from Kaidan to Ashley and back again. Everyone had jobs. “The two of you...one of you is going to go with Kirrahe’s men, Wrex, and...the third will depend on who goes where. So. Who is on the bomb squad and who is up for some distraction tactics?”

“Commander, I think I'm best-suited to go with Kirrahe. We'll need as many snipers as we can get out there and, no offense LT, you're a shit shot with a rifle.”

“No offense, she says,” Kaidan smirked, running a hand over his hair. “But you need a biotic for the mass movement.”

“Liara will go with Ash,” Alice nodded once. “Kaidan, you'll go in with a shadow team like Kirrahe suggested. Garrus and Tali will cover you.”

“Where does that leave you, ma'am?” the Canadian asked, looking concerned.

“Don't worry about me, Lieutenant. I'll see you on the other side.”

When all was settled, Kirrahe gave his speech and Alice took her people aside. “This is a big push for us, guys. You will all make it out, if I have to drag you by your big toe and breathe the life back into you my damn self. Understood?”

Everyone nodded a little and most of them let loose a small smile.

“All right. Keep your comms open, talk to me when you can. Joker will be waiting for extraction as soon as the AA towers are down. No heroics, guys. We just need to get the bomb set and get the fuck off this planet.”

“Why do I get the feeling that she's _saying_ no heroics but is going to do something very questionably intelligent?” Garrus asked, flicking a mandible.

“Because we've been following her crazy ass around for months,” Wrex replied and Alice rolled her eyes.

“Listen, guys. Don't get dead.”

“Aye, aye, Commander,” the group, including Wrex, managed mostly in unison before Alice saluted them and they dispursed for their particular postings.

Alice roared through the camp on the Mako, dragging a particularly flammable part of the salarian ship behind her.

“She's going to get herself killed,” Kaidan shook his head, glancing at Garrus.

“Frankly I'd like to see then try," he flicked out a mandible in the turian equivalent of a smirk and sent up a silent plea to the Spirits to let her make it through. And that the Mako would come back mostly in one piece. _Mostly_.


	19. Me and God, We Don't Get Along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More! Canon divergent and my phone autocorrects to capitalized Salarians so that's super inconsistent. Thanks to the new readers kudos-leavers, and comment-leaver!

Everyone was still alive; no one told her if they were injured, although they damn well better be planning on it if it took them out of the fight. She meant what she said; she wouldn't leave any of them behind if it meant tearing the place down with her bare hands.

She had managed to unleash the, then flaming, scrap of ship off the Mako and swing around to give herself cover both when it exploded and from the incoming assault. They needed to make a lot of noise and funnel the enemies to give them the advantage they didn't have.

She was _probably_ going to have to requisition another Mako, she thought as she popped up over the edge of it to throw out a particularly taxing singularity. The Salarian soldiers and her few people were taking full advantage of her distraction.

“Get clear!” she demanded into the comm and waited only a moment as Ash subtly, as one can under fire with a foreign force, managed to get what few soldiers were in the blast radius out of the way.

Propelling herself from her hiding spot with a barrier in full bloom, she threw herself bodily behind a short wall before pressing the detonator tucked into her belt.

The Mako and flaming ship remnants burst into a spectacular shower of metal and fire. Shrapnel flew into enemy forces.

Alice smiled, then winced.

“Garrus, I have bad news,” she murmured as she hoisted herself into the line of fire and barrelled straight into an oncoming krogan with the might of her biotics behind her, landing on flat its back.

“Shepard? Where are you?”

“I'm…” she paused, shoving her pistol on the soft underside of the dazed krogan's chin and letting lose two bullets for good measure, “...fine. The Mako, though…” she let out a small laugh at the cumulative groan over the comms.

“Spirits, Shepard!”

Alice laughed all the way to the deep bowels of the building, including as she handedly decimated the poor fools that stood against her.

She would have preferred to save them. She would have preferred to free the Salarians in the enclosures; she could justify the commander, he was still reasonably of sound mind. The others, milling about? And the private with the edge to his voice...no.

They were too far gone; they'd either not run or attack her and neither would be them in an advantageous position.

Apologizing under her breath, she pressed on. She would have to live with that choice and always wonder what if she had let them go but, after the conversation with the private, the asari neurologist, and the rachni queen she was fairly certain she'd made the right choice. Two of the three she let live, directing the doctor towards the Normandy. They were going to need her anyway.

It was the same - the yellow song. It made sense that the rachni children had gone haywire. Sovereign was messing with the queen's song, doing to them what it was doing forcibly to the Salarians.

And, undoubtedly, Saren.

Before she found much of anything else, she found the controls for the guns. All of the major guard towers were on a grid in Saren’s lab - including the remaining AA towers. It only made sense that they would be, even if he was captain of the ship in name only so to speak.

Alice didn't know enough about tech to disarm it in any real way, so she did the next best thing. She took out her pistol and loaded the entire panel, from one end of the wall to the other, with tungsten rounds.

Pistol hot, she tucked it back into its holster at her hip and heard Joker let out a cheering woop over the comms even as she stopped in front of the towering beacon.

Unbroken.

“Here goes nothing,” she breathed, meant for herself by heard by everyone, as she stepped close enough to be under the prothean tech’s influence.

It wasn't as bad the second time, she considered mildly as images pushed out everything from her mind. When she fell to her knees on the grated metal catwalk and tossed her cookies to the floor below, her headache raged on and she grimaced.

“Shepard?” Kaidan.

“Alive,” she replied. “Found another beacon. Moving on...I'm going to call it. I want everyone to start moving in to the rendezvous points. According to my map, I'm not far off. Joker, bring it in.”

She stopped speaking, stopped walking as her eyes alighted on the massive red spectacle shaped like Saren’s ship.

Everyone responded in her ear but she didn't pay much attention aside from noting somewhere that all of her people were accounted for. She had no doubt there were Salarian casualties and she was sorry for it but she didn't have so many people that she could spare any.

“You are not Saren.”

Alice managed not to jump at the low, layered voice that seemed to be emanating from the image but also seemed to be too big for just that.

“No, I am not,” she replied with no great amount of emotion. “My name is Alice. And I have a suspicion that you're not just some VI.”

“You are more clever than I would have anticipated. But it is no matter, you will die just as easily.”

Alice realized then that the voice was in her head. The low humming whisper that the asari neurologist had mentioned, she could feel it near her implant and it only made her want to rip it out more.

“It's rude not to introduce yourself,” she replied through gritted teeth.

“Your ideas regarding how organic life should interact are as insignificant as you.”

Alice blinked, trying to wrap her head around what amounted to a sassy Normandy with less class.

“I am Sovereign and you dare to prod at my mind, something you can never understand.”

Alice snorted, as her immediate response to danger was sarcasm. “Try me, O Wise One. I might surprise you.”

A high-pitched screech inside of her mind nearly knocked her off her feet; was that what those poor Salarians had been hearing as they were driven mad? No wonder they vacated their own heads.

“Organic life is irrelevant. We are the pinnacle of evolution.”

“We?” she asked through teeth gritted in pain, speaking aloud even as the ship echoed in her head. She thought it might be protecting into the space between them as well, but she wasn't sure what was truth and what was being forced on her. “Do you mean the Reapers?”

“That word is nothing but a title the Protheans chose to give to their destruction. We are infinite and require no such name.”

“Kind of cocky too,” she replied, folding her arms across her chest. Her gloved fingers dug into the opposite elbow in her suit as she readied herself for the flood of pain. Sovereign didn't like back-talk.

“Insolent fool! You cannot comprehend us.”

Alice remained silent as she forced her eyes to remain open, even as they watered at the clap of agony that shot through her head.

“We are the beginning and the end. We are the harbingers of your destruction. We come from somewhere beyond your understanding.”

“But...why?” The human posed the question even as she ran through what she knew. Her people were getting into position, they needed time. She could buy it.

“It is the way it has always been. The cycle cannot be broken.”

Alice opened her mouth to speak, finding that she was more annoyed than afraid. Sovereign waxed on for a few more sentences about the importance of the Reapers, giving away a lot but not quite enough to make complete sense of the situation. She knew there were more of them but had no idea how many. She knew they wanted to destroy organic life but no clear reason as to why. She knew they thought pretty damn highly of themselves and wondered idly how they had come to be. She knew, too, that Sovereign felt as though it was far, far superior without any solid evidence.

Her hands were shaking but she thought that was more a residual response to the pain than fear, at least for the moment. “You sound an awful lot like someone that doesn't actually know the answers to my questions.”

“Insolence!” Sovereign cried, white-hot pain slashing through Alice and causing her knees to buckle. She pressed her hands against the sides of her head as she had clipped her helmet to her belt before reaching the beacon, as if that would alleviate the pain in some way.

“You said....you said you were the pinnacle of evolution but you also said that you were the beginning. That doesn't make…” she winced, her ears ringing. She fell forward a little, one hand going out to keep her sort of upright. “...any _sense_ ...Who...or what….created you? **Why**?”

Her speech was labored as she fought against the pain, now all but encompassing her. She focused on the red image of Sovereign in front of her despite her watery, blurred vision. Her fingers threaded through the grayed walkway as she tried to summon up her strength.

“I will bring your end, Alice.” Sovereign _growled_ and the light exploded out from the image, causing her to duck her head and shield her eyes. To her side, the glass shattered in the windows, flying fortunately over her head.

She remained crouched for a long moment, focusing on her breathing before Joker’s voice broke in over the comms.

“Commander, I don't know what you did but that big Reaper ship is coming at you, and fast.”

Alice groaned and forced herself to her feet, shaking her head in an attempt to dispel the feeling that still encompassed her. “Joker, is our buddy in place?”

“Dropped the kids off,” he replied with a smirk in his voice.

“Pick up their friends, A, J, then go for M. Be ready to get the dog ASAP, I think we can expect some fleas.”

Joker sounded more amused than serious as he said, “Aye, aye,” and she could hear the engines in stereo as she pushed herself out of the lab.

“Sound off,” Alice called as she waded through the water, taking potshots at geth and krogan alike. She was pretty sure she was going to sleep for a week when she got back on board. Her body felt like a livewire and she was surprised that she hadn't thrown up again. She tucked her head back into her helmet as she slunk along the wall towards the next target.

Tearing off the end of a protein bar, she chewed between shots. She waited, counting off the number of groups that responded - five, including the crew of the Normandy. Check.

Now individual members of her squad.

Everyone.

_Everyone but Ash._

“Wrex.”

“Yeah, Shepard?”

“You see Williams?”

Wrex grunted and Alice heard a few shots echo in her head. “Williams!” he called and Alice could hear her vaguely speaking and let out a sigh. “Says her comms appear to be down, Shepard. Injured but standing.”

“Thank fuck,” she replied in a hiss as she pressed her hand against the side of her helmet to close it up around her face. “If you aren't at your rendezvous points, get there as fast as you can. Shadow, once everything is in position, get your asses on my ship.”

“But Commander-"

“Alenko, just because you used my title doesn't mean you can question me. Get. Your. Ass. On. My. Ship.”

He hesitated, they could all hear it. “...Aye,  ma'am.”

With the AA towers down and the extra hands, things went about as smoothly as it can in a lopsided war.

Until, of course, the reinforcements showed up at the bomb site.

Alice _thought_ she had planned for every eventuality. She _thought_ they could all make it out of there alive.

When the geth swarmed from the ship, those that made up the Shadow team turned from their quick load onto the Normandy and Alice screeched out her order.

“I'm arming the bomb,” she hissed into the comms. “Get the fuck out of this atmosphere, Joker.”

Garrus took out the geth closest to her as Kaidan threw out a biotic push to the group closing in.

“Can't do that, ma'am,” he replied as Kirrahe and his men started to flow out of the Normandy behind Wrex, Ashley, and Liara.

“I said go!” she yelled into the comms, but not a single person turned around.

“With all due respect,” Alice swore she could hear Ashley’s grin, “we're not leaving you behind, ma'am.”

They made quick work of the geth and it was all Alice could do not to use her biotics to propel them all back into space. Not that she could've likely pulled it off, but she was sorely tempted to try.

And then the fucking rogue spectre showed up on his goddamn hoverboard.

“Why isn't it ever a dragon?” she laughed mirthlessly as she rolled away from the shot the turian let off.

“Shepard,” Saren called and Alice remained hidden. “There is no point to fighting.”

The screech of Sovereign had her on her knees. She gritted her teeth, managing, “Why?”

That was all it took for Saren to launch into a diatribe about saving them. About how giving oneself over to the Reapers was the only way to survive.

“Survival isn't worth anything if you aren't free,” she replied, dodging from her hiding spot. She let loose her pistol, earning herself a shot in the leg as a reward. Letting out a scream of pain, she backtracked.

“You're foolhardy. You could be a good ally, if you would just succumb.”

“You know I won't,” she replied, limping behind another barricade.

“Yes. And because of that, you must die.”

She would've laughed at him if she had the time to breathe. “You said you weren't indoctrinated but can't you tell you're already Sovereign’s puppet? I can _help_ you, Saren.”

“You cannot. I will be spared.”

He had found her. Alice let out a roar of frustration as Saren’s hand closed over the open lower lip of her helmet, long fingers pressed deep and down. She could feel the backs of them against her throat as he pulled her up, holding her high. The vantage point gave her a new look at him.

He was practically more machine than turian.

The wail of the bomb’s siren went off and Saren turned at the sound, giving her enough of a change to  grasp a mandible. It wouldn't stop him, but it would _hurt_.

She wrenched her hand down and Saren dropped her into the water at their feet, leaving her to land hard on her injured leg. Saren grasped at his face as Alice scrambled away, the screech of Sovereign so painful in her head that she stumbled from more than her leg injury.

Kaidan was bolting from the bomb towards the Normandy; everyone had fled. _About time_ , she thought.

Until Saren lifted Kaidan through the air, hovering.

“You will pay penance!” he growled, underlined by a metallic hum. The thrum of a turian's subharmonics did not exist within him.

Alice didn't think, much like on Eden Prime. This time, she didn't rush Kaidan. She threw her whole self into the turian, knocking him from his feet and forcing him to drop the lieutenant to the deck.

“ **Get him out of here** ,” she yelled into her comms, hoping they were still working despite the beating they had taken.

“If I die, we'll both die,” she hissed at the turian. He got enough leverage to dislodge her, tossing her to the ground again.

“No,” he replied, clamoring into the hoverboard that materialized at his side. She knew she could reach it if she tried. She could throw herself at it and drag him down, or at the least be carried away with him.

The blaring of the bomb grew more insistent.

“Shepard!” came through her comm, scratchy and full of static.

She took one second longer to watch as Saren tore away towards Sovereign before she bolted on a wounded leg back to the safety of her ship.

She was jerked onboard by Garrus as the door closed and Joker took off like a bat out of hell. They only barely made it out of range before the bomb blew, leaving behind a spectacle and not a soul to speak on it.

As Garrus helped her limp her way to Chakwas, who had her hands full of the injured, he held her closer by the waist. “No heroics, huh?”

Alice managed a weak smile before she collapsed completely into his arms.


	20. Like a Fucking Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeee. I think I'm going to try to go back and edit this bad boy this weekend, if I find the time. And by that I mean if I choose to procrastinate working on my novel more because...reasons. Anyways! Thanks to those that read or left kudos/comments! Always appreciate you taking the time to come to my little corner of the fandom. 
> 
> For the record, I intend to add a few chapters or at least sections about Kaidan and Shepard, Deccus and Shepard, and Zersa. I'll let you know when updates are complete and where they happened. Oh and this chapter has some risque language in it but next chapter may be E. Dunno yet.

She could hear their cries as the blast approached, see their wide eyes as they were engulfed by it.

Alice woke with a start, leaning to the side and letting loose the measly contents of her stomach.

The Salarians she had left behind, the ones she had left to die. They weren't going to let her forget.

Her body ached, not the least of all her head. 

“Your implant is barely functional,” Chakwas said from beside her, holding a bucket of her vomit. Alice winced.

“Par for the course,” she coughed and turned as something cold was nudged against her bare arm. Garrus held out a bottle of water, uncapped. 

“It's going to make the headaches worse.”

“And I don't suppose you would care to remove it?” she asked after downing a mouthful of water.

“I can't,” the human doctor replied, as if apologetic. “I don't have the tools or, frankly, the knowledge to be confident that I wouldn't turn you into a vegetable.”

“I would be surprised if they had assigned someone to my ship that could, knowing my feelings on the matter.”

“Keep me informed,” Chakwas replied with a small frown as she moved to dispose of the bucket’s contents.

Alice turned to Garrus, who thankfully looked no worse for wear. “Status report on the crew?”

“Ashley is resting in her bunk. She took a hard hit to the head and a slug to the shoulder but Chakwas patched her up. We lost several of Kirrahe’s men.”

“Kaidan?” the redhead inquired with a frown. 

“Comatose,” Garrus replied with a flare of his mandibles. “But stable. The fall knocked him out.”

“Fuck,” Alice groaned, lifting a hand to her head. “Stable though. Stable is good. He's not dead."

“No, Shepard.”

She looked at him with narrowed eyes, “There's something you're not saying, Vakarian.”

“You nearly died,” he offered, eyes a little wide. “After what you did for me with Saleon…”

“Don't go getting all sentimental,” she let out a laugh that reverberated in her head. “ _ Nearly _ died isn't the same as absolutely dead.”

“Commander?”

“Yes, Joker?” she replied to the air.

The pilot let out what sounded like a sigh of relief. “Council wants to speak with you, when you're up to it.”

Alice gave Garrus a long-suffering look before she deposited the bottle and reached her hands out for help standing. Her leg was understandably weak. “Can't we tell them I died?”

Joker snorted a laugh. “If you like, Commander. If you decide not to, they're waiting in the comm room.”

“No rest for the wicked,” she shrugged a little and hid her wince as she tested putting weight on her leg. “Care to escort me, Garrus?”

“My pleasure.”

 

-

 

After Alice shared what she had learned by retelling, she leaned against the available chair. 

They said they needed to talk about the findings. She said she needed to speak to Liara. Alice had a solid idea, a  _ belief _ on what was happening but couldn't express it to anyone thoroughly and expect them to believe her. Hell,  _ she _ barely believed herself. 

Collapsing into the chair, she folded over and put her face in her hands. Sovereign and the rest of the Reapers were going to wipe out everything. Everyone. They were going to indoctrinate the entire universe and what was she going to do? Yell angrily into the void? 

Footsteps approached and Alice tried to curl in on herself, hoping pointlessly that she could disappear entirely. 

“Shepard.” It was a familiar voice, low and smoky. Warm. Worried. A hand hesitated near her shoulder, she could feel the heat of it. Smell the eezo. 

Tilting her head back and lowering her hands, she wasn't surprised the they were wet with tears when she looked up to see Kaidan standing over her. His face was more black and blue than tan and his posture was off. 

“What are you doing out of bed, soldier?” her voice sounded watery even to her own ears. 

“Can't keep me down,” he replied with a smirk that made him wince. 

“Don't you ever disobey a direct order like that again,” she spoke unconvincingly in a commanding tone as she stood, holding his bruised face gingerly. “You could have died, Kaidan.”

“You almost did,” he sighed, hands moving up hesitantly to cover hers. 

“ _ Almost _ ,” she emphasized, smiling wanly. “But not quite.”

“...I wanted to tear his hand off when I saw him dangling you,” his face darkened briefly before he cleared his throat and added, “....ma'am.” 

She still missed Deccus. She still loved the dead turian and would be damned if she ever got rid of his pictures, the braided fabric around her ankle, or the necklace that clanked against her dog tags. But in that moment, face wet with tears and leg unsteady as it healed, she leaned up as Kaidan leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his lips.

He smiled beneath the show of affection and murmured, “Does this mean you aren't mad at me any more, Alice?”

The sound of his voice reminded her of the times she had thought of him, alone in her bunk, before she'd gone off on her first vacation and come home with a turian. She pulled back slowly, eyes narrowed a little in a playfully irritated manner. “Don't push your luck, Lieutenant.”

He chuckled lowly, one arm curving behind her to press a hand against the small of her back. “Aye, aye, Commander.”

He held her for a few more minutes, long enough for her to remember how much she missed something so simple as physical affection, before she disentangled herself and cleared her throat. “I need to speak to Liara about the beacon.”

“You found another one?” he asked, straightening his uniform shirt with blush hiding beneath bruises.

“Yeah, before I met Sovereign.”

“You  _ met _ Saren’s ship?” 

Alice sighed a little and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Joker, I need the ground team in the comm room for debriefing. Council wants us to head back to the Citadel.”

“Aye, aye. And Commander?”

“Yes, Joker?”

“You weren't...uh, serious about the court-martial, were you?”

Alice smiled to herself; she had told Joker if he ever disobeyed a direct order again, he'd be out of the fleet. “Don't tempt me.”

Joker let out a squeaky laugh, as if he still couldn't tell. “Yes, ma'am.”

Alice and Kaidan took seats as the rest of the crew wandered in. Ashley looked pale but she was, at the very least, vertical. Kirrahe joined them at her request. She explained everything she had seen, not leaving out the details about the indoctrinated Salarians to save face. She felt the captain deserved to know. His men did too, even if the screaming wouldn't stop.

“We're headed back to meet with the Council. Captain Kirrahe, I trust you've made your report?” 

“Yes, Commander.” Kirrahe looked particularly twitchy and it was all Alice could do not to over-analyze it the way that Deccus most certainly would have. She watched him for probably a moment too long before tearing her gaze away.

“Good...now, Liara,” Alice looked to the asari and sighed a little. “I need your help.”

 

-

 

The Commander rather wished that Saren had successfully removed her head from her body as she lay in her cabin for the short remainder of the trip to the Citadel. It felt as though Sovereign’s presence and ensuing lack thereof had caused a chasm to open up at the back of her skull. That, coupled with literally everything else bouncing around in there, left her in more pain than she had been in before Virmire. 

Liara had been able to give her more insight and she hoped Kirrahe, coupled with Rana the asari neurologist, would be enough to convince the Council of the real threat.

As it turns out, she was sorely disappointed. In truth, that didn't fully encompass her feelings on the matter.

Kirrahe had accused her of intentional negligence when it came to his men - she assumed it was something to do with her treatment of him in light of the Wrex situation but that didn't piss her off any less. That explained, at least, his increased micro-movements when asked about his report. This, coupled with Rana’s refusal to speak, the Council’s general disposition, and Udina’s utter inability to function appropriately, landed her grounded.

Alice nar Nedas, as Tali had dubbed her “the child of nowhere", did not enjoy being told what to do. Even less did she like being betrayed. Beyond  _ that _ , though, she liked the idea of being imprisoned for acting against orders even less. She was on increasingly thin ice because of Kirrahe’s accusations, for which there was little defense if the Council wouldn't believe her and Rana wouldn't testify. She had gone in by herself to save her people and his, only to get bitten in the ass for her effort. 

And she didn't even have a Mako to hide in. Garrus was making sure it was being taken care of, even if they had absolutely no use for it stuck on the Citadel. 

Alice stood on the Normandy, facing the lockers of her crew. The crew she had saved but failed. If they couldn't stop Saren and Sovereign, the fact that they had all made it off of Virmire wasn't going to do anyone any damn good. 

With a grunt, Alice threw herself to the ground in front of the lockers and wrapped her arms around her knees. Resting her forehead against her arms, she breathed in steadily. 

“We've got to stop meeting like this,” Kaidan spoke from outside her little escape. She heard him move, felt him closer. “You okay, Shepard?”

“No,” she replied wanly, dropping her head back and looking up at him. “I'm about as far from okay as I think I can get at this point.”

“Anything I can do, ma’am?”

She looked up into his face and smiled a little. He had healed particularly quickly, thanks in no small part to Chakwas. There was some stiffness in him still but the bruising had faded almost entirely. 

Extending her hand up, she was oddly surprised by how strong he was. She had known, could tell by look that he was fit. It was common for soldiers to be so, although a little less for biotics some of the time. She was the sinewy sort of fit, with little extra muscle whereas he was a man who enjoyed lifting weights. She wondered idly if he could hold her aloft like Deccus had on many occasions and found that her cheeks flushed red in response. 

“Huh,” he breathed, smiling as she landed on her feet and stood against his chest. 

“Huh?” she asked, one side of her lips quirked with a hand in his and one over his heart. 

The hand that didn't hold hers swept over her cheek, brushing strands of red back. It skipped then to her shoulder, her waist, her lower back. 

“I don't remember the last time I saw you blush like that,” he grinned in a way she had seen only glimpses of since training. He always seemed to try to keep it under wraps, but in those moments he wasn't hiding much of anything. “It must've been  _ good _ .”

The hand on his chest slid up, along his shoulder, to the back of his neck. She slid her fingers into his hair and tried not to the of the strangeness of it, even if she had been with more humans than anything else in her life. It felt strange but right, or at least right enough.

The look on his face when her fingers found his hair was enough to make her feel light and electric. He was drastically shorter than Deccus but still the better part of a foot taller than Alice, with about eight inches on her. 

She did everything she could to keep her mind focused on the man in front of her. She reminded herself of training, when she had fancied herself in love with him. The crinkle at the corners of his eyes, the slight smirk at the edge of his lip, the deep timbre of his voice that was nothing like Deccus’ but made her feel warm anyway. She thought about the times she has spent in her bunk or the shower, remembering the feel of his hand on her shoulder or imagining what it would be like to see him look at her with his face between her thighs. 

It wasn't hard to be attracted to Kaidan. It wasn't even hard to care about him. He had never made a pass at her, not really, or else she likely wouldn't have been in a position to fall for Deccus in the first place. If Kaidan, although at the time her superior officer, had so much as winked in her direction before Elysium, she would've been his. 

That wasn't how things went, though. Life dangled her in front of him but he hadn't reached out to take her. 

She wondered if he would make the same mistake twice.

The hand at her back pulled her tight against him, lifting her a little so that her feet were on tiptoe. “This is probably not a good idea.” As he spoke, his lips brushed against hers while they formed the unconvincing words. 

Alice shifted her hands to both of his shoulders and pulled herself up along his body; he took the hint, at least enough not to let her fall, and pressed his warm hands underneath her thighs to solidify his hold on her as her legs curved around his hips. “You're probably right,” she replied with a small smile as she pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He turned them both, holding her against the wall between two lockers. His and Garrus’, not that either of them took note of which lockers specifically. 

“You could order me to stop…?” Kaidan offered as he pinned her to the wall with his body, one hand winding from its position holding her to move a long piece of hair behind her ear. Tilting his head down, he tested the waters by capturing her mouth with his own. 

When the kiss broke, Alice had finally managed to convince herself it was okay not to remind herself constantly of Deccus while the human’s skin grazed hers. “Or I could ask you not to,” she replied, one hand finding his hair again.

“Commander,” at the sound of Joker over the comms, Kaidan very nearly dropped her. She clung to him and offered him a dirty look as the pilot continued. “Captain Anderson wants to meet you at Flux.”

Alice let out a laugh, almost breathless, as Kaidan buried his face against her neck. “Joker,  _ please _ tell me you made a joke about him propositioning me.”

“ **Me** ? Commander!” he responded with faux offense, not trying to hide his laughter. Kaidan held her closer, as if trying to absorb her and it made it hard for her to breathe but not because of any physical restriction. 

Alice laughed again, “Let him know I'll be the one in red,” before she tapped Kaidain gently on the shoulder, motioning for him to let her down.

“Aye, aye.” Joker grinned from the cockpit and Kaidan whispered against her skin. 

Alice showed up to Flux in full-on going out clothes and it took Anderson a few moments of staring to recognize her the woman that had been his second in command.

It was a dress that Deccus had loved, much like the very first she had ever worn around him. She was a blur of red, pale skin, freckles, and green eyes as she took up a seat beside him. 

“I didn't recognize you.”

“Incognito,” she winked, setting down the glass of turian brandy before she settled onto the stool beside him. “I figured your reputation could hold out against a young tramp flirting with you better than being seen with the likes of Spectre Shepard right now.”

Anderson chuckled lightly although he buried the sound in his glass. “This is why I like you, Shepard.”

“I do cut an image,” she grinned, downing half of her glass. “A little birdy told me you wanted to see me.”

Anderson glanced around quickly before he downed the rest of his drink and offered a warm, dry hand to the woman beside him. “Heard a rumor you know how to dance. We shouldn't talk here.”

“So you  _ were  _ propositioning me,” she threw her head back and laughed as she took his hand, trying not to think about the last time she had danced in that same club. 

Dancing with a human was strange for Alice and dancing with a man that was reasonably close in height, almost the same height in her too-high heels, was something else entirely. 

Anderson mumbled an apology as his hand slid over her exposed waist and Alice leaned in as though she meant to whisper flirtatiously into his ear. “Make it convincing, Captain. We both know what we're about, no harm in making some waves.” 

He seemed a little sheepish, which amused Alice to no end, as she pulled herself closer and they started across the floor in a facsimile of a waltz.

As they turned about the dance floor, they leaned in nearer to each other in an attempt to speak but keep up the ruse. 

It was some time later, after a plan had been formed and the dancing became mostly about fun, that Alice noticed Garrus enter. She had sent Kaidan to him before disappearing to disguise herself in an effort to help facilitate the requisition of the new Mako, hoping that an Alliance offer might speed things up. 

He approached them at the edge of the dance floor, on the end of one song before the next could begin. 

“Captain Anderson?” he spoke, a not unfamiliar hum coming from his chest. If Alice wasn't mistaken, it was the same sort of sound she had heard from Deccus on more than one occasion. “I'm sorry to interrupt your evening, but I have been looking for Shepard. Have you seen her?”

Alice laughed heartily and then nearly doubled over as they stepped into the crowd, leading both men back to the bar. Garrus, it appeared, didn't quite get the joke. 

“Have I offended your mate?”

Alice snorted and laughed harder, leaning over the bar to order drinks while Anderson did his best to seem unfazed.

“Shepard is…”

Alice turned and offered the drink to Garrus, raising an eyebrow as she caught his gaze. “Hello, Vakarian.”

It was fortunate that Garrus had not managed to take a drink prior to her speaking, or else he might well have spit it out onto the front of her. “ _ Shepard _ ?” 

Alice grinned and, with Anderson's drink handed over, pressed a finger to her lips. “I'm undercover, Garrus.”

“Not much,” he replied and she didn't miss the sweep of his eyes. She laughed again, shaking her head a little before she took a sip of her drink that matched his. He cleared his throat, the thrumming from his chest not having dissipated. 

Anderson looked between them and made a sort of “hm" noise before he lifted his glass. “Thank you for the drink and the dance, Shepard. Make ready as we planned.”

“Aye, aye,” she grinned at him, pushing a wave of red back over her shoulder before she found a seat at the bar and Garrus slid in next to her. The captain downed his drink, set the cup on the bartop, and disappeared into the crowd.

“You are...full of surprises, Commander.”

Alice laughed, feeling lighter after her conversation with the other human. “It was easier this way.  Sure, there might be whispers about him but he'll survive them.”

“Were you  _ dancing _ ?”

She nodded, smiling vaguely. “Deccus taught me. I prefer the tango but it didn't suit having a quiet conversation.”

He seemed to be sizing her up a moment before he blurted, “But you're so  _ short _ .”

Alice lifted one leg rather high into the air,  showing off the relative length of it and perhaps more skin than anyone, outside of Deccus and other officers in the communal showers, had seen since she left Earth. It ended in the four or five inch heels that would invariably make her regret her decision the next day. 

“Oh,” he offered dumbly and it amused her to no end that he went from looking at her to taking a drink rather immediately. 

“I'm still short,” she shrugged. “But it helps. Although the  _ first  _ time he got me to dance, I wore heels like these and had the  _ worst  _ muscle cramp.” She laughed at the memory, eyes shining as she looked at her friend. “Do all turians give quality massages?”

Garrus seemed caught off-guard by the question, mandibles fluttering. “I...uhh….can't say that I've had a lot of experience giving massages to humans.”

“You'd think with the sort of strength you have in comparison it would be superbly painful,” she offered, drinking a bit more. “And I did end up with plenty of bruises, although rarely from a massage.”

Garrus spluttered a little, floundering slightly. Alice was fairly certain that if he had the ability to blush he would be. It made her smirk as she sipped a bit more of the Turian cocktail. 

“All right, Garrus. You were looking for me?”

The turian seemed to be confused for a long moment before he nodded. “I just...I wanted to talk to you, about what's happened. I don't feel right about just... _ staying  _ here.”

Alice’s lips curled upwards at the edges and she reached out, patting his carapace gently in a show of familiarity with the turian. “Don't worry so much, Garrus.”

“What? But-"

“Do I strike you as the sort of person that would go so incognito to go on an actual date with her commanding officer?”

Garrus opened his mouth to reply but closed it, shaking his head. 

“Best be ready to ship out. Have to radio Joker and get everyone saddled up.”

The turian smirked in the way that only, it seemed, he could. “Aye, Commander.”

Shepard tossed back the rest of her drink and slid from the stool with a hand on Garrus’ elbow. “You coming, Vakarian?”

“Wouldn't miss it.” 

And so, for not the first time, Alice nar Nedas vas Normandy left Flux on the arm of a turian. 

“Joker,” Alice spoke into the comm linked to her omni-tool as they headed back to her apartment, long enough to get her civvies even if she didn't have time to change. This specific channel went directly to Joker, bypassing the Alliance channels to the Normandy in favor of discretion. 

“Aye, Commander?”

“Make ready.”

He was silent for a moment before he replied, grin evident in his voice. “ _ Aye _ .”


	21. Would You Like a Little Company?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short because I have a pretty vague outline of the rest of this one. As mentioned in a comment, I think I'm going to upload something called Deleted Scenes instead of necessarily editing to add bits that are in my head.
> 
> We're in the home stretch, although I am not entirely sure I'll have a chance to finish this before I uproot for Boston. We'll see!
> 
> As always, thank for reading and leaving comments/kudos, or bookmarking.
> 
> Also! Rating borders Explicit for this. Toes the line. Straddles the fence. Yaknow.

Alice and the entire crew of the Normandy waited on baited breath, the Commander in the cockpit with Joker and the Captain in her ear.

She could hear him come upon Udina, a grunt. Typing and then. 

“Go!” from Anderson.

“Get us out of here, Joker. And Captain?”

Anderson seem distracted a moment before he said, “Yes, Commander?”

“Did you  _ punch  _ him?”

“I'm not at liberty to say, wouldn't want to incriminate you.” She could very clearly hear the ‘yes’ in the slightly self-satisfied tone of his words.

“I am so  _ jealous _ ,” she grinned, having settled into a seat for the launch away from the Citadel. “Stay safe, Captain. Try not to get into too much trouble.”

“You too, Shepard,” he replied before the connection severed as the Normandy jettisoned into open space. 

When the ship had evened out and Alice had removed her too-tall heels, she stood from the seat she had commandeered. “Let me know when we approach the relay, Joker.”

“Aye, aye, Commander.”

Alice snorted. “You probably shouldn't call me that anymore. My money is on a firing squad.”

“If we survive this and take out Sovereign, there's no way they'd let a mutiny charge stick, Shepard.”

“Udina might well do it himself,” she grinned, touching Joker’s shoulder lightly enough to barely be felt. “Besides, being Alice wouldn't be so bad.”

“Aye, aye  _ Alice _ .” Joker laughed a little, “Man, that's weird.”

“Thanks for humoring me, just this once. I'm going to get out of this,” she gestured to her dress from earlier in the evening. “You know where to find me if you need me.”

Joker nodded and Alice turned, heading for her quarters. 

When she got to the door, she found Kaidan. Several emotions passed over his face as she passed him by, door opening. 

“Coming?” she asked over her shoulder, tossing her shoes down beside her desk. 

He hurried into the room on her heels, the door closing behind him. “Hell of a thing, stealing the Normandy. Barely got the new Mako on it before we took off.”

“You didn't have to come,” she offered lightly, standing a little awkwardly between the lieutenant and her bed. “I would've understood, Kaidan. It's not a simple thing I asked you to do.”

“Isn't it?” he replied, taking a halting step forward. “And besides, I'd be the only  **not** here _. _ And more than likely in the brig just for knowing you.”

Alice laughed at that, finding that her feet brought her a few steps closer to him. “I'm glad you are, though. It's been a long road and it's likely not over. But I wouldn't want to do it without you.”

Kaidan took the initiative to close what remained of the distance between them, looking at her in only the way he could. “You say things like that and after...what happened earlier...Alice.”

Her eyes locked on his, having been distracted a moment by the movement of his hand to the bare side of her midsection. 

“I haven't wanted to muddy things,” he sighed a little, lifting the hand not against her skin to run back through his short black hair. “We could get drummed out of the service for fraternization but I…” he found her eyes again, hand going to her cheek, cupping her face. “I've wanted this, wanted  _ you  _ for so long I can barely remember when it started.”

“First day,” she blurted, unthinking. His hand on her waist tightened a little, eyes widening. “When Sasaki introduced you. You weren't looking at me because Juniper laughed at something Demetrius had just said. When you did, though.” Her cheeks were as red as her dress, his hand feeling cold against the heat of her blush. 

“I…” he sighed as if apologetic, hand on her waist pulling her body flush to his. “I didn't know.”

She let out a small laugh, “That was the point. I couldn't very well jump the bones of my superior officer. I may toe the line with regs a lot, but I'm not  _ that  _ foolish.”

His hand slid from her cheek back into her hair, tipping her head back as he curved his posture to bring his lips closer to hers. “It's embarrassing to admit that I'm a little disappointed.”

“I'm surprised you didn't catch on,” she murmured as she kissed him, hands winding around to the back of his neck. “Juniper gave me some serious shit in training.”

Kaidan paused, pulled back enough to look down at her as he tried to recall the specific interaction from what was something like four years or so prior. 

“Oh,” he said, face shifting into a grin. “ _ Oh _ . That was…” his face flushed and his expression turned boyish. “That was about  _ me _ ?”

“Don't be so surprised, Kaidan. I was young and impressionable. You were a dashing, older man in a position of power.”

“I  _ was _ , huh?” he needled her, taking a chance to steal another kiss. “This whole time, then?” he paused, his gaze catching on the picture frame behind him. “What about-"

Alice could easily guess what he was going to say even without knowing where his eyes had gone. She frowned a little before forcing a gentle smile. “Let's not talk about that, okay?” She didn't want to talk about her relationship with Deccus because then she would  _ think _ about it and if she  _ thought  _ about it, she wouldn't be able to continue with Kaidan. There and then, before what very well could amount to a suicide mission, she didn't want to  _ stop _ . “Let's just appreciate this, right now, for what it is.”

“What is it?” he asked, almost breathlessly. 

“Two people with a lot of history that don't really know what waits for them on the other side,” she shrugged a little, fingers sliding into his hair. “We don't have any idea what we're going to find or not find on Ilos. Maybe the Council is right and I'm off my rocker, in which case I'll be tried for mutiny and never get this chance again. Or maybe I'm right and it's too late, ending the same. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm right and we pull this off.” She kissed this corner of his mouth, pulling her body up as his hands moved to hold her like he had earlier. With a hand on either of her thighs, he hoisted her into the air against his body and her dress hiked as she curved her legs around him. “But if you're sure, I don't want to go into tomorrow without knowing what this is like.” 

“I'm not sure of much in this life,” he replied, walking her delicately towards the bed. One hand shifted to hold her beneath the apex of her thighs and the other curved over the thin zipper line on the top half of her dress, the sound seemingly blaring in the relative silence between their breaths. “...but if there's one thing I'm always sure of, it's you, Alice.”

She felt a constriction around her heart at the words, not sure what to say. Instead, she busied her mouth with exploring his and her hands with divesting him of his clothing as he worked to shimmy her out of her dress.

Being with Kaidan after Deccus was both strange and familiar. Familiar because of the hue of his skin, the anatomy she understood without having to guess or ask. Strange because she hadn't seen a naked human male in so long, she thought she was forgetting. Strange too because it felt almost like she was doing something wrong, despite the fact that Deccus wouldn't have wanted her to be alone. Not that night, not ever. Strange because she expected the touch to feel different, fingers larger and skin harder. 

She tried desperately not to think too much on what was different and to focus solely on what it was. It was Kaidan’s lips against hers. His tongue, short and pink as it was, causing the moan to hum up through the length of her shorter body. It was his hand, ending in his fingers, that scaled her from ankle to hip to breast to neck. It was him, all of him, making her feel as good as she had in months.

It was his arm, shorter and wider but maybe not lighter, that curled over her after his body moved to hold hers. It was a strange thing still for her to be in a bed made for humans and stranger yet to be held in one. 

It was his warm breath, cooling against her flush-heated skin, as his nose nudged hair from her neck so that he could press a kiss there. 

She could feel the hard planes of him against her, realizing for a moment how nice it was to be held. His muscles were hard but he was still a squishy human, despite the short bar of iron between his legs that nestled against her lower back. She smiled dizzily at the promise of it and realized somewhere that his refractory period was impressively short.

He pressed his face into the crook of her neck and his arm tightened a little, holding her closer. “You are... _ incredible, _ ” he sighed over her skin, hand splaying out wide against her stomach.

“You're not so bad yourself, Lieutenant,” she turned her head to smirk at him. The look he gave her, the self-satisfied, sex-hazy quirk of his lips made her breath catch but it was no match for the move her pulled, managing to her himself from behind to over her with little difficulty. 

“Not so bad?” he teased as he found his way to settle between her legs. She was tender but not in a bad way; one thing about sex with a human meant little to no chafing if everything went well. She was also sensitive but that made the light swipe of his tongue even more delicious. She was a bit surprised that he chose to start there, considering how recently they had finished their first round. As a youth, she had opted for an implant that would keep her from getting pregnant until it was removed. That, and the very brief discussion about both being free of anything the other might catch if unprotected, let them feel free to continue without the barrier of a condom. 

The thought of that made her remember the first time she and Deccus had been together; neither has even thought about it. They hadn't talked about diseases, pregnancy, or even allergies. It made her smile at how easy he had made it to forget to be responsible; a far cry from the man that worked between her legs to bring her to another orgasm before he found his own pleasure buried inside of her a second time. 

Kaidan held her against him in his lap, their arms wound around each other as he remained soft inside her. They were both breathing rapidly, Alice a little raised because of her position on top of them. They had settled on the edge of her bed, Kaidan’s feet flat and firm against the ground while her knees pressed into the mattress. 

“I just want to…” he started in a murmur, as if not meant for her to hear. He didn't finish the sentiment, hands in her sweat-dampened hair and forehead against her chin. He held her with hands splayed over her back as if to touch as much of her as he could. 

There was a part of her that wished he would stir to life again but, quick to rebound or not, he was just a mortal man. Tilting her head down a little, she kissed his forehead before she began to shift off of him. “Better get a shower in before we land.” With her feet on the floor she took his hand, tugging along. “Come on, Kaidan. I'm not ready to face reality yet.”

“Are you saying I'm dreamy?” he grinned, getting up quickly and daring to grab at her ass as she shifted to her bathroom. 

“You'll be nothing but a distant  _ memory _ if you try that again, soldier,” she smirked back at him despite the false threat in her words. 

Some time later, after they had dressed following the shower, Joker came over the comm system. “We're about five minutes out, Alice.”

  
The redhead smiled faintly. “Thanks, Joker. On my way.”


End file.
